Page 37 of Triggered By Love
She shook a finger at him. “Can you stop asking questions? I liked you better when you didn’t talk.”
He dragged her off the path and over to the water’s edge. Several ducks rested with their bills tucked under their feathers on a fallen log, and lazy dragonflies meandered among the reeds. The heat relaxed her and loosened the tightness in her chest. She pointed to the skyline. “It’s hard to believe we’re in the middle of a huge city, and I’m feeling sleepy like them.”
He leaned toward her and rested his chin on her head, drawing her closer. His body seemed to conform to hers the same way hers did to his, so that they leaned against each other, as if he needed her as much as she needed him.
She almost drew away, but she let him rest and absorbed his breathing.
“You’re not like Brando, you know. He used to be a fortress, standing strong and firm, and here you are, slouching against me.”
He lifted his chin and chuckled under his breath. “Sorry if I disappoint you.”
“Not disappointed. Just different. Brando was your typical hero. I don’t think he ever got sick. He was always ready to give aid. I used to worry that I’d lose him on our honeymoon. He’d be the one jumping off the cruise ship to rescue someone or carrying someone off the side of a mountain.”
“He was one of the best,” Jason acknowledged.
“He was too perfect,” she whispered. Closing her eyes, she tried to hold back the lurking tears.
“Is it possible to be too perfect?” he asked, his arms around her fully.
“He was too good for me.”
He kissed the top of her head and stroked the back of her neck. “That’s a problem I’ll never have.”
Avery burrowed her face against Jason’s chest and burst into tears—big, loud, ugly, gulping tears.
It was a problem she, too, would never have again.
* * *
Protectinga pretty woman like Avery didn’t come with any benefits. Being the one she spilled her broken heart to while weeping for another man was like having his heart crushed by a steamroller.
Sure, Jason had no right to complain. He’d asked her to talk and had encouraged her to open herself to him. But now that she’d opened the floodgates, which always went back to her fireman, it was all he could do to hold her and be the slouchy support structure she claimed would never measure up to her hero.
“I’m fine. I really am,” she said. “You’d think I’d stop being so maudlin.”
“It’s okay to be however you are. Don’t judge yourself.” He rocked her gently. “Take as much time as you need.”
“I can’t. I have so much to do.” She choked back a sob.
“Have you ever thought of taking a break?”
“No, no, no.” She shook her head like she was having a seizure. “I owe my life to him, and the least I could do is honor him with my clothing line. To keep his name alive.”
“His name will always be alive in your heart,” he said, knowing how trite and inane it sounded. Maybe he should stay quiet.
“I have nothing. Nothing.” She pounded her chest and turned back toward the running trail. “I wasn’t even pregnant.”
“Were you trying?” He guided her through the temporary darkness underneath the low-hanging branches.
“No. I was too good of a girl. Wanted to do everything right. Perfect.” She shuddered in his arms. “I put my career first. Wanted to build my business. Then get married, move up to Westchester County, have two or three children, join the PTA, be a soccer mom and a fire chief’s wife. Hold potlucks and sell Girl Scout cookies. The white picket fence, summer barbecues, and Thanksgiving gatherings large enough for two turkeys.”
What could he say? He’d never wanted any of these worn out family themes. Not with a jerk of a father and a drunk and disheveled mother. Actually, he was surprised a young, upcoming fashion designer aspired to such a mundane suburban life.
“You were meant for more exciting times.”
“If you mean the soul-rending grief, then yeah, excitement.” She swiped angrily at her eyes. “Stop being so sympathetic. I’m pulling myself together. Enough of the pity party.”
He helped her straighten her shoulders, massaging them and pulling them back. “You ready to go? I’ll race you.”
