Page 18 of Once Upon a December
“I’m not going.”
“But I thought, maybe, since this year we’ve spent so much time planning it and I’ll be there with you…”
“No buts.” He paused to take a deep breath when his words came out sharp and Felix took a step back from him. “Fe, I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression but I’m not going. I don’t do the whole Christmas celebration thing. You know that.”
“I know that you have a lot of bad memories this time of year, traumatic memories even, I guess I was just hoping that since we’re together that you might at least try to enjoy yourself.”
“I don’t celebrate Christmas.” He winced at the hurt that laced Felix’s voice and tried to explain, “It isn’t about you. It’s me. I can’t go out and dance and drink and celebrate on the anniversary of the night my parents died. You’ve made this season more bearable than any I’ve had in the last eleven years but…” He shook his head when Felix dropped his chin, “I just can’t, Fe. Please understand that I can’t.”
His throat felt tight and raw, as if he’d just swallowed knives. His entire body seemed to be vibrating. It was partly irritation. He knew that feeling well. But another part of it, a big part of it, was worry. He was worried that shutting Felix down on this would be the thing to finally send him running away. Felix had been so kind and so understanding about his menagerie of issues when it came to this holiday season. But he was also right in that they’d spent a lot of time together planning this party. It wasn’t crazy to think that he would want Gibson to come with him to the party, to be with him on one of the biggest nights of the year.
“If I could, Fe, I’d do it for you.” His voice was rough but Felix shook him off.
“No. It’s fine. I understand.” Felix didn’t look at him though, he stared at his glass of orange juice and shrugged, “I understand. I shouldn’t have pushed. I’m sorry.”
Gibson winced as Felix turned and moved back to the sink. This time, he didn’t come right back. He rinsed out his glass and then began doing the same with their plates and silverware. His shoulders were tense and his movements were jerky and Gibson’s worry tripped into panic at the cold shoulder.
He rose from his chair, “Baby, look at me.”
Felix didn’t turn around.
“Baby, please. Don’t shut me out now.” He reached for Felix’s shoulder and physically turned him around when he made no move to do it himself.
Instead of looking up at him though, Felix ducked his head and leaned against Gibson’s chest. Gibson instantly wrapped his arms around him and held him close. Felix’s hands were damp against his back but he didn’t care. He held on to him like a lifeline until Felix finally began to loosen in his hold. The tension seeped from his strong, muscular body and he sighed as he banged his head against Gibson’s chest softly.
“I’m sorry.”
“No, I’m sorry.” Gibson kissed the top of his head, “I’m sorry that I can’t do this for you.”
“I shouldn’t have just assumed though…” Felix finally glanced up at him, “You made it clear from the start that you had no intention of attending. I’m the one that got my hopes up for no reason. It isn’t your fault.”
“It is thought, isn’t it?” He stroked his thumb over Felix’s cheek.
“No. You’ve gone through so much because of what happened to your family. You still deal with the fallout every day. You run your father’s company and you take care of your uncle and your brothers. I was being selfish wanting you to go for me.”
“Felix, baby, I’d do anything else for you. Literally anything.” Gibson held his face and met his dark gaze, “I love you. I’m so damn crazy in love with you. I’d give you the world if I could. I just… I can’t give you this. Not now. Not yet. I’m not ready to go there, to that place, the last place my parents were alive.”
Big hands came up and gripped his wrists, Felix’s eyes had gone wide, “You love me?”
“You know I do.” Gibson dropped their foreheads together.
“Gibson Frost, you can’t just drop something like that in the middle of a sentence while I’m trying to be mad at you.” Felix smiled a little and Gibson’s heart ached a little less.
“Don’t be mad at me. Please.”
“How can I be when you just admitted you love me?” Felix rubbed their noses together, “It’s fine. I promise. I’m not mad at you.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m a little sad. I was really hoping to show off my hot boyfriend tomorrow night. But I understand.”
“Thank you.” Gibson kissed him softly, “Thank you for understanding.”
They stood there like that, holding one another, kissing occasionally, for a long time. They only pulled apart when a phone began to ring in the bedroom. Gibson sighed, knowing it was most likely Julian reminding him about his schedule for the day. Felix stepped back and gave him another soft smile.
“Go. You have work to do and so do I.”
“You’re leaving?”
