Page 34 of Stay A Little Longer
“But,” Trent cut him off with a nip at his bottom lip, “I have a feeling you’re not usually the talkative type so, we’re going to play a game.”
“A game?”
“Uh huh.” Trent ran his fingers down Lance’s chest in a really distracting way, “I’m going to ask a question and when you answer me, I’m gonna give you rewards.”
Lance’s voice came out strangled because Trent pinched his nipple, “Rewards?”
“Mmhmm.” Trent seemed completely focused on the nipple he was tweaking, “So tell me, Lance… when did you know you were gay?”
Lance shivered at the light, teasing touch, even as his mind rebelled against the question. He didn’t talk about this. Didn’t talk about who he was. Not to anyone. He’d spent years hiding his truth, desperate to make sure nobody ever found out his secret. And Trent expected him to just open up and spill his guts, all because they’d exchanged a couple handjobs, and he’d blown him?
No, no it wasn’t going to work like that. Not for him. He was too twisted up. He struggled against the cuffs as his mind raced but warm hands cupping his face forced him to still.
He glanced up into blue eyes that were suddenly serious and shook his head, “Trent…”
“Shh. It’s okay. It’s okay.” Trent soothed gently, brushing kisses across his lips, “Breathe.”
Lance sucked in a gulp of air and realized Trent was right. He hadn’t been breathing. His mind and his heart were both racing but his body had shut down. One damn mention of the fact he was gay made him shut down. Didn’t matter that he could still taste Trent’s come on his tongue or that he was naked in bed with the man now, hearing it out loud, talking about it, sent him into a full-blown panic attack.
He supposed that’s what he got for denying the truth for so long. For pushing it down deep where he didn’t even have to think about it. For locking it up so tight that the idea of letting it out now seemed impossible.
“Breathe.” Trent soothed, running his hands over Lance’s jaw, his neck, his shoulders and chest, “Breathe, baby.”
Lance swallowed hard and closed his eyes, “Not. A. Baby.”
He heard Trent snort, “We’ve covered that already. I’m looking to branch into new territory. If you’re not ready for that, don’t want to talk to me, then I can go.”
His eyes flew open, “No.”
“No?” Trent raised an eyebrow.
“No, don’t go. Please.”
Trent softened, “Then talk to me, Lance. Tell me what made you so scared you probably bruised your wrists struggling just now. You want me to undo the cuffs?”
Lance closed his eyes again and forced a deep breath and then another. He’d ruined the mood like an idiot. Like a closet case. He was in bed with the man of his dreams and it wasn’t as if Trent was asking for anything but the truth, to get to know him better. Lance opened his eyes slowly, focused on the gorgeous face of the man he was falling for and shook his head.
“I didn’t admit I was gay, even to myself, for a long time.” Lance struggled past the knot in his throat when Trent continued stroking his wrists reassuringly, “I’m sure you heard the stories today, from Lemon or Shane or… hell, just about anyone if you’d asked about me.”
Trent’s lips pursed, “Lemon mentioned something about you being a bit of a… womanizer.”
Lance winced, “That’s putting it kindly. I wasn’t a good guy, Trent. I used women to ignore my urges, to pretend I didn’t want what I wanted. I slept with a lot of women. I hurt a lot of women. All because I couldn’t admit that I was gay and being with them made hiding it easier.”
“That doesn’t make you a bad guy, Lance. It makes you normal. You tried to be straight. So did I for a while. I just stopped lying to myself after the first time I slept with a woman and didn’t feel anything.”
“It was a lot more than one woman for me.”
Trent’s lips twitched slightly, “I don’t need to know your number if that’s what you’re worried about… but I do have a follow-up question.”
Lance tensed but forced a nod, “Okay?”
“Have you been with a man before?”
“Of course.”
“And with that man…”
“Men.” Lance corrected with a sigh. “I’ve had hook-ups Trent. Don’t talk to me like I’m some scared, little virgin.”
