As for Ren’s sweet father, he looks angry and frustrated as he attempts to clean up the mess. “Get her a new dinner,” he snaps at Patty.
He looks up at me standing there, staring at the mess. For just a moment, his eyes are dead, cold as ice.
I can’t suppress a shiver. “Is everything okay?” I ask. Dumb question. Obviously, it’s not okay.
“I’ve got this, Bree. You can go.” His tone is stern, almost demanding.
Huh. Does he have a temper? I never got that vibe from him the first day I met him.
Surely not. I just caught him at a bad moment. We all have them.
ON HALLOWEEN, I turn off all my lights and hide upstairs in my bedroom.
I continue visiting Allison, but I make a point to leave before Jack arrives. It’s best to not get too attached to Ren’s family.
Allison is calmest right before the dinner hour. I tried visiting once in the morning before work, and she was in her restless and aggressive mood. I left without even trying to visit. She can be rather terrifying.
When Thanksgiving arrives, I heat up a frozen dinner and spend the day watching Netflix. I may or may not have eaten an entire pumpkin pie.
Christmas is the hardest. I don’t even bother putting up a tree. I stay at work until six p.m. on Christmas Eve. On Christmas Day, I sleep in for as long as possible, then go see two—yes, two—movies at the local movie theater. Turns out, it’s their busiest day of the year. Go figure.
I don’t open any presents. I don’t have any.
I return to work at eight a.m. on the twenty-sixth. It’s like the holidays didn’t even happen.
But they did. As much as I try to deny it, it was the loneliest time of my life.
Without Ren, without Quinn, without my mom. The fact is, I have no one. I’m completely alone in the world.
Of course, Ren has tried to call me several times. I don’t answer, and he doesn’t leave a message.
It’s my own fault. I said I wanted to be friends. I said I didn’t want to date for a year. In reality, I’m the one who went back on my word. I changed the rules on him.
I’m very aware of the mistakes I’ve made once again.
I ring in the New Year with Mandy because she loves me now and has stopped hissing at me if I so much as look at her.
I’m glad to have the holidays behind me.
It’s finally mid-January.
At work, one of the young new-hires comes to my office door. “Hi, I’m Zessica. I’m new here. Want to have lunch together? I don’t really know anyone yet.”
I was engrossed in my work. It takes me a moment to switch gears. I actually look behind me—in my private office—to see if she’s talking to someone else. Nope, it’s all me.
People don’t usually approach me. I’m told I have the “go-away” vibe. Guess that’s why I’m alone in the world.
“Sure, I’d love to, Jessica.” I could use a new friend.
“It’s Zessica.”
“Excuse me?”
“Zessica. With a Z. Not a J.”
“Oh. I’m sorry. I haven’t heard that name before.”
“That’s what my boyfriend says too.”