Page 66 of A Me and Him Thing
“Does she know who you are?”
“No. She doesn’t recognize us.”
“But we tell her we love her anyway,” Kate says, wiping her tears. “Because she’s our mom, and she loves us.”
I have more questions, but this isn’t the time. The kids are traumatized. It’s time to leave.
Kate and Ethan don’t know me, but I wrap my arms around them anyway and hug these brave children. They hug me willingly, in need of comfort.
My last glimpse of Allison is of her lying on the bed in a fetal position, still moaning and shaking. Patty is preparing a shot, perhaps a sedative, I don’t know.
We’re all subdued as we get back into the car.
“We always go out for ice cream afterward. It’s tradition,” Ren says as he backs out.
A good idea. The kids need to be cheered up after seeing their mother. I can’t imagine how hard this must be on them week after week. I wonder how hard it was on Ren to make the decision to allow them to see her each week. It couldn’t have been easy.
I’m still numb and in shock at the events of the day. It’s a lot to process. I don’t know how to feel or what to think. I had no idea Ren was going through all of this. We were all wrapped up in my issues.
There’s one thing I know for sure. This is the second time in my life that I find myself in love with a man who is already taken.
My feelings are bottled up inside me like I’m a shaken-up soda can. They’re bubbling to the surface. Pretty soon I’ll burst.
It’s inevitable.
Chapter Eighteen
I’M BACK ATRen’s house, sitting in the living room. Jack invited me to watch the football game with him, but I’m really watching Ren cook dinner. Kate is his helper, with a too-big apron tied around her waist. She’s standing on a stool, busy shredding lettuce with a large plastic serrated knife. It’s probably the only knife Ren will let her use. Although I agree with that decision. He seems relaxed now. I have a feeling Ren’s relieved I know the truth.
Yet there are so many things I don’t know, so many things I want to ask.
My eyes wander to the kitchen table. Susan is helping Ethan with homework.
“Pay attention, Ethan,” Jack says like a true Grandpa.
“He is, honey.” Susan pats Ethan’s hand. “He’s doing great.”
“That’s my boy.” Then to me, Jack explains, “Ethan hasADHD. He’s on Adderall, which helps him focus.”
“I see.” It’s such a perfect family scene. I find myself wishing I belonged here, but I don’t. I’m an outsider.
Going out to get ice cream with Ren and his kids made me feel the same way. I watched them interact, feeling like I was having an out-of-body experience, sitting on the outside looking in, all the while wishing we were mother, father, and children.
That’s my life. Always stealing someone else’s family. Why can’t I have my own?
Ren used the time at the ice cream parlor to get the kids to talk about their experience with their mother. It was therapeutic for them, giving them the opportunity to work through their feelings. He reminded them that her brain didn’t work properly anymore, but if it did, she would remember just how much she loved her children. He told them to always remember that.
Slowly, the mood changed from somber to happy. It was a mental workout, but somehow Ren pulled it off. By the end of our ice cream date, the kids were smiling and giggling.
Now Ren’s back to his usual self, having fun with Kate in the kitchen as they make Sunday afternoon dinner. I didn’t offer to help. I’d just make a mess of things anyway. This is his special time with his daughter. I don’t want to interfere.
So I watch, taking it all in and memorizing the feeling of being part of a family unit. I love seeing Ren casual and relaxed, working in the kitchen with deft hands, tasting the sauce he’s making and adding more spices. Strands of hair have fallen onto his forehead, making him look rather dashing. Kate grabs an olive, challenging her father to catch it with his mouth, which eventually results in most of the olives landing on the kitchen floor. But it was fun to watch Ren trying to catch them, his smile wide, his laugh deep and infectious.
I turn my head and notice Jack is watching me watch Ren. I really hate the pity I see in his eyes once again.
I excuse myself to use the restroom. When I’m done, I pause in the hallway, staring at the family photos.
In particular, the family portraits of Ren and his wife. I see the same woman I saw today in the hospital, except in these photos she’s vibrant and alive. Her smile is natural, like she does it a lot, and there’s a light in her eyes that speaks to her happiness. She’s quite beautiful, her long dark hair parted to one side. In every picture, either her arms are wrapped around Ren or Ren’s armsare wrapped around her. If these pictures tell their story, they were happy with each other. Really happy.
