Page 56 of A Me and Him Thing
“He was. He’s retired now.”
“What kind of doctor?”
“A gastroenterologist.”
Enough small talk. I’m ready to dive right into this conversation. I know he has feelings for me. I can feel it in his gaze, in his desire to be with me.
“Do you love me, Ren?”
He doesn’t flinch at my blunt question. “Yes.”
His quick answer takes my breath away. That changes everything. “I’ve fallen for you too. I don’t understand what the problem is.”
He’s so serious, his face a hard mask. This is a side of him I’m unfamiliar with.
His chest rises and falls slowly. “I know. That’s my fault. I haven’t been completely honest with you.”
“Have you been lying to me?”
“A lie of omission, yes.”
My eyes lower to the floor. “You mean there are things you haven’t told me?”
“Yes. Important things. Do you remember the night we first met? The night you told me your story?”
“I remember.” How could I forget?
“Once I heard what you’d been through, I felt like I couldn’t share my story.”
“Why?”
“I knew you wouldn’t want to spend time with me. I knew you were already fragile, and I wasn’t good for you.”
“So you didn’t tell me your story and spent time with me anyway?” My heart squeezes.
“Once you mentioned your plan to not date for a year and that you just wanted to be friends, I thought I was safe. It wasn’t my intention to deceive you or to hurt you. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you. At first, it all seemed harmless. I needed a friend, and so did you. I convinced myself it was okay, that I wasn’t doing anything wrong. It took me a while to realize I was not only lying to you by omission, I was also lying to myself.”
“Why did you keep seeing me?” I want to know, yet I don’t.
“I couldn’t stop. I loved our time together. I was lonely and in need of companionship. I love the way I feel when I’m with you.”
That smooth voice combined with those words is nearly my undoing. “How do you feel when you’re with me?”
“Alive. Like there’s more to life than I’ve given it credit for. I was beginning to wonder if this was it. I thought I’d reached a plateau, and there was nowhere else to go. Except down.” He lowers his head for a moment. “Look, my life is crazy busy, but being busy should never be mistaken for having a fulfilling life. I’m surrounded by people all the time, yet I feel totally alone. My busy schedule means I have no time to connect with anyone. Until you.”
“You connect with me?” That’s the best thing I’ve heard so far.
“I do. But nothing can happen between us.”
That’s the worst thing I’ve heard so far. “May I ask why?” I shift from foot to foot, so he asks me to have a seat on the couch.
He sits on a chair across from me. “I’m really sorry, Bree. I didn’t expect feelings to grow between us so quickly. Imistakenly thought we could just be friends. I know it was wrong of me, and I apologize.” He takes a deep breath. “Look, I don’t expect or deserve forgiveness from you.”
“I still don’t know what you’re talking about. What do I need to forgive you for? It hurts, but it’s not a crime to just want to be friends. You’re being honest, not malicious.” I vowed to keep my cool, and I am. Even though I’m dying inside. I’m learning to control my feelings.
He leans forward, resting his head in his hands. “I’m talking in circles.” He gets up, pacing the room a few times. “There’s a reason we can’t be together, Bree.”
I feel like he’s preparing himself to bare his soul. With each passing second, I feel more and more dread. What is this big, bad secret that’s keeping us apart? How bad can it be?
