Page 71 of A Me and Him Thing
It’s not going to happen. It can’t.
Kate and Ethan each give me a hug, unprompted by the adults. They need a mother, and I want to be one.
If only.
Chapter Nineteen
WE SET OFFon our drive home, even though it’s only a little after four in the afternoon. Ren clicks on the heater to take away the chill of the approaching evening. It’s warm and intimate in the small space. Ren and I are finally alone.
“You’ve been very quiet today,” Ren says.
“It was a lot to process.” In truth, I’m utterly stunned.
“I know you have questions. I’ll tell you anything you want to know.”
I’m not sure where to start, so I begin with the one thing that’s hanging over my head. “You’re married.”
“Yes. I won’t leave her, and I won’t divorce her. I can’t. I just can’t.”
“I thought you were divorced, that your wife wasn’t in the picture. Looking back, I realize I assumed it. You never said you were divorced.”
“No.”
“Will she get better?”
He’s quiet for too long before answering. “No. She will never recover or be who she once was. She has irreversible brain damage. She’s lived much longer than expected. Her liver’s failing. That’s why she has a yellowish tint to her skin.”
“Your father said she was in an accident.”
“Yes. Allie was an avid cyclist. She went for a ride every morning before anyone was up. She said it cleared her head, prepared her for the day. She never missed. If something came up and she was forced to miss her ride, she said the whole day felt wrong.”
“You must’ve married young.”
“We did. I was twenty-two, Allie was twenty-one. We’d been married for six years before the accident happened. Ethan was five, and Kate was three. I’d just opened up Exodus, and we’d just bought our dream home. It was a risky venture. I was working night and day to make it a success.”
“Were you happy?” I ask.
“Yeah. We were. Really happy.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Me too. She’s still here, and yet she’s not. And she never will be again. I hate seeing her like that. Allie would’ve preferred death over the state she’s in now. She has no life. She’s under aDNRand anAND.”
“I would feel the same way. No one would want to live like that. DNR isdo not resuscitate, but what’s anAND?”
“Allow natural death.The hospital does nothing to keep her alive. She’s only treated for comfort. The problem is, they can only give her so much sedative. They won’t cause her death by overdosing her. The brain damage is so severe, her responses are wild. Like she’s a frightened animal, scared of predators. Every human is a predator.”
“I feel so sorry for her.”
“It haunts me every single day of my life. I don’t want this for her. If she was thinking clearly and aware, I know she’d hate it with passion. When someone suffers a brain injury like Allie did, there are two issues. First, there’s the initial impact and whatever damage it may have caused. Then there are the complications. In Allie’s case, swelling of the brain was a majorissue. The doctors performed a craniectomy. That means they removed part of the skull to relieve the pressure on the brain. While that probably saved her life, it also left her permanently disabled. Of course, the brain swelling is considered a secondary injury. The initial injury itself caused instant brain damage and the craniectomy was never meant to reverse it. Regardless, they had to remove a fist-sized portion of her brain due to damage from the initial injury. Some people recover and are able to live a limited life. They’re never the same, but they function to a degree. We waited for Allie to come back to us. She never did. The damage was too much. Her body survived, but Allie didn’t. The woman I once knew is gone.”
“How did the accident happen?”
“It was a morning just like any other. She was out riding her bike as usual. She always wore reflective gear and a helmet. She was a stickler when it came to her safety. I never worried about her. The accident took place on a country road, a road that doesn’t see much traffic. She was literally two minutes from home. All I can figure is she was hot and sweaty after her ride and she was nearly home, so she removed her helmet. It wasn’t like her to do something like that, but it’s my best guess as to what happened. An older lady was on her way to work. It was dawn, the sun just coming up. I imagine it was hard to see. The lady said she never saw Allie. There was just a loud noise as she hit something while going full speed. Allie was thrown, and the first thing to hit the pavement was her head.”
An involuntary moan escapes my lips. How horrific.
“She was in the hospital, then the rehabilitation center for a little over six months. There was almost no progress at all during rehab. When we were finally able to take her home, we felt sure being in a familiar place and seeing her children would change everything. We tried for an entire year to care for her on our own. It was the hardest year of my life. My parents moved into help me. My father had retired early, and while he has an excellent pension, it’s still a fixed income. I refuse to take money away from their retirement years. They still pay for things here and there, much more than I would like. Dad insisted my couch was ‘downright uncomfortable’ and bought a new one. They take the kids clothes shopping all the time. Things like that. They don’t ask, they just do it. But in order for me to survive on my own, I rely on the income from Exodus. I had to keep working to make it succeed.”
