Page 95 of The Mistletoe Kisser
“Good. We just need you two to stay away from each other until we can get Right Ryan here,” Rainbow continued.
“He’s not Right Ryan! And Sammy is not marrying my douchecanoe of a cousin!” Wrong Ryan shouted.
“I’m not marrying anyone!” Sammy agreed at full volume. “By the way, where is Carson really?”
“A poker tournament in West Virginia with his cousin Myrt Crabapple,” Willa helpfully interjected.
“Hey, quick question. Is Right Ryan an accountant?” Ellery piped up.
“Why does that even matter?” Sammy demanded, pressing her fingers into her eyeballs to make sure they didn’t pop out of their sockets.
With a soft smile, Ellery cupped her black lace gloves to her belly. “Well, it looks like we’re having a little ghoul or goblin. I’m going to need my Masey home more often.”
“Oh, my God, Ellery!” Sammy crooned, temporarily forgetting her anger. “Congratulations! You two must be so excited.”
“Mason needs a partner in his firm,” Rainbow explained. “It’s practically three full-time jobs trying to keep the residents out of IRS prison. Wrong Ryan’s skills make him the perfect fit.”
And just like that Sammy was back to infuriated.
“That’s not actually a thing,” Ryan insisted.
“See! Wrong Ryan knows stuff! Maybe after we match up Right Ryan and Sammy, we could pair Wrong Ryan with Moon Beam Parker. She’s due for a new husband,” Gordon mused, nervously fingering the fringe on his poncho.
Sammy gasped. “NotMoon Beam.”
Ryan let go of her to clutch his temples. “What’s a Moon Beam Parker?”
“This whole situation can totally be salvaged,” Bruce said with confidence.
“No. It can’t. You are hereby ordered to leave me, Ryan Sosa, and any other Ryan alone!” Sammy announced.
Ellery’s eyes narrowed. “Are you both covered in glitter?” she asked, peering at them.
“Does this mean I don’t have to save Carson’s farm?” Ryan pressed.
The Beautification Committee members chuckled. “Of course not! Carson has owned the farm outright for more than forty years.”
“Damn. I was looking forward to ripping you a new one later today,” Ryan said to Rainbow.
“I was looking forward to it too. I’ve been practicing my villain smoke rings,” she told him.
“At least you can quit smoking now that the jig is up,” Ellery said. “Rainbow really went method actor for this role.”
“Tell you what, Ryan. We can still keep the meeting if it makes you feel better. Maybe grab some lunch while you tell me how you shrewdly deduced there was no loan,” Rainbow offered.
“I ran a credit check on Carson. He hasn’t had a loan open with your bank or anyone else in the last decade,” he said modestly.
“Very clever,” Rainbow approved.
Sammy stomped her foot. “No one is having lunch with anyone. I want you to explain how you burnt down a house to get Eden and Davis together, and yetIget some half-assed attempt with mistaken identity!”
Bruce Oakleigh shushed her and looked frantically over his shoulder. The fire—like most secrets in Blue Moon—was a poorly kept one. “I assure you, Samantha, we full-assed this campaign. And I would very much appreciate it if you kept any mentions of any f-i-r-e-s quiet.”
“Sheriff Cardona can spell, Bruce,” Sammy said dryly. “I am very disappointed in you all.”
“Sammy—” Ellery tried.
“Very. Disappointed,” Sammy announced, cutting her off.
