Page 124 of Crossing the Line
“I love—”
He held up his hands cutting her off. “Don’t say it. You can’t say it.”
“I can’t tell you that I love you? That you’re the only person I’ve ever said those words to? That even though you’re backing down off of yours, I still love you?”
“It’s not love!” He snapped the words out like a whip, but at least he was finally looking at her. “We are toxic together, Waverly. What I feel for you? It’s not healthy. It’s an obsession. I’m no better than Ganim.”
“What are you talking about?” she felt the tears rising. “What are you telling me?”
“I’ve donenothingbut obsess over you since I met you. Everything I’ve done since that first day has been about you. I go to sleep fantasizing about you and wake up more fixated with you every day than the last. I touch you, and it’s never enough. I stay close to you, and it’s never close enough unless I’m inside you, and even then, I’m wanting more of you.”
He stopped, and she noted the tic in his jaw, the line between his eyes. This wasn’t just a fight.
“I can’t be around you anymore, Waverly.”
“What?” Her gasp made her stitches sing. She shook her head. “No. No. Why are you doing this? We have a chance, Xavier. We survived. It wasn’t for nothing. We have something—”
“We have nothing that we can build on,” he argued. “We have sex, and we fight. That’s not a relationship. But you wouldn’t know that, would you? You’re…” he trailed off, tucked the words back inside.
“What? Say it. I’m what? Damaged?”
Xavier looked away, and Waverly stepped in to face her worst fear. “Maybe so, Xavier. But I’m willing to fight. I’m willing to try.” She hated the plea she heard in her voice, but damn it, for once in her life she was going to fight for what she wanted. “I’m alive because of you, and I want to see where this life will take us.”
He looked sick and caged. She was standing between him and the door.
“Tell me how we can make this work, X,” she said. A tear worked its way down her cheek.
“I can’t fix you. I’m not your future. I’m just an extension of where you already are. You would just move from under your parents’ thumb to mine. Trade a cage for a cage because that’s what I would keep you in. I keep seeing you, bleeding out on a sidewalk.” His voice cracked, shuddered.
“I’m not bleeding on a sidewalk. I’m standing in front of you asking you to give me a chance!”
“You’re not hearing me, Waverly. I don’t want to make this work. You’re not good for me. You’re damaged, and you’ll damage me, too.” His face was ashen, tortured. “You already have.”
Waverly sank down on the couch as her knees buckled.
“Get out.” She said the words quietly with a strength she didn’t feel.
“I’m sorry—”
“Get out of my house. Save yourself before it’s too late.” Ice and fire went to war in her belly. She stood again and wobbled.
He reached for her on instinct, but she froze him with a look.
“Leave your key and get out of my house.”
She held her head high as he slowly dug his keys from his pocket. He pulled two off and laid them on the coffee table.
“Can I call someone for you?” His voice was tight with emotion.
“Leave now,” she said mechanically, using every ounce of her shaky will to hold back the tide of pain.
He nodded and walked, shoulders hunched, out of the room and out of her life.
She didn’t care if he heard the crash as she upended the coffee table, sending bowl and glass and keys flying. She didn’t care about anything anymore.
Her sneakers crunched through the debris, and she dragged herself into her bedroom. She lay face down clutching a pillow to her chest, grateful that this was one place she’d never made love to him.
She started to sob and was afraid she’d never stop.
