Page 50 of A Me and Him Thing
Ren tries to call me a few minutes later, but I don’t pick up. He doesn’t try again.
On Friday, I don’t send my text until early evening, knowing he’ll be busy with the dinner rush.
Me:Coming down with something. All weekend plans are canceled.
It’s not a lie. My sickness is a broken heart. It’s the most painful thing I’ve ever felt. I thought I loved Sawyer. Now that I’ve experienced time with Ren, I finally know what real love is all about.
He sends me a text late that night.
Ren:Hope you feel better soon.
I stare at his message for a long time. There’s no heart emojis. No “I miss you so much.” No “When can I see you again?” His message seems almost clinical. The lack of sentiment tells me I’ve made the right decision.
We don’t have the relationship I thought we had. Not at all. Nor were we headed in the direction I assumed. I can’t handle the heartbreak or the wild emotions. Not again.
For these reasons, I’m out. Sigh. I’ve been binge-watching Shark Tank.
On Saturday, I sleep late. Then I pull my hair back into a ponytail, throw on leggings and a t-shirt, and park myself on the couch with a bowl of buttery popcorn. I browse Netflix and choose a new show to binge.
Halfway through the first episode, everything that’s happened hits me. I finally break down and have a good gut-wrenching cry. It’s long overdue. I’ve been holding it in for an entire week. I swear, where love is concerned, I’m cursed. The force of my sobbing makes my shoulders shake and my muscles object. But I let it all out as though I’m releasing pain with each moan.
Mandy’s head pops up from her perch on the loveseat and she stares at me like she knows I’m upset. Her beady cat eyes actually convey concern. She’s probably wondering who will feed her if I die from crying too hard.
“What?” I tell her. “You don’t like me either.”
I curl up into a ball on the couch with my favorite pillow and my favorite fleece blanket. This is my life today. Yay me.
I doze off for a while and when I wake up, I’m on my back. It takes me a minute to realize what has pulled me out of my slumber. There’s a heavy weight on my chest along with a strange rumbling sound making my bones vibrate. I peel open my eyes to find Mandy sitting smack dab on top of my chest, her nose practically touching mine like she’s trying to steal my breath. Her purring is the loudest I’ve ever heard. I’m glad one of us is receiving pleasure from this situation.
This is new.
I don’t move an inch, scared she’ll bolt. When she notices my eyes are open, she meows as if she’s trying to say something. If I’m not mistaken, she’s saying she feels sorry for me. Or she’s hungry, but I’ll stick with the first option.
Slowly I reach up and she allows me to pet her, something she’s never been keen on. She always nips at my fingers like I’m a nuisance to be dealt with.
Today she lets me massage her neck while she continues to purr with ecstasy.
Can she feel my pain? Sense it?
This morning I would’ve said no. I’m just the annoying human invading her space. Now I’m not so sure.
When the doorbell rings, she doesn’t budge. When I move to get up, she falls onto my lap and refuses to move. So I pick her up and cuddle her in my arms. She doesn’t fight me. Instead, she continues her happy purr.
I think my roommate likes me now. Dare I say it, I think she might even love me. Or maybe it’s just a sympathy cuddle. Either way, I’ll take it.
I peek out the peephole and see Ren standing on my doorstep. I seriously consider not answering the door.
I guess I need to face him. Get it over with. It’s the grown-up thing to do. No games.
I throw my door open and tell him, “I’m not feeling well.” And it’s your fault.
“I know. I’ve come to make you homemade chicken noodle soup. Did you know it’s a cure-all?”
“It can’t cure this.” I wish he’d take me into his arms and hold me. Tight. The kind of hug that makes everything better. That’s what I need.Be my tribe.Tell me I’m amazing. Beautiful. Loving and kind. Thoughtful and compassionate.
I need to hear it, to become it.
He’s clean and fresh, as though he just got out of the shower. His hair is still slightly wet, combed back on his head. He’s dressed casually, looking like he just threw on some jeans, then grabbed a button-up, rolled up the sleeves, and left it untucked. Lazy day wear. Very sexy on him.
