Page 20 of All You Want
“We had a blowout week,” Tami cries. “Our rooms were booked solid. The ashram was overflowing, and the campground was full. People drove by the burn site to gawk and take pictures in front of the trailer carcass. Church attendance was to the rafters, and everyone wanted to hear Jessie talk about Wonder Woman saving her from the fire underneath a burrito wrapper.”
“Traffic was at a standstill,” Walt says. “I sold out of cider and soda pop.”
“There was a run on souvenirs,” Johnson agrees. “We couldn’t keep any of those twisted crosses in stock.”
“Right, and that’s why we need to have the camping attraction,” Tami argues. “Every room in town is booked solid. People are boarding visitors in their own houses.”
“We can’t pay for security.” I cut her off. “Do you want your visitors to get hurt?”
“Instead of saying what we can’t do, why don’t we figure out what we can do.” Tami’s voice is full of snark as she hefts her jiggly plus-size figure onto a barstool.
I swallow the insane desire to touch and squeeze, but my body is fully aware of the pillows of energy perched too close to me.
“I can deputize half the town if they’re willing to forego dressing in costume and attending the festivities,” I suggest. “They need to be citizens with clean records, physically fit, and able to handle a nightstick baton.”
“We have an entire town of manly men who can take care of us,” Tami says hotly with many deep breaths that cause her chest to heave enticingly.
“You’re looking at us, the Vice.” Donnie jumps up and shakes his fists like he’s a male gorilla banging on his chest. “We’ll be the deputies for the red-light district.”
“Problem solved,” Uncle Chip crows. “I say we let Tami have her Harrowing Haunts Grand Opening Party. I’m planning on booking a room and spending the night.”
“Hey, I like Harrowing Haunts better than Hallowed Haunts,” Tami chirps. “I might have enough time to change all the artwork for the launch.”
The Vice Squad orders another round of beer, and I thank everyone even though I’m not stupid enough to believe the old Vice guys can deal with anything other than direct traffic.
Tami’s right, though. I’m going to need to get creative and find deputies among the guys who will be on the scene. Even though I told old George King I denied her permit with a limit of ten, I was only pushing his buttons. I do want Tami to be happy and successful, but not at the cost of anyone getting hurt or worse.
“I’ll need someone to make a motion,” Chip says, raising a tankard of beer.
“I move that we deputize the Vice to patrol the red-light district on Spooky Fest,” Tami says.
“I second,” the bartender shouts.
“All those in favor say aye,” Chip slurs.
“Aye!” the rest of the barflies gather around and cast their vote.
“The ayes have it,” Chip says without asking for opposition. The waitress brings more pitchers of beer, and I leave the saloon with my swagger intact, even though I feel as if I should have my tail between my legs.
Tami and her hotel are no safer with Walt, Donnie, Johnson, and Corny walking around with flashlights and nightsticks than a henhouse without chicken wire.
“Wait!” Tami calls from behind me when I step out of the saloon. “I want to thank you, Toddkins.”
“Shhh… Don’t call me that.” My glance shoots around for anyone within lurking distance. “We’re supposed to be cool, remember?”
“Oh, you were too cold back there.” She huffs. “Maybe I don’t want to share my bonbons with you tonight.”
“Can’t bribe me with bonbons. Just because we have deputies for the red-light district doesn’t mean your outdoors event permit is approved. You still have the traffic situation to contend with.”
“I’ll contend you, tonight.” She huffs like a steam engine and stomps off in full jiggle, much to the delight of my “look but don’t touch” eyes. As for those bonbons, I’m looking forward to a full tasting and more.
Nine
~ Tami ~
I’m full of false bravado and righteous indignation at the way Todd treated me, but by the time I drive up to my family’s Victorian farmhouse, I’m out of hot air.
What got into me to challenge him?
