Page 98 of Tesio
It wasn’t until we got back to Jamie’s house that she let rip, and boy was she pissed.
“That fucking asshole! How dare he?! How dare he demand that I give up my career, everything I’ve worked for?! Is he expecting me to become a criminal now too?”
I reached for her, but fuck me, was I insane? She’d destroy me right now, so I backed up again and let her pace. I could see her point, I mean, it wasn’t even a case of her getting to stay there if we split up. It was literally a case of, she already knows too much, so stop being a cop, or die.
“Jamie-”
“You get everything you want, Grease, you won! You get to be who you wanted to be, to live the life you wanted, but as a result, I lose everything!”
Ouch. Way to kick a guy in the nads, right? Losing everything? That said a lot about how she felt about me, didn’t it?
“Babe…”
She stopped pacing, her breaths still heaving, fists still clenched, but I could see the clarity returning to her eyes, overwriting her rage, as her lips made a silent ‘oh’, and she shook her head.
“Sorry. I get how that sounds. I get that it sounds like I’m denouncing what we have or something. I just… I don’t think I considered how this relationship would affect my career. How can I be a police officer, and fight for law and justice, if I’m connected to a biker, part of a criminal organisation, aligned with the mafia?”
She dropped onto her sofa, her hands on her cheeks, striking a resemblance to my favourite art piece,The Scream.
“Jamie, look…”
She lowered her hands. “Jay. Nobody really calls me Jamie.”
Huh. Jay. That was kinda cute.
“Jay. Oh I like that, but you’re still my little pain too. I’m sorry that being with me has fucked up the career plans you had, but it doesn’t mean you don’t have options for the future.” I sat opposite her, because right now I needed to see her, rather than hold her, and if I sat beside her, I was gonna be holding her tight.
“Yeah… guess I could ride around beating people up or something. Steal cars. I mean, you know, I’m clearly built for such things.”
I grinned, relieved to see her rage was gone completely now, although there was a level of defeat that had set in, that was bothering me more by the second.
“There are always options, babe. And the club might seem like it’s a bad guy kinda place, but you’ve met more of them. You can see now that they’re good guys, right? See how they showed up to back us today? All of the most important people from both chapters showed up. Well, and Torch. They’ve got our backs, and we have a whole fucking family there.”
She chewed her lip thoughtfully, her eyes leaving mine, and closing her off from me, just when we were being given everything so we could be together.
“Jay?”
“They were there foryou. They haveyourback. I’m just the ‘pussy’ right? The one who lost everything, because she couldn’t stay away from one of their brothers. I’m the one who brought trouble to their door, and risked their collaboration with the Don. Backing you isn’t necessarily acceptance of me, Grease.”
What. The. Fuck.
Jamie
Ithought I knewwhat I was getting into, I thought that being with Grease was something I could finally actually do, without losing everything. I think the part that pissed me off the most was my own stupidity in thinking that would be possible. How the hell could I be a law enforcement officer, when I was dating a biker, part of a shady club with ties to the damn mafia?! And even if he hadn’t become a biker, he’d still be a mafia guy. How the hell did I think my two worlds wouldn’t collide, and leave me having to choose a side?
“Talk to me, little pain, you’re really freaking me out here.” Poor Grease had left that meeting so jubilant, and on top of the world, that I hated being the one putting the stress lines back on his brow. He got up and joined me on the sofa, grabbing my hand and dragging me so I’d face him.
“Tell me this wasn’t all for nothing, babe. Tell me that we didn’t just risk dying for each other, for you to cast me aside now. I know we started out bad, and we maybe don’t seem right for each other, but when we’re together, aren’t we proving the opposite?”
He looked so earnest, so certain that being together was the right thing, but then he wasn’t losing everything he’d worked for, was he? He was literally getting exactly what he’d wanted. If things were reversed, I’m sure I’d have been the one trying to talk him round, but was I ready to throw it all away? Had I considered it at times? Sure, but had I really thought it would become a reality? Not for a single second.
“I…”
“Babe, I know I’m the one getting it all right now, but none of that means a fucking thing if I’m not with you. I don’t think you understand what I risked for you. It wasn’t just the life I’d been born to, or even my survival. It was the club too. It was every man in that place I call home, and my chance to be there. I didn’t fight for us just to lose you now. If you want me to tell the Don to get fucked, and do whatever it takes to get you your life back, I will. I never planned to drag you into my life, either one of them, but you were worth risking it all for. I didn’t mean for you to risk it all too.”
I could literally feel the truth to his words, feel what he was telling me, even if he probably thought he didn’t always say things just right. I could feel the reality under the words. He risked it all for me, for us. He fully expected to lose it all. To die for love. How did a career compare to a lifetime of love with the perfect one for me? I swallowed hard, knowing I couldn’t take back these words.
“I guess… I guess I’m looking for a new job then.”
