Page 5 of Sleigh My Name
Liam’s wordsare as sharp as shards of glass. They pierce my chest, releasing a fresh wave of anger and sorrow. The audacity of his accusation leaves a bitter taste on my tongue and fuels the fire inside me.
“You’re an asshole, you know that? Not all of us enjoyed the luxuries you had growing up. Some of us had it harder. Had to make choices that broke our hearts because it was the right thing to do. Some of us couldn’t walk through life playing football and living in the clouds. You had a good life. Your parents had more money than all of my extended family combined.”
I gesture to the room around us, the distillery, the huge house with its marble floors and crown molding. “You have no idea what it’s like to struggle. You were a selfish, self-absorbed boy, and now you’re an angry, entitled man. Not everyone gets a silver spoon; some of us get tarnished stainless steel.”
Anger and resentment roll off him as he cages me between the unforgiving brick wall and his looming form.
He’s the only man I’ve ever loved, the boy who stole my heart and the man who holds it captive for eternity. The only man who, despite the rage simmering between us, still makes my breath catch and my heart ache. I still love him, but the weight of our history is a crumbling bridge too dangerous to cross.
“Money isn’t everything. You were my fucking life. I lived in a world of black and white until you barged in and turned everything technicolor. But then you left me behind, as if I didn’t matter. Likewedidn’t matter. Wanna know what happened to me after you left, Charley? The darkness that wrapped around me? You left me fuckin’ broken. Sadness isn’t a big deal when it’s all you’ve known. But when you’ve experienced perfect joy, and it’s ripped away from you, it’s pure fucking agony. I tried everything to fill the void you left. Women, drugs, alcohol, parties. I was ready to die.”
His confession is shocking, even though his voice remains calm. “I fucking loved you. You were everything. You hear me?Everything.”
Before I can reply, Liam crashes his lips to mine. The kiss roars with anger, echoes with sorrow, and sighs with relief. I kiss him back, throwing my arms around his neck and desperately trying to forget everything—the pain, the loneliness, the fear that consumes me. Nothing seems to matter at this moment, but his arms wrapped around me and his lips on mine.
“I fucking hate you,” he hisses as his teeth dig into my bottom lip and blood trickles into my mouth. “But I also love you. It’s fucked up, but I want to make you cry and comfort you at the same time. You fucked me up, Charley. You really fucked me up.”
I close my eyes and let his words wash over me, knowing I deserve his wrath. I’m willing to accept his punishment as long as it’s followed by his love. How fucked up is this? How fucked up am I? One desperate decision made seven years ago mangled my mind and my heart.
Being near Liam, having his body and mouth touching mine, causes the memories to come crashing back. How will we ever be okay with the weight of it all? How can he conquer his hatred of me to make way for the love?
The weight of everything crashes down on me, and grief rushes in. I crumble to the floor like a stack of dominoes, my head in my hands, my body shaking as tears flood my cheeks.
“I’m so tired of trying to keep our heads above water. The moment I think we’re okay, something else happens, and we fall further behind. I want to feel something, anything other than this. I wish I could wear the bruises on my skin instead of on my heart. I want visible scars and marks. I’m so fucked up.” The past I tried to run away from has finally caught up with me, and before I can stop myself, I whisper, “Hurt me, Liam. Please. I need you to hurt me.”
Liam’s hands tangle in my hair. He tugs until my scalp stings, exposing my neck. He doesn’t hesitate; his teeth grazing my delicate skin. “You want me to hurt you, Charley? You want me to bruise your body the way you’ve bruised my heart?”
I nod, my heart beating in my throat.
“That’s not good enough, Charley. I’m gonna need to hear you beg for the pain. I want you to tell me exactly what you want from me. Go on, Charley, beg me. It’s your turn to crawl. Yourturn to feel the devastation of wanting something so badly that you’d do anything to get it. Do it, Charley. Beg.”
My body runs hot with rage. How dare he want to humiliate me? “Crawl for you? When have you ever crawled for me? When, Liam?”
He slams me against the unforgiving brick behind me, his strong hand circling my throat and tightening with a possessive, terrifying grip. He bares his teeth, his nostrils flared, his breathing ragged and uneven. Raising his other arm with deliberate menace, he uses his teeth to pull up the sleeve of his crisp white shirt. His vicious tug causes the buttons to scatter across the marble floor.
“This look like nothing to you, Charley?” he growls, shoving his wrist into my face.
A choked gasp escapes my lips as I look. I can’t speak. All I can do is stare, transfixed and horrified, at the gruesome scar snaking across Liam’s wrist. The flesh is puckered and pink, a permanent reminder of something that shaped him, changed him. He isn’t the sweet, idealistic boy I once knew. He’s a man with a past far worse than I could have ever imagined. A past I’m responsible for.
“I didn’t want to leave you, Liam. I didn’t want to go. But my mom lost her job, and we were swimming in debt from my dad’s cancer treatments. I had no choice. It was to stay with you and watch my father die or lose you and save his life. Not that it mattered in the end, though. My father’s cancer was in remission, but the car accident took them both in the end.”
I sob, forcing out the truths I’ve kept hidden for so long. “I missed you every day, Liam, but I was swallowed by grief. Ididn’t have the emotional capacity for love because I was too busy keeping my head above water and caring for a little girl who had no one but me. My parents died and left me with a two-year-old. I was nineteen, and suddenly I was a parent. You think I didn’t want to be here with you, going to prom, worrying about college? I wanted that more than anything in the world, but I became a teen mom to a baby I didn’t give birth to. I may not carry the physical scars from the trauma I endured, but I sure as hell have plenty of scars you can’t see.”
Liam’s hand tightens around my throat as if my words were too much. The truth always hurts, but it’s volatile when it’s given to someone who isn’t ready to hear it. I knew the risk, but I took it anyway. Witnessing the rage in Liam’s eyes and the tremble in his hand around my neck, I know I’m about to see the ugliest side of him. I welcomed it. Maybe if he releases some of his rage on my body, I’ll feel better.
“I hate you so much right now. I want you tofeelhow much.”
I struggle against his hand, squeaking out two words. “Show me.”
Liam turns me to face the wall and kicks my legs apart. “You want to be my little slut, Charley? A piece of meat for me to gnaw on? Because that’s all this will be.”
I whimper as Liam slowly lifts the hem of my skirt. He’s teasing me. Enticing me. Torturing me. His piercing eyes hold mine as his fingers glide along the edge of my panties. My mind is heady from his warm breath on my neck and his fiery touch branding my skin.
“Liam.”
“Mmm, I missed my name on your lips. It’s like a prayer, you know. You sound like a devout believer praising the heavens. But the question is, will your god answer your call?” His fingers slide under my panties, and his knuckles brush my clit. “Or will you go wanting?”
“Dammit, Liam,” I whimper in frustration. I want him to touch me. Own me. Mark me. But Liam is determined to make me go out of my mind with lust.
