Page 22 of Tesio
He snorted. “That’s pretty much what I just said. Silent treatment. Look I know I undermined you, or whatever, but you have to know, I was doing it to protect you. People are starting to talk about you, and not in a good way.”
He finally had my attention, and yeah, maybe that’s because I was giving him the silent treatment, but when there’s no trust, what’s the point in interacting with someone?
“About the licking incident?” I was still getting the occasional comment from some of the older officers, but I’d grown so good at ignoring them, that I didn’t know it was an issue.
“About that, and this hard-on you seem to have for the bikers, and one particular one. You’re going to end up with a bad reputation, if you get what I mean.”
Charming. If it’d been a man picking on another man like this, it’d be assumed it was just normal policing, but because I was a woman doing it, it was some emotional shit, or I was thinking with my pussy.
“You know, I didn’t take you for a sexist asshole until this very moment, Evers.”
“You never call me by my name. Did you ever realise that? It’s like, you keep people at arm’s length, and treat them all like toolsto help you achieve whatever the fuck your lofty goals are. Do you think that’s a nice thing to have to work with?”
His words were like a slap in the face, and I recoiled, because was that how people saw me? How he saw me? Did I really do that? Was I living like some kind of hermit, never letting anyone in? After the way I was raised, and the lack of love I had as a kid, was it any wonder?
“I… I do that?”
He sighed. “Look, all I’m saying is, let your guard down, and let someone in. Anyone. Doesn’t have to be me, but you can’t live like this, Jay. There’s more to life than the job, and if you’re not careful you’ll be too old when you come to that realisation without help. You need people in your life, and you need to let go sometimes. You never come to any events with us, never come to the pub. You just show up for work, and disappear back into your cave until the next shift.”
It felt like a character assassination, except for the fact that I realised it wasn’t an incorrect description of me, or the way I lived. I wanted to tell him he was being an asshole, but I couldn’t, because I couldn’t dispute a damn thing he just said.
“I didn’t realise. I mean, I guess I just got used to doing the job, and going home, and time passed while I was doing that. I’m not… I’m not good at opening up to people, and I’m, I guess, my dad maybe affected how I feel about letting people be in my life.” I stared down at my unfinished paperwork, almost feeling the burn of tears, except I wasn’t about to let either of them make me cry, Evers or my dad. I could rise above this. Couldn’t I?
“Jay, just maybe try one thing, and see if you can handle that. I’m not saying you need to suddenly be the life of the party, I’m just saying, maybe try the being alive part first.”
I swallowed hard, that lump in my throat burning as I did. Why did I feel like the rug had just been pulled out from beneath me?
“Baby steps, I guess I can try that, Ev…Alex.” He grinned at me, and some of the burn dissipated.
“There you go. Wasn’t so hard, eh?” He lowered his head again to his paperwork, and I followed suit. Maybe I could manage to be a human being, as well as a cop. I mean, others manage that, right? Some of them, at least.
Chapter Twelve
I’m a good mafiaman, aren’t I? Isn’t that where my roots are, and where I belong? So why did I feel like I was being pulled in two fucking directions, and my place in life wasn’t where I thought it’d be?
“Yo, Grease? You got that data for the Pres?” Harley leaned around my door and cocked his head at me. He wasn’t the VP, but he was close enough. You’d have thought one of the other original Phoenix guys they’d sent over here would get that role, but I had a feeling it’d be this guy right here. If and when Reacher and Stitch fucking allowed it, of course.
“‘Course I have. You think I sit here jerking off instead of working?” I grinned at him, and tossed him a flash drive, which the dickhead almost fumbled, before he caught it.
“Prick. You coulda warned me.”
I stood up and stretched my back, wincing as it made a crunching sound. A sure sign that I’d been on my ass for too long working on this shit.
“Where is the Pres anyway?”
Harley rolled his eyes at me. “Where do ya think? Up his old lady, of course.”
“So he’s not chasing this, is he? Why are you getting up my ass if he’s not asking for it yet?”
Harley winced, and reluctantly pointed back out behind him.
“You know who’s here, and I thought I’d save us all the fucking drama.” You know who…oh fuck, he meant thatshewas here. Again? What the fuck. This had to be some kind of foreplay for her.
“Why the fuck is she here again? This ain’t the place for her.” As much as I enjoyed our banter, I knew she was risking herself each time she visited here.
I headed for the door, and paused when Harley was dumb enough to put his hand on my chest. Touch a mafia guy? That gets you dead, but then I’m not a mafia guy right now, am I? And he had no idea who he was really touching. Nobody fucking knew but the original Phoenix MC crew. I wondered if that would ever change, or if I’d just disappear again when the Don recalled me.
“Why the fuck do you think you won’t lose your hand for doing that?” I glared at him, letting him see his impending death in my eyes, and he groaned, backing up and getting the offending appendage away from me.
