Page 78 of A Me and Him Thing
Quinn is the sweetest and best person I’ve ever known. No one else would be so forgiving after how I treated her. She lives up to her “Melanie” persona.
“To be honest, not great. I’ve found love, but it can’t be mine. Any chance I could treat you to lunch? I need someone to talk to. I’m kind of desperate.”
“Are you okay?” Her tone suggests concern.
“Not really. But I will be. I could really use a friend right now.” Desperately.
“I can do lunch tomorrow. I’ll make arrangements with the Grandma Gang to watch the girls. Does that work for you?”
Tomorrow’s Friday. The end of the work week. It’s perfect. “I’ll be there.”
We make arrangements for the time and place. Not too far from home since she’s due in a month and would prefer to stay close to her doctor. I don’t mind going to her.
I’d drive for five days straight just to see Quinn.
Chapter Twenty-one
WHEN I ENTERthe restaurant, I see Quinn sitting at a corner booth. She gets to her feet when she notices me heading her way. Oh my. Her baby belly is huge, and she looks radiant.
She’s wearing a long feminine gray sweater with pearls stitched all over it, leggings, and comfy flats. The outfit shows every curve she has, highlighting her baby belly.
We embrace. I hug her for longer than I should, careful of her protruding stomach. It takes everything inside me to let her go. I want to stay in her arms, soak up her comfort. It still feels like such a miracle that she’s even here.
“You look beautiful,” I blurt.
Quinn holds her belly. “Thank you. You’re as gorgeous as ever. To this day, I’ve never seen such stunning red hair combined with blue eyes in my life.”
She’s not jealous of me. At. All. She has no need to be. I’m sure Sawyer has professed his undying love. All day, every day. There’s not an ounce of insecurity inside her.
It doesn’t matter anyway. I love Ren the Unattainable.
We sit down in the booth, quickly choosing and placing our orders. I’m thankful for a corner booth where we can speak freely with a semblance of privacy.
Quinn speaks up immediately. “What’s wrong, Bree? I could hear the stress in your voice yesterday.”
I want to blurt it all out, cry on her shoulder, and let my best friend console me. But I don’t. “Wait. Can I say something first? Maybe you don’t need to hear it, but I need to say it. Please?”
She’s hesitant, perceiving what I mean right away. “It’s water under the bridge. Let it go. I have. It’s freeing to let go of a grudge. Holding it inside is like taking poison and expecting the other person to die. It only hurts you. I didn’t come up with that thought. It’s a quote by Saint Augustine. But it’s very true.”
My wise Quinn. She knows how to speak common sense into my soul. “It’s something I have to say, or I can’t live with myself.”
She doesn’t answer right away, instead she mulls it over for a few football minutes. “Okay, then. Say your piece.” Quinn sips from her water with lemon. Dainty while elegantly huge. I don’t know how she pulls it off.
“The day I visited you for the first time after I left…there were things I wanted to say. You brushed it off, like it wasn’t necessary. I appreciated your willingness to forgive. But I need to say it. Out loud. I’m sorry, Quinn. I’m so, so sorry for my behavior. When I knew I was losing everything, it was as though I went a little crazy. That doesn’t excuse anything. But that’s what happened. I was horrible to you. I just want you to know that I know how truly awful I behaved. I’m sorry, and I’m working toward being a better person. I’m trying. I keep failing, but I’m trying.”
To my surprise, Quinn brushes away a tear. “Thank you for saying that. I guess I did need to hear it. But here’s the thing. We all have things we need to change about ourselves. We all make mistakes. We’re all trying to do better. We’re in this together. I’m proud of you for trying to be a better person, but I don’t want you to change who you are. I love my spunky Bree. You can be better without losing yourself in the process.”
“I like that concept.” Except I like this softer version of myself. I’m not sure I want to go backward. “There’s one more thing I need to say. If I don’t say it, I never will, and it needs to be said.”
“Okay. Go on.” She’s hesitant again, but she’s willing to hear me out.
“Here’s the thing. If I hadn’t been living in your home and taking care of your girls, Sawyer never would’ve sought me out. Not in a thousand years. It was a marriage of desperation. I see that now. I pushed. He gave in. Why? Because he was a broken, lonely man. We weren’t in love with each other. Oh, I thought I was, don’t get me wrong. But now that I’ve experienced real love, I see the difference.”
Quinn takes a deep breath. “The hardest part of the entire situation was that you sacrificed your life to take care of our daughters with so much love. We both wanted to be mad at you. It was a crazy mixed bag of feelings. We felt betrayed by your behavior yet thankful for what you had done for us. I still don’t know how to reconcile the two emotions. It’s impossible. Letting it go was the only way out of a dark pit of despair.” Quinn rubs her belly, a blatant reminder of how much Sawyer loves her. “As for Sawyer, he was in shock at my sudden return. I don’t blame him for struggling with everything that happened. He did the best he could. He still has regrets, though.”
Ouch. Pretty sure I’m his regrets. He spent so much time trying to let me down easy when I knew he was dying to be with Quinn. “Let me say one more thing, then I promise to stop bringing up the past. I can’t emphasize this enough. Sawyer was grieving, and that made him very vulnerable. He wasn’t the strong, confident man you knew. He was broken and weak. Up until the moment you came home, his grief hadn’t faded. I mean, like at all. I could sway him so easily because he literally was functioning on fumes. I’m not proud of this, but I begged him to rename his boat Breezy. He gave in because I wouldn’t leavehim alone about it. We both know that the Sawyer before he lost you wouldn’t have put up with that type of manipulation. He was a ghost of a man. It wasn’t his idea. I knew he didn’t want to do it. He did it only because I asked him to, over and over. To be honest, I think he did it just to make me shut the heck up. Just thought you should know that. I can’t say I’m sorry enough times.”
Quinn nods. I notice she doesn’t seem surprised by my confession. I assume Sawyer has already told her everything. “No worries. It’s all good. Somehow, we’re all back where we belong.”
