Page 69 of The Mistletoe Kisser
“And I haven’t gotten laid in—” The door of the restaurant opened and Huckleberry Cullen, the blond, built high school guidance counselor stepped inside. “A while,” Layla finished, seemingly very interested in her plate.
Eden dropped her utensils. “Permission to enact my Voice of Reason rights.”
“Permission granted,” Layla said, pretending not to notice Huckleberry’s head nod in her direction. Sammy’s curiosity would have piqued but she was too busy feeling like crap.
Eden interlaced her fingers on the table. “You’re feeling sorry for yourself and looking for stories that reinforce the ‘men aren’t tripping over their pants to bang me’ narrative. But in reality, we all know what’s going on.”
“Oh, really?Allof us?” Sammy scoffed. “Please, enlighten me.”
“She’s going to make me say it,” Eden complained to Layla.
“She needs to hear it,” the blonde said, crossing her arms over her ample chest.
This sounded like a conversation the two of them had been having for a long time. An inside joke that Sammy was left out of… or worse, was the punchline of.
“Dr. Samantha Ames,” Eden began, “what exactly do you think makes you less attractive?”
“Because I smell like manure for fifty percent of my working hours and I don’t look like either of you.”
Eden’s smile was dangerous.
“That’s such a crock of shit,” Layla complained.
“I don’t expect anyone who looks like you two to understand.” Sammy sniffed.
“I unclog guest toilets for a living,” Eden said.
Her friend managed the Lunar Inn on the outskirts of town and spent her days making guests feel pampered and appreciated. Sure there were probably a few plumbing emergencies, but there was also a glamour to hospitality. “Yeah, but you look amazing while you’re doing it.”
“Aww, thanks.” Eden gave her short dark hair a fluff. Her earrings, sexy filigree dangles, sparkled at her ears.
“Listen, Whiny Pants,” Layla said, pointing her pizza crust menacingly at Sammy. “Last week, remember when I had that weird rash all over my face from Rupert Shermanski’s god-awful organic moisturizer?”
Layla’s perfect Swedish features had been covered with scaly hives. “I do recall something along those lines,” Sammy said.
“While rashy and on the job, Colby and I went through a drive-thru for tacos. I farted twice in the car. Once so bad we had to roll the windows down, and hestillasked me out.” Colby was Blue Moon’s other deputy. He was also too young to be taken seriously.
“You’re still gorgeous when you’re rashy and gassy,” Sammy pointed out. “Plus you have great boobs.”
“You do,” Eden agreed.
Layla grabbed her girls and hoisted them up. “Thanks.”
There was a commotion at the back of the restaurant, and Sammy saw Huck bending down to pick up a potato chip display he’d knocked over.
“My point is, if you’re gorgeous, you can fart on anyone you want and they’ll still ask you out,” Sammy explained.
“I fartednearhim. Notonhim,” Layla clarified. “But if you don’t open your ears and do some listening, I will fart on you.”
“You need to lay off the dairy,” Sammy warned.
“We’re getting off track,” Eden said. “What my flatulent friend here is trying to say is that just like us, you’re beautiful, smart, sexy, funny, witty, and all of those other bangable adjectives.But…”
The but caught Sammy’s attention.
“But what?”
“Your effort goes in the wrong place,” Layla said.
