Page 94 of The Mistletoe Kisser
“Get married,” Sammy said.
“Excuse me?” Ryan scoffed. “Is that even legal?”
“Now, Samantha,” Bruce said jovially. “You can’t seriously be asking us to show you how the vegan sausage crumbles are made.”
“Oh, I’m deadly serious,” she said, trying to advance on the man. But Ryan held her by the waist. “Because if you mess with me, Bruce, the next time your cat Pepper gets stuck in an air duct, Iwon’tmake a house call.” It was a weak threat.Of courseshe would show up to save Pepper.
Bruce gasped theatrically. “You wouldn’tdare!”
She leaned in and poked him in the shoulder before Ryan picked her up and whirled her around. “Try me,” she snarled.
“Weneeda town grump,” Bruce insisted. “Everyone here is too cheerful. It throws off the balance. Plus, Mason needs a business partner. And you—”
“If the next words out of your mouth are ‘need a man,’ Sheriff Cardona is going to be throwing my ass in jail tonight, and you won’t be up for any diabolical matchmaking until at least the New Year,” she threatened.
“Would someone explain what the hell is going on here?” Ryan asked, tightening his grip on her.
“I was going to say you are ‘at the top of our matchmaking list,’” Bruce insisted.
“Aren’t you tired of coming home to an empty house, Sammy? Watching all your friends pair off and start spending Sundays naked at home?” Willa pressed.
Now she was picturing all her friends frying bacon naked.Thank you, Beautification Committee.
“No. I’m not! I love my life. And I’mnotmarrying a grump that you brought here under false pretenses!”
“Someone needs to explain what the hell is going on right now or I’m letting her rearrange all your faces,” Ryan ordered.
“These hippie manipulators are trying to match us up so we fall in love, you move here, and we get married and have babies,” Sammy told him.
“Technically the marriage and babies are entirely optional,” Ellery cut in. “We don’t dictate what constitutes a successful match.”
“Carson assures us Ryan is the perfect match,” Wilson Abramovich, the town jeweler, said helpfully.
“Youdidhave your first kiss with him,” Willa reminded her, interlacing her fingers under her chin. “Isn’t that romantic?”
“He wasn’t my first kiss!” Sammy shrieked.
“Oh, dear. She doesn’t even remember her first kiss.” Bruce tut-tutted.
Gordon looked perturbed. “Eva and Emma said it was one of your romantic highlights. How could you have forgotten?”
She took a breath and tried to count backward from ten but kept getting distracted by a desire to set all of the calendars on fire. Ryan’s arm tightened around her waist.
“I’m not exactly following what’s happening here,” Ryan claimed. “But I think the two most important things are: the winter solstice already happened on the twenty-first. And you have the wrong nephew. Ryan Shufflebottom was Sammy’s first kiss.”
Bruce chuckled like he’d told a good punchline. “You’reRyan Shufflebottom,” he said. “And we can’t celebrate the Solstice on theactualsolstice because the Wiccans would miss out on their celebration.”
“He’s Ryan Sosa,” Sammy announced.
“Ryan Shufflebottom is my cousin.”
“Son of a biscuit!” Ellery slapped a hand to her forehead. “We got the wrong Ryan!”
“Oh dear. This is terrible,” Willa whispered.
Rainbow held up her hands like she was directing a board meeting. “Let’s all calm down. No harm was done. You two didn’t accidentally have sex and start having feelings for each other, did you?”
Ryan and Sammy glanced at each other and then looked away again. “Of course not,” she said a few decibels louder than necessary.
