Page 41 of At the Sheikh's Pleasure
“You ask me why I distrust men?Hey?You don’t think it’s something to do with the fact the most important men in my life have betrayed me?Have used me for their own ends?”She shook her head and blinked, willing the tears which pricked her eyes to stay unshed.But it wasn’t to be, and they flowed thick and fast down her heated cheeks, stinging them with the traitorous show of grief.She didn’t want anyone to know how devastated she was by this most recent, and most terrible of betrayals.But she could see from his face that he was moved, and he reached out to her.She took a step away and he let his arms drop.“Let me go,” she said in a strangled voice.
“Of course I will, because I love you, and I never want to trap you.”He dipped his head and looked at her from beneath a lowered brow.“But know this.”His voice was intense and low.“Whatever you think I’ve done, it’s been done for one reason only, and that’s to clear the way so that we can be together.I know how much your father hurt you, and I’ve been trying to mend that as well.Don’t you see, Rosana?I only want you to be happy.”
“Then let me go.”
“Haven’t you heard what I’ve said?”
“I’ve heard.They’re only words.Words which don’t explain what I overheard you telling my father.”
He winced and closed his eyes briefly.“Ah, I see.I imagine you heard me tell your father that my plan had worked out better than I’d thought.”
She felt a sharp pain which sent tingling sensations coursing down to her fingers, such was the hurt at the devastating memory.“I did.”
“Thing is, it’s the truth.My planhadworked out better than I’d thought.Far better.But in a way I’d never imagined.My plan was to use you to put my country on a stronger footing by weakening your father’s alliances.”
“And that’s what I’ve got.”
“Maybe.But I’ve also got something far more valuable—I’ve got you.”
She shook her head.“You expect me to believe I’m more important than your country?Because I don’t.You’re the king of Sifra and I know you’d do anything for your country, and marriage to me would only do you good.”
“That’s true, but it doesn’t negate the fact that I love you.Do you still love me?”
Did she?She shook her head, trying to figure out what she felt, arrested by the question.She knew she did, but did that overcome the fact that he’d used her?She shook her head again and gripped the door handle.He must have given security a sign because now when she twisted it, it opened.
“It’s irrelevant.”
His eyes widened.“Love is irrelevant?”
“There are more important things than love.”
“No, Galila showed me that.You’re wrong.There aren’t.”
“Where does trust come into it?”
He was silent.And in that moment, she knew she had to leave.Love wasn’t enough.It never was.Everyone in her history—including her family and Queen Mandana, who’d been betrayed by her lover—had been shown that love was never enough.
“It doesn’t,” she said dully and walked out the doorway, toward the departure desk.
Suddenly the tannoy announced an invitation for people to board the plane.She was ushered straight onto it, not even having to show her boarding pass, and taken to a first-class seat where she sat, stunned.She refused to look out her window toward the terminal building, so close.What had she done?Suddenly doubt clouded her mind, and she twisted her head to look out the window after all.Her gaze connected with Zaire’s.He was standing, hands thrust in his pockets, looking directly at her, his face as stony as hers.She reached out and slammed down the shade and sat back, blinking.
“Is everything all right, madam?”asked the stewardess.
She nodded, but she sincerely doubted that anything would ever be right again.She was leaving the man she loved, body and soul, to return to her adopted country, which would never truly be home to her.But any other choice would deny her the right to choose and to live freely.And, after all she’d been through, she knew love had to be free of control.
She’d said love wasn’t enough, but she’d lied.It was only love she wanted.A love so strong that nothing else—no politics, no family—could touch it.And Zaire had proved that his love for her didn’t match that.And she refused to compromise.She owed herself that much.
Chapter20
Whatever Zaire had imagined life would be like without Rosana, it hadn’t been like this.He couldn’t seem to smile anymore.Food was tasteless, fragrance was spoiled.He felt sick to his stomach for placing politics on a level with love, for jeopardizing the one good thing that had happened to him since Galila had passed.And he didn’t know how the hell to put things right.
“Are you even listening to me?”asked Amare, sitting forward, moving his head into Zaire’s line of sight, obscuring his view of the sky which was where his gaze invariably rested, since Rosana had left.
Zaire sighed and turned to his younger brother who’d returned, along with Darrius, to sort out the mess of Sifra’s relationships with its neighboring countries.
“It’s impossible not to hear you.You haven’t stopped talking since you arrived.”
Amare’s usual good-humor wasn’t in evidence.“There’s a difference between hearing and listening!”
