Page 16 of No Apologies
“It doesn’t make you weak to ask for help, Sky. I know you like doing things on your own but you’re only human. You’re gonna have bad days and you’re gonna need somebody to help you. Don’t ever hesitate to call me…” He cleared his throat, “Or Cash and Jemma.”
“I didn’t want to worry them.”
“Sky…”
“No, I’m serious. They have so much going on with the engagement and the baby and Jemma’s gonna be moving the last of her stuff over to y’alls place soon and she’s about to start her new job. It’s a lot to deal with and she’s already so emotional. I didn’t want to worry her.”
Itwasa lot to deal with. He’d told himself, more than once since Jemma came back into their lives, that Cash didn’t need his bullshit dragging him down. His brother was happy and as carefree as he’d ever seen him. He’d finally managed to put their past behind him, had cut Decker out of his life, refusing to let that darkness touch his beautiful fiancé or the life they could have together. Colt had always kept things from Cash to protect him and more recently to protect his happiness. He couldn’t blame Skylar for doing the same thing for Jemma.
“They were still worried or they wouldn’t have called me to come and check on you.”
“I know.” Skylar whispered, stifling a yawn against his shoulder, “And I’m sorry they dragged you away from work but I’m not sorry you showed up. I appreciate it. More than you know.”
His hand traced down her back again and she shivered, “I wasn’t sure you’d want to see me. You’ve been pretty pissed at me lately.”
“I told you, I’m still pissed at you, but that doesn’t mean I don’t appreciate you showing up when I needed you.”
He wanted to ask why it was she didn’t mind him being there when she’d refused to let her boyfriend come over, but he didn’t dare. He usually just said whatever was on his mind but not with Skylar. He always had to be careful not to reveal too much around her.
And he wasn’t sure he really wanted the answer to that question. He didn’t know what would be worse, hearing that she wanted him there because she trusted him more than that other guy or if she didn’t mind him seeing her sick because she didn’t care if he saw her at her worst like she might her boyfriend.
Fuck, she had a boyfriend.
He closed his eyes and blew out an unsteady breath. He’d crossed a lot of lines in his life. He’d broken rules and laws all the same. He’d done some seriously illegal shit. But cheating was a line he’d never crossed, not knowing full well that his mother’s cheating was the reason Decker hated him and Cash so much, and he didn’t intend to follow in her footsteps. No matter how much he wanted Skylar, she belonged to someone else and he wouldn’t cross that line.
He’d tried to convince himself, once, when he first realized this guy wasn’t going to be a dick and dash situation, that Skylar having a boyfriend was a good thing. It helped him keep her at a distance. He wasn’t a cheater and he wasn’t going to make her one. But the longer this guy stuck around, the harder that had been to swallow, because his someday with her looked pretty fucking bleak if she was in love with someone else, if she decided to settle down and tie herself to someone else before he got his shit together and proved he could be good enough for her.
He had plenty of reasons for keeping her at arm’s length but the boyfriend was the one he hated the most.
Colt shook away those dark thoughts, “You think you’ll get over being mad at me anytime soon?”
“Why? You missing me?”
“Yeah.” He admitted with an uneasy smile, “I miss my daily dose of gossip. I have no idea what’s going on in town since you stopped bringing by lunch.”
She giggled and then groaned as if it hurt, “You want to know whether Freddie and Laura are really swingers, just admit it. It has nothing to do with me.”
“Nah, everyone knows the Warren’s swing with the Thornton’s.” He stroked her back again, “I miss you. There, I said it. I miss hanging out with you, okay? Will you forgive me already?”
“That didn’t sound like an apology… so no.”
He fought the urge to immediately curse. She knew him well. Too well. Because only someone that knew him inside and out would dare say something like that to him, could know what it meant to him and still push him on that issue.
Colt didn’t do apologies. He’d given them up a long time ago. He’d tried, when he was a kid, to apologize his way out of his messes but it had never worked. He’d tried apologizing for his Bomar tendencies, the ones that this entire town seemed hell bent on punishing him for, but it had never done him any good so he’d said to hell with it.
To hell with this town. To hell with the world. To hell with anyone that wanted to judge him. To hell with anyone that expected him to apologize for being who and what he was.
No apologies, that was how he lived his life.
Apologizing meant letting people have expectations of him. It meant letting someone in enough to care that he had hurt their feelings. And he didn’t do either of those things so he’d stopped apologizing for himself a long time ago.
Skylar knew that. Because despite what he told Cash, Jemma, and the world at large, he did care what someone thought about him, and it was her. He’d let her get too close, get under his skin, and he cared. Worse, he had a feeling she knew it.
“Come on, just say you’re sorry that you were mean to me when I was only trying to be there for you and we can be friends again. It’s easy. Just say it.”
He snorted because no, it wasn’t easy, not for him. Nobody else could have gotten away with pushing him like this. If Cash had asked him to apologize, he’d have told his brother to grow the fuck up. If Jemma had said she expected an apology he’d have given her a charming smile, a little misdirected innuendo and distracted her from the issue. If it had been anyone else, his cousins, his family, a random stranger on the sidewalk, he’d have rolled his eyes, walked away or thrown a punch. But he couldn’t do any of those things with Skylar.
He grit his teeth, “You want an apology?”
