But she’d changed. And now she fully appreciated everything her family home could give to her and Liam. Especially Liam, who was excitedly half-running, half-walking beside her as they walked to school. She was sure she felt more nervous than he did.
She’d spent all morning rationalising their decision to send him to school. The arguments stacked up. She knew that. But it didn’t stop her feeling that something was wrong. When she’d been in the garden, she’d felt a prickling sensation down her spine. She’d looked out to the beach, certain someone had been watching her, but she hadn’t seen anyone. She’d put it down to nerves over Liam.
Because surely it was too soon for school? She should never have listened to her mother, or the teacher, or any other voice of reason, because what she was feeling had little to do with that. And a lot more to do with a deep-rooted fear she couldn’t seem to shake. She squeezed his hand.
‘Mum!’ he said, as they walked along the street, ‘you’re doing it again.’
Jen released her grip, suddenly realising that she’d been holding his hand too tightly.
‘We’re near the school now anyway,’ he said.
‘Oh, right.’ That obviously meant that there would be no hand-holding in or around the school. ‘Sorry, I was miles away.’
‘Yeah, you had that look on your face.’
She slowed her steps to accommodate his shorter legs. ‘What look?’
‘The one where your mouth goes straight and you get a line there.’ He placed his finger between his eyes.
Jen relaxed her expression instantly. It didn’t sound like a good look. ‘Well, that sounds pretty scary.’ She smiled down at Liam. ‘I’ll try to stop myself from making that face in future.’
‘It’s OK, Mum. Grandma said that you have a lot on your plate.’ It was his turn to frown. ‘Although your plate wasn’t very full at the party.’
Jen stifled a laugh. Liam insisted on calling it a party and, as he hadn’t had many in his short life, they were all indulging him. ‘Here we are,’ she said.
They stopped outside the schoolhouse nestled one block back from MacLeod’s Cove’s long coastline. Children already filled the playground. You could hear them before you could see them, and Jen felt a fluttering of nerves in her stomach. She couldn’t even imagine what state Liam’s stomach was in.
She wondered how she could simultaneously encourage him to enter the school while also protecting him from whatever might come his way. She scolded herself instantly. As her mother had reminded her last night when Jen had voiced her fears — the only likely things to come Liam’s way were positive, and Jen shouldn’t try to protect him from those.
After glancing around at all the children running and shouting, arms around each other, Liam looked back at Jen with a steely resolve in his eyes. He was scared, but he was determined to go ahead anyway. She didn’t think she’d ever been prouder.
She tugged down his sweatshirt, even though it was fine, and put her hands on his shoulders. ‘Now, let’s find Miss Thompson.’
Liam pointed. ‘Her classroom is over there. Grandma and I went in it last time, and she said she’d be there for me before class started.’ He walked purposefully across, and Jen followed.
Inside, the classroom walls were lined with colourful posters and books, and bright toys filled the shelves. Megan Thompson greeted them with a smile.
‘Liam, Jen, how lovely to see you.’
Jen stayed where she was as Liam bounded over to greet Megan. She watched them interact, every moment soothing her fears. And she knew that, whatever else Liam had to face, his teacher would be there for him.
As the rest of the children ran inside, she took a seat at the back of the class along with some other new parents, as she’d arranged with Megan. They’d agreed she should stay until she felt comfortable enough to leave.
She’d decided earlier that she would stay for the entire morning. But in the end, it wasn’t the length of time that reassured Jen, it was a specific moment.
After Megan had handed out the books for reading time, another boy, who Megan called George, had sidled up to Liam to look at his book. It was clear that they’d met before as Liam immediately relaxed and and the two boys were soon huddled together, pointing things out in the book and talking excitedly.
Then it was Liam’s turn to read out loud. Jen’s heart was in her mouth. Liam had always been good at reading and, knowing this, Megan had asked him to read aloud to the rest of the class.
‘Your turn, Liam,’ coaxed George, and Jen held her breath.
Liam’s voice was quiet at first but gained strength as he focused on what he was reading. After he’d finished, a girl shouted out. ‘Hey, you talk funny!’ A ripple of giggles spread through the group.
Jen’s protective instincts flared, ready to rush to his defence, but Liam simply looked at her and replied, ‘I used to live in England, but I like it better here.’ His calmness stilled the laughter, and curiosity transformed into nods of acceptance. Jen exhaled, her fears dissipating.
‘Jen?’ Megan’s gentle voice drew her attention. ‘I think Liam’s going to be fine. Why don’t you go, and I’ll call if he needs you.’
Jen swallowed hard. ‘Thank you,’ she said with a grateful smile. With a last glance at Liam, now animatedly discussing space travel with his new friend, she stepped out of the classroom, feeling a weight had shifted off her shoulders. He was going to be all right.