Page 96 of No Apologies
“Because…” He held his arm out as if it were obvious, “Dragging you down with me is my worst nightmare. You’re my light, angel. If I put that out, if I darken you with my shadows… damn it, Decker couldn’t break me but that will.”
Tears sprang to life when she saw the pain of that possibility right there on his handsome face. She tried to blink them back but it was almost impossible when she could practically feel Colt’s pain as her own. Finally. She understood. Finally, his argument made sense. Twisted, painful sense but that was Colt. He saw her as an angel and no matter how many times she told him that she wasn’t, he disagreed.
She wiped at her suddenly damp cheeks, “If I’m you’re angel, then I’m allowed to save you.”
“Not like this.” He shook his head again.
“I won’t apologize for not saving you within the confines of your fantasy.” She softened and shook her head, “Colt, please, think about this. You don’t like how I went about it? Fine. But it’s done. I can’t undo it and I wouldn’t even if it could.”
“I know.”
“Colt?”
“I know. I know I can’t ask you to apologize for something if you don’t think you’re wrong. I wouldn’t.”
She didn’t like the sound of that at all, “What does that mean for us?”
“I don’t know.” He met her gaze and the sadness she saw there scared the hell out of her. “I don’t know. I need some time to figure out how to fix this.”
“Fix it?”
“I’m going to undo it, Skylar.”
Her jaw fell open, “You’re what?”
“I’m going to find a way to undo it. Fix it. I’ll get your money back for you. You’ll be clean again and everything will go back to normal.”
She didn’t understand how he thought that was better. Didn’t understand why he would want to go back to the way things had been. She’d gotten him the only thing he had ever wanted, freedom from his family, and he was throwing it back in her face.
Nessa’s words taunted her and she felt sick to her stomach. Maybe the other woman was right. Maybe he really was addicted to the danger and the pain. Maybe he would always choose it over everything else, even her.
“There’s nothing to fix. I don’t want the money back. I don’t want to go back to how things were.”
Colt wasn’t looking at her. He was looking out the window again. Staring at what, she didn’t know. She didn’t think he was hearing her either and she had no idea how to get through to him.
She’d never seen him like this. In all the time they’d been friends, she’d never seen him lost so deep inside his own head. She wasn’t even sure why he’d come here to talk to her because he wasn’t talking to her. He was talkingather. He’d already decided on a plan of action and it was to undo all of the good she thought she had done.
She could have dealt with Angry Colt. Indifferent Colt even. But this Colt, the man standing on the other side of the room, wasn’t any version of the man she loved that she knew how to deal with.
When he finally turned back to face her she wasn’t even surprised to see the look of determination on his handsome face. It didn’t matter what she said. Wouldn’t matter what she did. He was going to do whatever he wanted.
“I’m going to fix this.” He said again.
“I don’t want you to fix it, Colt.” She studied his face for any sign that he was listening, “I want you to accept that I did what I did because I love you and that I’m okay with it.”
“No.”
“Colt…”
“No. We’ll undo it. Tear up the paperwork. Whatever it takes. You’re going into business with the Bomars over my dead body. I already talked to Lincoln.”
She bit her lip to keep from pointing out that the only Bomar she was in business with was him. That wasn’t what he meant. He was saying that she wasn’t allowed to be a part of his life, not really. He still didn’t want her anywhere near his real life, the dark dangerous part of it that he didn’t know how to leave behind.
And the worst part was that she couldn’t even hold it against him that he refused to take her opinion into account. He hadn’t asked for her help. He didn’t know how. Just like he didn’t know how to let someone else be there for him, to trust that she had done it because she wanted to protect him.
But even knowing that, it hurt that he wouldn’t accept her help.
“You already talked to Lincoln?”
