Page 1 of Free to Love You
It washot and I was ready to go. Today had been a long day of baking and serving our patrons. I worked with my mother, Sarah, and my sisters, Leah and Rachel. We worked in a bakery in a popular market in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania which was almost two hours away from our hometown Bird-In-Hand, Pennsylvania. It was a long way to work in a bakery, but the profit made it well worth it. My father, Daniel, and brothers, Jacob, Isaiah, Joshua, and Johnathan, who were twins, worked directly across from our bakery in our family’s barbecue business. There was one thing that was undisputable: the Amish made the best barbecue.
All my siblings were married except for me and my baby sister, Rachel. I was the oldest of us at thirty years old, but Iwas also the black sheep of our family. I thought differently, looked differently, and felt differently. I tried to stay to myself and follow the rules, but it never mattered. I firmly believed that I was born to stand out. I would never tell anyone that though.
“Lovina!” My mother startled me out of my slight daydream. She looked frustrated with my antics like she often did.
That was another thing about me. I often went off in my mind about how life would be outside of my community. Although the work we did at the bakery was intensive at times, I would never miss a day of work. It was the only time that I could interact with people outside of our community. People who looked like me. “Yes, Mother.”
She walked into my space. “Lovina, stay focused. There are people ready to check out, and once again you are daydreaming. Do that on your own time. Go over there and handle those customers.”
“I apologize, Mother. I will stay focused.” I walked around her to help the customers. I was the main person out of us all to assist the customers since most of them looked like me.
There was a long line like there always was. Our most popular treat was our assortment of cinnamon rolls. Every day, we sold a minimum of two hundred of them. They were huge and everything that a diabetic shouldn’t have. Our second most favorite was our apple pie.
“Hey, Lovina. You look beautiful today as always. Girl, you need to give me your skincare regimen,” Beyuna said with a bright smile.
I glanced in my mother’s direction to see if she heard the compliment. Like a great wax moth, of course she heard it. Vanity was frowned upon in the worst way. I never wore makeup and only used ChapStick. There was nothing that I could do to look plainer or more modest. It was like I got punishedfor God creating me with beauty. I couldn’t control people’s compliments of me.
“Thank you, Beyuna,” I replied with a small smile. “Do you want your usual today?” When she told me she did, I rang it up with a 15 percent discount. The ticket would be printed and one of my sisters would pack her Biscoff cinnamon roll.
The only time my family used modern technology was when we came here by car and the ordering system in our food establishments. When we got back to Bird-In-Hand, there was nothing of the sort. There was no digital connection to the outside world.
Leah handed me the packaged, warm cinnamon roll. I passed it to Beyuna. She was the closest thing to a friend that I had outside of my community.
“Thank you, girl.” She leaned in a little bit. In a whisper, she said, “I’m going to send you a new book later. It’s so good.”
That brought a smile to my face. Alright, yes, I had a phone and a tablet that I was not allowed to have. One day, when I was baking and our line was long, I overheard Beyuna and one of her friends discussing a book. I listened intently, then asked her what the name of the book was. It was a day that my mother was not there because of illness, so I had a little more freedom. My sisters were not as observant as her or they simply didn’t care as much about what I did. I was already the black sheep, so everything that I did fell into that.
We got into a short conversation about reading. When I told them that I wasn’t allowed to read that type of material but always wanted to, they must have taken pity on me. Later that day, they came back. They signaled to me to go to the bathroom. When I did, they gave me a small tablet, phone, and some kind of portable charger thing. Beyuna said that she wasn’t sure if I had outlets in my home. She figured that I could charge the charger here and then charge the tablet and phone as I needed.
I was floored that they would do that. She also told me that she would take care of the small bill that came with the phone line. I had no idea how to use the fancy phone, so she showed me. The most important thing that I learned was how to use the hotspot to use my tablet. I knew it was wrong, and I shouldn’t have it, but I wanted it. That was over six months ago, and I was obsessed with reading.
I still lived with my parents since I was unwed, which meant I had to be very careful when I used my devices. There were so many things that I learned via my tablet. I even had a TikTok account, but I didn’t dare post on it. It was used to follow authors to keep up with their book releases and just learn things. Beyuna helped me get an Amazon account then she subscribed me to this thing called Kindle Unlimited. It was like an electronic library, and I absolutely loved it. I’ve read so many books.
“Oh, thank you so much. I’ll see you next time.” I was sure to not be overly excited because I didn’t want to draw attention to myself. I probably had already been talking to her for too long.
We said our goodbyes, then I handled the rest of the customers in line. This time it wasn’t my mother who questioned me, it was my father. He walked over to check on us. “Lovina, what was that about earlier? You and that young lady seemed to have a lot to discuss.”
I wanted to roll my eyes, but I would never do that. “We were discussing the cinnamon rolls. She wanted to know if we were going to bring back the apple option. I told her that I would ask Mother if we could make a limited quantity one day a week.”
It felt like my throat was burning because of the lie that I’d just told. I hated that I felt like I had to lie. I would repent for it later. My father stared at me for a beat before his attention went to my mother. “I think we can do that to see how it goes.”
Our apple cinnamon rolls were not as popular as our others. We only sold maybe twenty of them a day. “Maybe I could walk around with samples to drum up interest.”
I felt like it was worth putting the idea out there. All they could say was no. Rachel pepped up. “I think that’s a good idea. I could go with her. On the days that we have them, Jennifer could help.”
Jennifer was my brother Joshua’s wife. Every once in a while she came to the bakery to help. She and my brother had two children. She was also a midwife.
Our father’s head knocked side to side for a moment. “I guess that could work. We will try it next week. Is that alright, Sarah?”
Like she would ever tell him no. She smiled. “That is fine, Daniel. I suggest we do it on Wednesdays.”
It was settled. Beyuna really did love those cinnamon rolls. We have had previous conversations about if we were going to make them again, so I guess I didn’t tell a complete lie. I simply moved around the timeline.
Over A Week Later . . .
It was the dead of the night. All I could hear was crickets outside and my low laughs from where I sat at my cracked window. The book that Beyuna sent me last week had me in a fit of giggles.
The entire community was resting while I was reading. My parents had been asleep for hours at this point. The only light that illuminated in my room was my tablet. This was the life that I wanted to live, free to read any time of the day that I wanted.The modest and humble way that my family and the community around us lived wouldn’t hear of it.
