Page 51 of Impulsive Saint
His jaw tightened almost imperceptibly, a sure sign he was trying to rein himself in. If she hadn’t spent every minute of her life with him for the past several days, she might not have even noticed it. But she had, and she’d been watching him, learning him in ways she herself hadn’t even realized at the time.
Her heart gave a traitorous thump and she pulled her gaze away from him. No. She wasn’t going to do this. She wasn’t going to let herself fall for another man that wanted her to be something that she wasn’t. She liked Tyler. The last few days on the road together had been fun and eye-opening and the adventure that she’d longed for all her life. But that didn’t mean she could let herself fall for him, especially not when she was still so damn angry at him for giving her the best night of her life and then ripping away what small bit of happiness she’d managed to find amid this nightmare.
“Tattoos are forever, Ashtyn.” he finally said, his voice as even as hers had been.
“I’m aware of how they work, Tyler.” she shot back, using his name like he used hers.
“I mean, they’re forever and this trip isn’t. This trip of yours is going to end. We could be in Vegas by tomorrow night.”
“Which is why I need to do this now.” she insisted as Tyler shook his head, clearly not done.
“This adventure of yours is going to end and you’ll go back home to Nashville, to the loving arms of your father and your family, and maybe even Aaron. You’re going to wake up and realize this trip was just a lark, a distraction, it’ll end up being just a funny story to tell your friends at dinner parties and when that happens, you don’t want to have some gaudy tattoo marring your beautiful skin and reminding you of the mistakes you made along the way.”
Ashtyn stared at him as she tried to process his words. Did he really still think she was going to run back home and throw herself at Aaron? Beg him to take her back? Fall back into the life she’d run away from? As if this trip was just to sow her wild oats before she settled down and became the perfect politician’s wife her family wanted her to be? She couldn’t even begin to care that he’d called her beautiful because what sank in and wrapped around her heart like thorns was that he still thought she would wake up and see all of this as a mistake someday.
She bit her lip to keep back a flash of tears that threatened, “You really think that little of me?”
“Ashtyn, I…”
She held up a hand to stop him, “We’ve talked about this. We’ve gone around and around and I thought I’d explained myself. I thought you understood. I thought you knew me, because I’ve been moremewith you than I’ve ever been with anyone.” She gave a sad shake of her head, “After this morning, maybe I should have realized I was wrong about you but the truth is, you’re just as wrong about me, Tyler.”
She started to turn and leave the room but his voice stopped her in her tracks. It was softer now. Pleading instead of demanding.
“Don’t do this.”
She turned back, “Don’t try to stop me. It’s my body, and it’s my decision. And if you get in my way, I’ll hate you forever.”
His blue eyes seemed to be begging her, “You don’t need a tattoo to remember this trip if you’re really not going back to Nashville to marry Aaron. If this is who you really are, if this is the life you want, where you’re free to do and be whoever you want, you won’t need a tattoo to remember this time by.”
“I might not need it, but I want it, and that’s a good enough reason for me.” She met his gaze and admitted something she’d had no intention of putting into words. “It might not be a memento of who I was on this trip or in this moment but it will be a memory I get to keep forever of the first time I let myself want something that everyone else said was a mistake… even the person I wanted it with.”
Tyler gave no reaction to her words. He blinked and his jaw tightened again but he said nothing. Ashtyn wasn’t sure there was anything he could say in that moment, certainly nothing to change her mind. With a curt nod, she turned and walked out of the motel room, slamming the door behind her and walking bravely past the window and down the block before she broke into a full on run, needing to put as much distance as possible between herself and the man that had no idea he was breaking her heart.
Tears welled in her eyes but she pushed them away as she rounded the corner and forced herself to slow down and breathe. Tyler was an idiot but he was a man, so of course he didn’t understand. She was the true moron in this situation because somewhere along the way, she’d started to fall for him and she hadn’t even realized it until he pulled away from her and called her a mistake.
She tried to console herself with the knowledge that it wasn’t love. It couldn’t be love that she felt for him. She hadn’t known him long enough. She was merely infatuated and yeah, lust had played a big part in that.
He had been there for her when nobody else had. He had been the one to catch her when she fell. He’d put her back on her feet and told her to try again. Of course she would develop feelings for a man like that, a man so different from all the ones who had come before him in her life.
But to find out that he wasn’t different, that he was just like all the rest, that he still, after all they’d been through, believed she would run back home and beg Aaron to take her back and live the picture-perfect life that was expected of her hurt. It hurt far more than she’d expected it to. Which was when she’d realized it wasn’t just lust that she felt for the stupid man.
Without really thinking about it, she pulled the small cell phone she’d purchased out of the pocket of her jacket and dialed a number she hadn’t even realized she knew by heart. She’d been using payphones and hotel room phones and once or twice Tyler had even let her use his phone to call or text Kelsey and let her know how things were going and that she was still alive. She assumed that Kelsey was relating the information to both of her parents so that they wouldn’t worry but she’d been too scared to reach out to them herself. Now, as her mother’s voice came through the line, she wished she’d called earlier.
“Ashtyn? Baby, is that you?”
“Hi Mom.”
“Oh sweetheart.” Relief flooded the line and Ashtyn felt guilt twist knots in her belly. “I’ve been so worried.”
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you worry, I just…”
“Needed to get away.” Her mother finished for her when she trailed off. “I understand.”
“I know you do. I’m sorry I didn’t call sooner. I should’ve known you would understand why I had to get away and you wouldn’t judge me for acting so… impulsively.”
Her mother was quiet for a second before her tone became more careful, “Are you okay, sweetheart? Has something happened? Is that why you’re calling now?”
“No. Yes. I mean…” Ashtyn sighed, looking up at the night sky with its millions of twinkling stars before shaking her head. “I mean, no. Nothing bad has happened. Not really. I’m fine. I just…”
