Page 43 of At the Sheikh's Pleasure
It also wasn’t the same because her colleagues weren’t the same.Both Leonora and Janey had returned from overseas to complete their contracts and preparations for the forthcoming bi-centennial celebrations.But both had changed, both had a different focus now.But not her.Her focus had to be here, at Oxford University.It was a path she’d chosen years ago and sacrificed so much for.And, despite what she’d thought only days earlier, it was a path she still had to tread.But it was like eating food without flavor, listening to a conversation without meaning—it left her untouched and wanting something different and more vivid.
The sleety rain ran in thick rivulets down the bumpy old glass of her college office, distorting the clock tower opposite, which chimed the hour with gloomy regularity.She shivered and switched the battered old heater up.The sleet from the leaden clouds was already turning to snow.She couldn’t seem to get or keep warm since her return.She felt like a flower without the sun in the cold northern spring—lost and yearning for that which she’d lost, knowing she could never have it.
Should she have stayed?She asked herself the question for the millionth time since her return.But the answer was always the same.How could she have stayed with a man who, though she loved with all her heart, appeared happy to use their love for his own ends?How could she trust in that love?No, she knew she’d done the right thing.And she’d do it again.Except… She looked back out the window and sighed.Except if it was the right thing to do, then why did it feel so wrong?
The ringing of an old-fashioned bell broke her reverie.Her college still used land-lines and ancient phones to connect the offices to the main gatehouse.She had a visitor, but the porter didn’t say who.A student she thought, shrugging on her thick winter coat over her sweater and jeans.She hadn’t been expecting anyone and her hair was loose.She ran down the worn, wooden stairs and out into the quadrangle, which was already collecting a thin layer of snow.She shuddered, although she should have been warm under the thick wool coat.The unseasonably icy air was sharp in her lungs as she greeted another academic returning to the office.
“Hi,” she said to the porter, looking around.“You said I had a visitor?”
“Ah, yes, Dr.Al Khal.He’s over there.”
She turned to see Zaire standing in the shadows, leaning against the wall, his hands thrust into his coat, the collar up, as if he, too, was suffering from the cold.
“Zaire.”She had to stop herself from running over to him and into those arms, stop herself from warming him up exactly how she knew he’d like to be warmed up.
“Rosana,” he said, stepping towards her as if he had the same instinct but couldn’t prevent himself from moving toward her.In the end he did stop himself, but only after she took a step back.He grimaced at the snub.“It’s good to see you.”
“It’s…” She nodded, warring with what she wanted to say, and what she needed to say.“Yes…” she trailed off, knowing she wasn’t making sense but also knowing there was no sense to be made of the conflicting needs of her body and brain.
He smiled, as if understanding her confusion.He looked around.“Is there somewhere we could go to talk?”
The image of her bed sprang to mind, but she pushed it firmly away.“Sure, there’s a pub around the corner.”
They walked side by side along the pavement to the King’s Arms.Only a few inches separated them, but it felt like a yawning chasm.She thought anyone watching them would think they were only acquaintances as they walked in uneasy silence.He opened the door for her and she walked past, her shoulder brushing his, causing a sharp intake of breath which filled her lungs full of his scent—a mixture of sandalwood and pure, mouthwatering male.She glanced up into eyes that darkened instantly with desire and knew hers were doing the same as her body warmed and melted under that gaze.She swallowed and walked on into the bar, thankful the place was busy.She sat at a table while he went to get their drinks.
She was glad of the opportunity to collect her thoughts as she watched him.Even in an ordinary pub in England, he looked impressive with his tall, broad physique and commanding air.People were eying him surreptitiously, aware of his aura of power.When he returned and placed the drinks on the table, she felt in control once more.
“Why are you here, Zaire?”
“Why?”he asked with a wry smile.“I thought it might take longer to get to that question.I should have realized you’d be direct.So I will be, too.The reason I’m here is because of this.”He promptly slipped off the seat and got to one knee, producing a velvet box from the pocket of his coat as he did so.“I love you, Rosana, and I cannot imagine life without you.Would you do me the honor of becoming my wife?”
So much for being in control.Rosana didn’t know whether to laugh at this autocratic man, kneeling on the worn, beer-soaked floor of the pub with students and academics watching on with amusement, or cry in confusion.In the end, she did neither.
“Zaire, no.”
He frowned.“No, you won’t marry me?”
“No, don’t do that, and no don’t ask me, and… justnoto everything!”
Before he could say anything more, she jumped up and ran out into the frigid evening, brightened by falling snow, across the road to a park.Despite the muffled sounds of the city all around, she knew he was following her.Eventually, once she was in the center of the park, she stopped and turned around, realizing that she had no choice but to face him.
He came a few steps closer, his hand still holding out the ring, snowflakes dusting his dark hair and coat.She gave a surprised laugh.His frown deepened.
“You think I am joking?”
“No, it’s only, you look so out of place.Your home is Sifra, not this cold place.”
“And so is yours, if you’ll only see it.”
“I can’t make a home where there is no respect, where I cannot trust.”
“Don’t you see, Rosana?Everything I’ve done is to prove to you that you are at the center of my world.You’re the fulcrum upon which my life balances.Without you, there is no life.Everything else has to work around you.And that’s why I’ve waited until I could be sure that everything is in place.”
“What’s in place?”
“You haven’t heard?”
She shook her head.“What?”
