Page 52 of A Me and Him Thing
I feel his grasp go limp as he removes his hand from mine.
“I can’t, Bree. I just can’t,” he says quietly.
And there it is. The words that were hanging in the air all this time, finally spoken aloud.
He grabs our dirty dishes and cleans the kitchen until it’s spotless. He’s a master at avoiding the subject.
I watch him the entire time, thinking I should’ve known better. He’s been much too perfect from the get-go. Clearly, he has flashing-siren faults. I just didn’t see them.
When he’s done, he stands before me, his demeanor utterly serious for a change. “Are you really sick today?”
“Heart sick.”
“What does that mean?”
I answer in a roundabout way. “You know, Ren, I’ve had a lot of time to think this week, and that’s a dangerous thing. I’ve realized a lot of things. All this time, I thought you were moving slowly because of what I went through with Sawyer. I thought you were giving me the time I needed to adjust to a new relationship. I thought you were giving me space, giving me room to grow and breathe, to become a new person. Blah, blah, blah.” I stop myself. I’m not going to be sarcastic or lose my cool.
He doesn’t say anything, so I continue.
“The first night we met, you learned everything about me and my life, no holds barred. Our relationship has been all about me. My worries, my faults. My reservations, insecurities, doubts, and fears.”
“I’m glad I could be there for you.”
“And I appreciate what you’ve done for me. I feel whole, ready to approach life and begin again.”
“That’s what friends are for,” he says again, just like last time we were together.
I hate those words.
Well, there you go. It doesn’t get clearer than that. I push forward anyway. This needs to be said.
“The thing is, I’m beginning to feel like our relationship is very one-sided.”
“How so?”
“This has been all about me. I know nothing about you.” I feel so self-absorbed. I’m kicking myself for not being more observant.
He shrugs. “You know me.”
We have spent a lot of time together simply talking. Somehow, he skillfully avoided his life and concentrated on mine. “I don’t. I know nothing about you, Ren. I’ve never beento your home. I’ve never met your children. I’ve never met any of your friends or family. Am I a secret? Do I embarrass you?”
“No, of course not.”
On a roll, I keep going. “I have no idea what you do with your life outside of the restaurant. I know nothing personal about you. You’ve never even told me anything about your children other than they exist.”
He’s quiet for much too long.
“What do you want from me, Bree?”
“More. More than we have right now. I thought that was where we were headed. Am I wrong? Please tell me. I need to know now.”
“I thought…I thought you just wanted to be friends, that you didn’t want to date.”
“Are you saying we’re just friends? No more, no less.”
“No, I’m not.”
“I don’t understand. You’re confusing me. Are you waiting for some kind of sign from me, something that tells you I’m ready for a new relationship? If you are, this is me giving it to you.”
