Page 42 of Should've Been Us
“Don’t freak out.” Connor reached forher.
“I’m not freakingout.”
“Are you sure? Because you’re doing that thing you do where you stare off into space and don’t say anything for a long time.” He frowned, “I swear to you that I didn’t mean to forget. I just… it’s you and I thought I was prepared for you but dammit I guess I wasn’t because I don’t think straight aroundyou.”
“It wasn’t just your responsibility. I could’ve said something.” Lulu shook her head, “Look, I’m on the pill. I’m a dancer and it helps regulate my cycles. You don’t have to worry aboutthat.”
“Worry about… Jesus, Lu. You think I’m worried about me? I’m worried about you! I’ve been tested and I haven’t been with anyone since but dammit you shouldn’t have to take my word for that. I should’ve beenprepared.”
“Don’t yell at me! We’re both adults here. It’s just as much my responsibility to be safe as it is yours.” She raised her voice to yell right back at him and then she caught herself and started laughing. “Oh my God, Connor! See! We’re already arguing. We can’t agree onanything!”
He softened a little, “We agree that disagreeing can be funsometimes.”
She snorted, “Is this an awful idea,Con?”
“You andme?”
“Yeah, you andme.”
“No, baby. It’s a great idea. Come here, let me prove it to you again.” He dragged her down into the sheets and she giggled as he kissed herneck.
“You know we’ll have to leave this bed and this room at some pointright?”
“I know.” Hesighed.
“I was thinking…” She trailed off and he sat up enough to look her in the eyeagain.
“Uh oh, you’re about to say something that’s gonna piss me off aren’t you?” Connor shook his head, “Don’t say it,Lu.”
“Maybe we shouldn’t tell anyone aboutthis.”
“Dammit Lu. I said don’t say it.” He sat upright and all butpouted.
“I’m not trying to hide it Ijust…”
“You damn sure are.” He cutin.
“Just, listen to me. Please.” She caught his arm when he started to crawl from the bed, “You said yourself that this week isn’t about me. It isn’t about us. This is Derek and Aubrey’s wedding. Would telling them we’re sleeping together really make you happy? When you’re the one that told me not to ruin things forthem?”
“First off,” Connor pinned her with a look, “We’re together. We’re not just sleeping together. And yeah, it would make me happy. I want the world to know you’re minenow.”
“Like a dog pissing on his property.” She rolled her eyes, “You don’t want to tell the world. You want to tellDerek.”
“Don’t.” Hegrowled.
“Don’t what? Tell you when you’re acting like acaveman?”
“Don’t act like I’m the only one thinking about him right now. Is it that you don’t want anyone to know or is it just Derek that you don’t want to tell,Lu?”
Lulu winced at the accusation as much as the way Connor sneered it at her. Maybe she had that coming. After all, he knew better than anyone just how she’d felt for Derek. But she was here, with him, and despite everything her head was telling her, her heart wanted to give them a shot, a real shot and she’d assumed if anyone would understand why that shot shouldn’t be hinged on Derek’s reaction she’d thought it would beConnor.
“Dammit Lulu.” He sighed and she glanced up to see him pulling at his hair, “I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. It’sjust…”
“You’re jealous.” She watched him pace and shook her head in disbelief. “That’s what this is really about. That’s what it has always been about, isn’t it? All of the fighting and the snide remarks and telling me he doesn’t deserve me. You were…jealous?”
“Of course I’m fucking jealous.” Connor groaned, “For years I had to watch you accept crumbs of his attention when I was right fucking there, wanting to give you the world. So yeah, I’m jealous you wanted him and not me and now that I have you, I damn sure don’t want to have to hide how I feel about youanymore.”
Her heart was in her throat, “Con…”
