Page 55 of Sanctuary at MacLeod's Cove
‘I can see that.’
‘I don’t mean only looks. She really is a kind girl. She’d do anything for anyone. The difficulty will be protecting her.’
‘Ah, protecting someone is always hard.’
‘Yeah, I know. I’ve found that out already. I just love her, you know?’
Jen nodded. ‘And loving someone is even harder,’ she said with a smile that wasn’t reciprocated.
Their gazes tangled, and neither spoke. Dan broke the silence by clearing his throat and jumping up. ‘I’d best help the girls in the kitchen before I’m called a chauvinist.’
‘Tell me about her, Sam. If you want to, that is.’
Sam sat back and relaxed against the cushions, glancing out at the horizon as if finding it easier to think about his stepdaughter if he looked in her direction, even if it was over 2,000 kms away.
‘She was eight when I married her mother, Sarah. Her birth father had no interest in her, so I regard her as mine. We were always close until I separated from Sarah, who puts every obstacle she can between us. She still seems to want to punish me for not living the kind of life she wanted to live. So Ailsa and I meet whenever we can. It’s easier now she’s older. But of course she loves her mum and doesn’t want to upset her. And I love Ailsa.’
Jen looked down at the table, shifting her glass onto a beer mat for something to do as her mind insisted on dwelling on the word ‘love’.
‘What are you thinking?’ he asked.
She looked up sharply. ‘I’m wondering if you’ve told her you love her.’
‘Yes. If there’s one thing I learnt about not telling you all those years ago, it’s that I need to be clear about my feelings. Not imagine that just because I feel them, that other people should somehow know what I’m thinking, know what I’m feeling. I make it quite clear now.’
‘Good,’ she said, unable to prevent the feeling of sadness that her loss had been others’ gain.
‘I mucked up fifteen years ago. Big time. I took you for granted and never told you what I felt, what you meant to me. But I’m here for you now. If you want me.’
‘I…’ She shook her head, unable to voice the contradictory feelings. She’d only just left her ex, although she’d left him emotionally many years earlier. And she knew she had deep feelings for Sam, but how could she tell him what they were when there was no way she could turn to him on the rebound? He deserved better than that. Liam deserved better than that. The only person she wasn’t sure of was herself.
‘I know it’s too soon.’ He grunted. ‘I shouldn’t have said anything.’
‘I’m glad you did. But I haven’t got a clear head yet. I’m still scared my past will catch up with me.’
‘Just know this, Jen, I will not make the same mistake again of not telling you how I feel. I love you. It’s that simple, and it’s that complicated. I love you. There, it’s out there, to do with what you will.’
And she didn’t know what to do with his words. They wrapped around her heart and mind, filling her with confusion and joy in equal measure. She had no idea what her expression was conveying to Sam.
‘It’s OK,’ said Sam with a smile. ‘You don’t have to say anything. It’s only me who had to. It’s only me who was long overdue in saying how I feel.’
‘Hey, Sam!’ called Ellie, stepping out onto the verandah, oblivious to what was going on. ‘Where’s this house Dan said you’re building?’ Ellie peered over the verandah.’
‘You can’t see it from here. It’s up the beach a bit.’
She grabbed his hand and pulled. ‘Come on, Sam. Come and show me. I’d love to see. I have a thing about beach houses.’
Sam didn’t move but glanced at Jen. It was obvious he’d prefer to continue their conversation. But even if she wanted to, she couldn’t. It was premature. She wasn’t ready.
‘You show Ellie,’ said Jen. ‘I should go help. I can hear Lucy preparing supper already.’
Without waiting for a reply, she jumped up and stepped inside. She paused at a window and watched Sam and Ellie walk out to the sand dunes. He pointed north, the sea breeze tossing his golden hair. He might be fifteen years older now, and those years had changed him for the good, but he was still essentially the same man. It seemed he’d grown emotionally as well as physically. But some things had stayed the same. His eyes. His smile. And, apparently, his feelings for her.
She turned her back on the window and went in search of the others, a different woman from the one who’d woken up this morning. Because, despite the brevity of their conversation, Sam had given her something she hadn’t felt in years. Hope.
Chapter Sixteen
The weekend had flown by. Jen had forgotten what it was like to be part of a functioning family. Surrounded by people who shared a history with you, who knew you well, and who cared for you. And to think, fifteen years ago she couldn’t wait to leave it all behind.
