Page 21 of Coming Home to You
“Beck, good to see you’re back and you and Kelsey are back on again.”
This is usually followed by a slap on the back and a wink and then they walk off as though there’s nothing else to say.I’ve given up trying to explain otherwise, because I know they won’t listen.Kelsey just sits there not saying anything and I know it’s because she knows I’m not really back and we certainly aren’t anywhere near being back on.
“You ready to go?”I ask her, when we’ve finished our meals.
“Sure,” she murmurs, suddenly quiet as she says goodbye to Brad, Louise and my dad.
I promise Brad that we’ll catch up sometime, although I’m not really sure when, as I don’t plan on letting Kelsey out of my sight, before we make our way back to our cars at the inn.
“You wanna leave your car here and come with me?I just need to swing by Pop’s and get my stuff before we head home.”I say.Kelsey shrugs and when I glance at her, she’s staring straight ahead, arms crossed.“Kels,” I say, my hand on her arm.“What’s wrong?”She shrugs again, not saying anything, not even looking at me.I stop walking, my hand on her arm stopping her too.“Kelsey, look at me.”She reluctantly looks up and I smile at her.“I’m not going to let anything happen to you, babe.I promise.”
She smiles at me, but it’s flat and doesn’t reach her eyes.“I know, Beck,” she says, her voice quiet.“Let’s just get Bella and go.”
She’s silent for the rest of the walk back to the inn, only speaking when she agrees to leave her car there and come with me.Bella jumps excitedly into the back of my truck and after I’ve grabbed my bag, I take the road out to the point and head towards her house.
When I pull into her drive, I notice the outside light is off and I make a mental note to set it on a timer tomorrow morning.I grab my bag from the back and we head towards the house, my eyes scanning the surrounding area for anything that seems out of the ordinary.
“You want a drink?”Kelsey asks as we head inside.
“Sure,” I say, dumping my bag by the front door as she disappears into the kitchen.I follow her in and smile as she grabs a bottle of Jameson whiskey from the top of the fridge before grabbing a can of dog food for Bella.
“You remember?”I ask, opening the bottle and taking a deep inhale.Kelsey and I used to steal this stuff from what was then Grandad's bar when we were kids.We’d run down to the beach and drink as much of it as we could stomach, laughing and getting drunk as we hid in the sand dunes.We’d always end up fucking afterwards; rolling around underneath a couple of blankets and not even caring how cold it was or that someone might walk past.To this day, I can’t drink this stuff and not think about those nights.
“Of course,” she answers, not looking at me.
I’m not sure what the fuck is going on with her right now; this feels like more than just fear about this Jason fuckwit.“Kels, what’s going on?”
“What do you mean?”she says, placing Bella’s bowl by the back door and reaching into a cupboard for some glasses.
I can’t help but admire her ass as she does.She always had a fantastic ass and if it’s possible, it might be even better than I remember.“You’ve barely spoken two words since dinner.”
“I’m fine, Beck,” she says and I can tell by her tone that she’s anything but fine.
“Bullshit, baby.”
Kelsey straightens up and lets out a loud exhale.“Okay, Beck,” she says, finally looking at me.“It’s that.”
“What?”I ask, having no idea what she’s talking about.
“Thebabyor theKels,baby,” she says, gesturing to me now.“It’s all this protective macho bullshit, the sweet talking, or the not correcting people when they just assume you’re here to stay and we’re back together again.”
“Kels, come on, you know there’s no fucking point trying to say anything to them,” I say, running a hand through my hair.
Kelsey stands with her hands on her hips.“Yeah, but we aren’t back together, are we, Beck?You know it and I sure as shit know it.So I don’t know what the fuck you think you’re doing, walking in here and acting like nothing’s fucking changed,” she says, her voice louder now.“It was hard enough getting over you the first time you left.I don’t want a repeat of that when this all gets figured out and you fuck off back to Boston in a couple of days.”
“Kels,” I say, stepping towards her.
“No, Beck, don’t,” she says, holding her hand out as if to stop me.“I can’t go through it again,” she adds on, her voice quieter.“I barely survived it the first time you left me.”
We’re standing here staring at each other.I have no idea what to say to her, because even though I’ve spent the whole day entertaining fantasies of Kelsey, and what it would be like to stay here and get back together with her, a part of me knows it’s never going to happen.I’ve worked too hard for the career I have in Boston to just give it all up and seeing everything she’s done to her parents’ inn, I know Kelsey’s never going to walk away from everything she’s done here either.Ten years have passed and we still find ourselves in the exact same position as before.We both want each other, but neither of us can compromise on all the other things we want.
“I’ll grab you some blankets for the couch,” Kelsey eventually says, resignation in her voice as she realizes the same thing.“Pour us both a drink, would you?”
As she brushes past me though, something inside me snaps.I don’t know if it’s the fear of what this fucker is doing to her, the idea that she might have moved on, or the memories of the kiss we shared last night and in the guest room at the inn this morning.All I know is that right now, I want her and I don’t give a shit about how much that’s going to hurt when neither of us can walk away from everything else and find a way to make it work.
“Kels,” I say, grabbing her arm.
“Don’t, Beck,” she whispers as she stops beside me.
