Page 39 of Coming Home to You
I take a deep breath as I meet my brother’s stare.“Look, I’m sorry,” I finally get out.“This whole thing has just got me rattled, okay?”
Finn lets out a deep breath too.“I know, me too.”
I run another hand through my hair.“I don’t know what’s going to happen afterwards, Finn,” I tell him.“Seeing her again, being back here, it’s fucked with my head, opened up a whole lot of feelings that I thought I’d buried.”
Ryan snorts.“Bullshit, you’ve been in love with this woman for as long as I’ve known you,” he says, rolling his eyes.“And for the record, that’s been a long fucking time.”
My eyes close as my head falls into my hand, knowing Ryan’s right.I might have thought I was ignoring how I felt about Kelsey, that I’d moved on and was over her, but I was kidding myself.I’ve been kidding myself for the last decade and as much as I have no idea how this is all going to work out, I know that I can’t be without her.I know that I want to try.
I lift my head and look at Finn again.“I really don’t know what’s going to happen.I won’t lie, I love my job in Boston, but I love Kelsey more, I always have.And even though I don’t know how the fuck to begin sorting all that out, I do know that I can’t be without her.Not having her in my life isn’t an option anymore.”
Finn exhales as though he’s relieved.“Well it’s about fucking time,” he says.
I nod as Ryan grins and slaps me on the back.“I know, right?I’ve only been saying this to him for the last ten fucking years.”
I roll my eyes as I finish off my beer.“Shut the fuck up, girls,” I say, grinning at both of them.They both smile at me, and the tension that was between us, lifts.“Now,” I say, standing so I can get us another round of drinks.“Let’s talk about how we’re going to catch this fucking fucker.”
An hour later and we have a plan in place.Finn and I are going to look into the make and model of the cameras, try to work out the seller so we can track down where Jason might be when he watches them.Ryan’s going to do another sweep of the little fucker’s apartment when he gets back to Boston, see if he can’t pick up something the uniforms missed.
I’m also going to hang on to Kelsey’s cell in the hopes that he decides to call her again.In the meantime, I’ll get her a pre-paid with a different number so she can always reach us.And none of us are going to let her out of our sight.
“Where are you guys staying tonight, you want to come over to Erin’s?”Ryan asks as we all stand to leave.
I can’t help but smirk at him, laughing as he rolls his eyes at me.“No, we’re good thanks.We’re staying at the inn so there’s no need for me to have to listen to your sexcapades all fucking night.”
Ryan laughs.“You’re just jealous, O’Loughlin.But are you sure?You might learn a thing or two.”
I shake my head as we wave goodbye to Pop and all head outside.“Trust me, when it comes to making Kelsey scream, I don’t need any help.”
“Whatever,” Ryan says, climbing into his truck.“Your loss.”
We wave him off and I turn to face my brother.“We good?”I ask.
Finn nods.“We’re good.”
Then we say goodnight and I turn and walk back to the inn, wondering how the fuck I’m supposed to make things good with Kelsey.Somehow a couple of orgasms doesn’t feel like it’s going to be enough this time.
“Shit,” I sigh, as I start walking.
Chapter Fifteen
Kelsey
Why did he have to say it?And during a moment when things were good.No, not just good between us, but great, really fucking great.I was even beginning to think Beck might just stay with me, leave his life in Boston and come back to Rockport for good.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.I’m living in a fucking dream world if I actually believe it will be different this time.But when he uttered that line, that stupid fucking line, I was hit with a heavy dose of reality.
“I don’t think, babe.I know.I promise.”I’ve repeated that phrase in my head for the last ten years.I wasn’t enough to make him stay then, I don’t know why I think I will be this time around.
Running my hands over my face and up through my hair, I feel the exhaustion take over my body.My shoulders are sore, my body aches and all I want to do is sleep.
I strip off my clothes and climb into the bed.Although comfortable, it’s not my bed; it’s not my home and in this moment, I wonder if I will ever feel normal again.In the darkness of the room, with Beck’s words still floating around in my head, Jason’s relentless stalking still gripping me, I allow it to take control of my emotions.I allow myself to cry.
Sniffling and wiping my nose on the edge of the sheet, I feel sorry for myself, wondering just how I ended up in this fucking mess in the first place.Not just the mess with Jason, but also this mess with Beck, too.
For some reason my sadness turns to anger when I realize that Beck would never have come back if it hadn’t been for this problem with Jason.He would’ve just stayed, living his new life in Boston as if Rockport never existed, as if I never existed.
The more I think about it, the angrier I become, because I once again, allowed myself to fall for him.Nothing has changed, everything that haunted us from the past is still there, hidden beneath the surface just waiting to remind us of why it didn’t work out in the first place.
