Page 4 of Stay A Little Longer
Chapter Two
What a motherfuckin’ train wreck of a day.
Lance Nichols cursed under his breath as he crawled back into his cruiser after writing a speeding ticket to one of his ex-girlfriends. It was actually the third one today. Not tickets. He’d written a handful of those. No, it was the third ex-girlfriend he’d had to face today and considering not a one of his relationships had ever ended on a positive note they hadn’t been pleasant reunions.
He was a bastard. He knew that. He’d come to terms with that and a whole lot of other painful truths a while ago.
He could be a cocky son of a bitch, a side effect of being born with good looks and plenty of charm. He’d been the popular prom king, football team type of guy in high school and in a small town like Fate that had earned him unending hero worship. Adding in the badge only drew more attention, particularly from women, and in his younger years he’d certainly reeled them in as fast as they threw themselves at him.
He’d flipped and flopped and spiraled and ducked and leaped on new girl after new girl. He was embarrassed to say he’d cheated, more than once. At the time, he’d chalked it up to not being relationship material. He’d told himself that he wasn’t the settling down kind of guy.
But somewhere, in the back of his mind, in the darkest parts of himself that he kept pushed down and hidden and reigned in on a tight leash, he’d known it was something else. That he needed something else not justsomeoneelse. It had taken him a long time, a lot of years, and using up pretty much every available woman in town for him to admit he wasn’t going to find that someone that satisfied his wants and needs.
Not here. Not in Fate. Not in the arms of a woman at all.
He shook the stray thought out of his head like he always did. He did not need that shit eating up what little brain power he had left tonight. He was exhausted. He was beaten up and bruised from the verbal insults he’d had hurled at him and all he wanted to do was go home, collapse into his bed and sleep through the next forty-eight hours of free time before his shift started all over again for a new week.
Lance pulled the police radio to his mouth, “Base come in, this is Nichols.”
“Base to Nichols, go ahead.” The familiar voice of Sheila, the office dispatcher, greeted him and if he wasn’t mistaken she snarled a little bit less when she said his name than she usually did.
Maybe she was just having a good day, unlike him. Or maybe she was finally starting to get over the fact that he’d slept with her daughter and then bailed the next morning without so much as a promise to call. It had happened six, no seven years ago. Shannon was married now for god’s sake. But Sheila still snarled at him whenever he walked through the office and never missed a chance to point out that he was late or had forgotten to check a box on his paperwork. She hated him, just like every other woman in this godforsaken town.
“Heading in for the night. Shaw called in yet?”
“His shift started twelve minutes ago so yes, of course he has.”
Lance rolled his eyes at the sarcasm oozing out of the older lady. Oh, she loved Shaw. He was her good boy. Always checked in early for his shifts, brought her breakfast when he was on days and the little shit had sent her flowers,fuckin’ flowers, on Administrative Professionals Day. Lance hadn’t even known there was such a thing.
“Good.” He said evenly, “Signing off.”
“Noted and relieved of duty.” Sheila paused, “Have a good weekend Deputy Nichols.”
He snorted as he put the radio down. Yeah, she was having a good day. She only ever bothered with civilities when she was in a good mood. A wise man probably would have returned the gesture but nobody had ever accused Lance of being smart.
Besides, he was having a shit day and he didn’t feel like pretending otherwise. All he wanted was to go home and fall face first into his bed. He wanted the voices in his head to stop taunting him and only getting drunk or passing out could manage that. Sometimes one and then the other. He was too tired to swing by the Quick Stop for a six-pack so it would just be sleep tonight which was fine by him.
He was over this day.
If it had just been Julie, his previous stop, berating him it wouldn’t have been so bad. She’d been one of the last women he’d dated before he stopped sleeping around. If anything, she’d known what she was getting from him. Nothing. But still she’d pissed a bitch fit about him being a lying SOB.
Thing was, he lied about a lot of things but he’d never lied to Julie. He’d never promised her a damn thing. Even still, he’d let her snap and snarl at him while he wrote out her ticket, told her to slow down and have a nice weekend as he walked away.
But her accusations lingered in his head along with all the others.
He’d never lied to Britney Cox either. Hell, she’d all but jumpedhim, not the other way around. But he was still the one to blame for them not working out, which was true, so he let her have her anger even though it had been nearly a decade since their on again off again on again off again relationship had resulted in her dumping him once and for all.
Yeah, she’d dumped him but he was the bad guy.
She’d said he wasn’t over his ex, that she didn’t feel like he was really with her, not even when they were having sex, especially not when they were having sex. And again, she hadn’t been wrong, not about a bit of it, so when he had to pull her over for running a stop sign he’d let her go with nothing but a warning. She’d flipped him off as she drove away.
Julie and Britney he could have dealt with. It wasn’t like he didn’t run into women he’d slept with all over town. But it was Maddie that had ripped his chest wide open, just as she always did when she crossed his path.
He hadn’t ticketed her. Of course not. Perfect little Maddie McBride… No, Maddie West, his mind corrected him. She was Maddie West now and had been for far longer than she’d ever been his but somehow he still couldn’t wrap his head around her marrying Devin West of all people. He’d simply run into her in the diner today when he grabbed lunch and just as it always did, seeing her broke his heart.
Because he had loved her. She was the only woman he could say that about. He’d loved Maddie the way any teenage boy loved. Wholeheartedly, desperately, he’d loved Maddie with everything that he was. But it hadn’t been enough. Not nearly enough. And he’d hurt her. She was patient zero on his path of destruction and he would never get over that because Maddie represented everything he should have wanted.
He’d loved her. He still did. But he hadn’t been in love with her and he never would be. He’d tried. Oh, how he’d tried. But it had never felt right being with her. He’d known that he was bound to ruin some part of her if he kept up the lie but instead of being a man and telling her the truth, he’d cheated. He’d strayed and let her catch him. Let himself become the bad guy.
