Page 23 of Imperfect Saint
“It’s not like I think you’re going to attack me.”
“Millie.” He pulled at the pillow again but she held firm.
“Hunter.” She shot his name back in just as an exasperated tone. “Hear me out. I don’t think you’re going to like, attack me or force me into anything but I will admit… I was wondering what would happen if we shared this bed and got tangled up in the middle of the night…”
“And?”
“And… I was trying to figure out if that was something I was actually worried about or hoping for.”
Hunter groaned again and this time he swiped a big hand over his face, eyes closed, as he shook his head, “God. Mills. What did I tell you about saying stuff like that?”
“You told me not to say it if I didn’t mean it, but I do. It’s just the truth, Hunter. That’s what scares me most about you. Something about you, everything about you, makes me want to tell you all my truths.”
“I also told you that you don’t have to be afraid of me. You can tell me anything. It’s not going to change how I feel about you.”
She chewed the inside of her cheek because having him back within touching distance, barely clothed, in her bedroom, telling her that nothing would change how he felt about her, made her ache inside. She wanted to have the courage to reach for him. She wanted to believe him. But she still wasn’t ready and she knew if she told him while they were here, for the wedding, with Joshua just downstairs in a guest room, that Hunter would want to make him pay for hurting her. He’d cause a scene. He’d ruin the wedding. And she’d brought him to avoid any scenes with her ex.
“Just…” She tugged the pillow again and he let it slip from between his fingers, letting her win a battle she knew he could have won with one firm tug in the other direction, “We can share the bed, right? We’re adults. Not hormonal teenagers. We can sleep beside one another and it’ll be fine. Right?”
Hunter smirked when she glanced up at him, “You tell me, beautiful. You’re the one clearly thinking about jumping my bones.”
She let out a snort of surprised laughter and he chuckled. The weight that had become suffocating in the room eased with their laughter. Millie felt her heart slip a little more out of her grasp at the easy way he handled her and lightened the seriousness of the mood. She smiled up at him and he returned her knowing smile before retreating to the door and motioning for her to get into bed before he flipped the light switch.
Millie crawled beneath the covers. Hunter flipped the lights off and she heard him move towards the bed again. She bit her cheek in the darkness. She’d won the argument but really, had she? She lay perfectly still as Hunter slid into the bed on the other side and arranged his big body, getting comfortable. She stared at the ceiling until her vision began to adjust and she could make out the shape of the fan on the ceiling.
She admitted to herself, in that moment, that yes, this was what she’d wanted. Hunter was what she wanted. Even if the two of them together was a bad idea, even if they worked together, even if it was complicated and she was broken and scared, he wasn’t just the kind of man she wanted. He was the man that she could see herself being with, healing with, growing with and as terrifying as it was, opening up to him had to start somewhere.
She’d lied about so many things. Kept so many secrets. But there was one truth that she needed to hear and she thought that he needed to tell it just as badly from the way he’d reacted when she told him not to earlier. The easy way out, that was what he’d called it then and she’d known it made her a chicken to take it. He’d said the same thing about him sleeping on the couch but she hadn’t let him get away with it then and she knew if she truly wanted a future with this man that seemed to know her better than she knew herself, that she had to ask.
“Hunter?” She whispered his name in case he’d fallen asleep.
“Yeah?” He whispered back instantly and she smiled in the darkness, loving the way his voice sounded more like a growl when it went low like that.
“What was the other answer?”
“What do you mean?” He shifted slightly, the mattress moving under his weight, but she didn’t dare roll to face him in case he was looking at her. She didn’t think she’d have the courage to ask the question if she could see his eyes. She closed her own and took a deep breath before asking again.
“Earlier, when we were dancing, you kissed me and when I asked why you told me I could have the easy answer or the truth.”
“And you chose the easy answer.” He reminded her softly.
“I… I changed my mind.” She swallowed past the knot in her throat, “Why did you kiss me? Why then? Why now?”
Hunter gave a heavy sigh and she felt him shift again, “You want the truth?”
“Yeah.” She nodded even though she wasn’t sure he could see her, “Yeah I think that would be a nice change in one of my relationships.”
Hunter didn’t move for a moment. She wasn’t even sure he breathed. She worried that she’d said too much, that he would put all of her lies and omissions together just from that one sentence. But then she felt it. He reached for her hand on top of the blankets and she let him take it. He laced their fingers together and she tried to steady her breathing when he slid his thumb across her wrist, no doubt feeling the thrumming pulse there.
“The truth is, I couldn’t imagine spending one more second of my life not knowing what it was like to kiss you, Millie. You can try to chalk it up to nothing but an act for your family or your ex, but I wasn’t pretending. Nothing about that kiss was fake for me and I really, really hope I get the chance to kiss you again, because you may not think you’re perfect but to me, you are.”
Millie’s bottom lip quivered and tears formed in her eyes at the sweet words. He couldn’t see her in the dark room. She was almost sure of it. Still, she didn’t let the tears fall. She closed her eyes and squeezed them back, swallowed down the rush of emotions that came along with them, and tried to steady herself yet again. That was something she always seemed to be doing with Hunter because no matter how she thought her feet were planted firmly on the ground, he continued to knock her off balance.
“Mills?” His voice was soft, barely a whisper, “Say something. Please?”
God, she loved how damn sweet he was. She loved his honesty and his openness. She envied him the ability to simply put what he was feeling into words because for the life of her, she couldn’t think of any at that moment.
Instead, she let her heart guide her. She squeezed his hand and then, she scooted across the bed towards him. She heard him suck in a quick gulp of air but he didn’t move. He didn’t try to pull her closer, or on top of him. He didn’t try to kiss her or make this moment sexual. It was far more intimate than that and he let her have complete control.
