Page 97 of Preying Heart
“That’s it?” Lucy asks when I show it to her. “I was hoping to gang up on this jerk. Tell him off.”
“It’s better this way. He still believes I’m going along with the plan. What are you going to do?”
“Follow you guys to the scene of the crime,” Lucy says. “Back up Heath in case he needs me. I’ll video any interactions between you and Gavin.”
I close my eyes briefly and take calming breaths, although my heart is on tenterhooks and adrenaline blazes through my veins, countering the extreme heaviness weighing down my limbs. Not to mention the cramping in my abdomen and the bleeding to remind me that my baby is gone. I’m a hot mess.
“You sure you want to go through with this?” Lucy asks, giving my shoulder a friendly squeeze. “You can still bring charges on the assault and go home with us.”
“We have to catch him with something bigger. I worry we can’t find my mother fast enough, and Gavin will order her harmed once he finds out we double-crossed him.”
“Okay, then. Try and get some sleep. If we’re lucky, he doesn’t show up here unannounced.”
“I’m not sure I can sleep.” I twist my fingers and wad up the damp napkin I’ve been wiping my eyes with. “Knowing Gavin, he’ll come by when we least expect it.”
“Then we’ll wait up and surprise him.” She hooks my arm and leads me to the living room sectional. “We can play cards. You like gin rummy?”
“I’m touched that you’re staying with me.” I arrange the few pillows on the sectional so we’ll be comfortable. “You know I’ve never had a slumber party or a friend sleep over?”
“Never too late to start.” She digs in her purse for a deck of cards and shuffles. “I like you, Remi, and I hope you’ll realize your feelings for Heath sooner than later.”
I pretend I didn’t hear her. My feelings are too confused right now. I’m not the stable sort of person he deserves.
“You’ve gone quiet,” she says after passing out the cards. “Am I putting too much pressure on you? If so, I apologize. It’s just that I don’t want my brother hurt again. You should have seen him when we returned to the Fortress. He was so excited to come home to you. When you didn’t appear on the doorstep, he was sure you were in the basement watching movies. Then when I showed him the note—”
“Please stop.” I hold up my hand. “Don’t make me feel worse. Despite what you believe, I truly care about Heath and I don’t want him hurt. I just don’t know if what I’m feeling is gratitude and dependency. He does so much for me. He’s out there risking his life and yours for me, but what have I done for him?”
She pinches my upper arm playfully. “You’ve given him his heart back. I didn’t think he’d ever risk loving again. Thought he’d stay in that Fortress until he’s old and gray—alone with his dog and his business. Rescuing women because he has to do it to feel worthwhile—because he can’t walk away from the one who got away.”
“He loved her?” I ask, regarding his ex-wife.
“Would you rather he didn’t?” Lucy counters. “It shows what a big heart he has. And honey, he never gives up. He’s going to see this through until your mother and Slade and you are truly free.”
“Why?”
“It’s who he is. A rescuer. He’ll keep doing this even if you two get together and settle down. You should be okay with it.”
“I’ve been the public face of Operation Persephone forever. My foster parents dedicated their lives to rescuing trafficking victims. I’m totally onboard.”
“Good.” Lucy spreads her cards, discards one, and picks one from the pile.
I go through the motions, but I’m not paying attention to the game. I wonder if I’ll ever be normal. Have a lover and many friends. Get married and pop out several kids.
The dull ache in my abdomen pinches my eyes shut. Maybe motherhood’s not in the cards for me. I couldn’t even hold on to this pregnancy, whether it was wanted or not. I’ve been too focused on my problems that I haven’t even mourned my baby—not as a part of me but as an individual person who never got a chance.
“You okay?” Lucy places her cards down and puts her hand on my back. “You want to talk about it?”
I bite my lip and nod. “I never thought about the baby as a person, only a pregnancy. I only thought of her as a symptom and how I was feeling: nausea, bloated, or tired. But now that she’s gone, she’s become a person I’ll never know. It’s like we were fated to be together this short period of time, and I let it slip by without caring about her. She was just an inconvenience, a burden, and a problem.”
“I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.” Lucy hugs me. “You lost someone you didn’t even know. And you’re grieving for that.”
“I should have cared for her more. I never once thought about her. Only about myself.”
“You were running for your life.”
“Then I shouldn’t have come back here. If I’d stayed at the Fortress, the baby would still be alive. What was I doing? What am I doing sitting here waiting to take Gavin down?”
“You’re protecting your family.”
