Page 48 of A Me and Him Thing
It’s time for me to gather up my heart and get the heck out of here.
THIRTY OR SOminutes later finds us engaged in small talk as we enjoy the scenic drive. I’m keeping it light and avoiding the elephant in the room. Or in this case, car.
I’m unsure if I’m the only one who knows the elephant is there. I suppose I just noticed him. Maybe he’s been there all along. Maybe I’m the only one who didn’t know it.
At any rate, I’m not ready to confront Ren about our relationship, or lack thereof. I need to go home and think things through first. I need to handle this situation rationally. I won’t let myself react in the crazy way I reacted to losing Sawyer. I promised myself I would never let myself lose control like that again.
Ren clears his throat. “Hey, you okay? I know that was hard.”
I think it’s time I set him straight where Sawyer is concerned.
“You know what? It wasn’t hard. I’ve been over Sawyer for some time now. I just needed to test the waters face-to-face, ensure it was really true. I watched Sawyer and Quinn together, and I felt nothing but happiness for them. It was satisfying.”
Ren doesn’t say anything. He simply stares at the road, looking a little tense. Where’s my happy, funny man? The one that makes me laugh all the time? Okay, most of the time. No one is “on” twenty-four seven.
“Ren?”
“That’s good,” he says, his velvet voice in full force.
“Is something wrong?” Because it feels like something is off to me. I can hardly process it.
“No, not at all. Just concentrating on driving.”
Of course. “Can I ask you something?”
He hesitates for a few heartbeats. It’s subtle, but he does. “Sure.”
“Were you upset when you saw me talking to Sawyer?” Was he jealous? I don’t want to make him jealous. Such an ugly emotion.
“No, just worried about you. Your body language told me exactly how you were feeling.”
“What do you mean?”
“You looked disturbed.”
“Sawyer’s willing to forgive me. I know I lost his trust, though. That’s tough to handle. But there’s a reason he feels that way, and it’s my own fault. It is what it is.” I release a relieved breath. “The thing is, one look at Sawyer and Quinn together again, and I knew I was over him. Isn’t that a good thing? It means I’m ready to move on.”
“Yes, of course.”
“I felt like you looked upset after I spoke with Sawyer.”
“Did I?” he asks.
If he looked upset when I was talking to Sawyer, doesn’t it follow that it means he has feelings for me? Else, why would he be upset?
I’m getting a headache just thinking about it.
I clear my mind and try to concentrate on the here and now, enjoy my time with Ren while I have it.
Will I see him again after this? I don’t know. Warning bells are going off in my head in a big way. Something just feels wrong, and I can’t explain why. I want to retreat, protect my vital organs. Hide out. Lick my wounds.
Don’t get hurt.
Ren changes lanes smoothly. “I enjoyed today. It was nice. I see why you love Quinn. She’s a sweetheart. I understand you in ways I didn’t before. Especially after seeing the house, the couple, the children. I see why it was so hard for you. I’m not saying what you did was okay, but I understand your wild emotions. It must’ve been tough.”
“It was a horrible situation for me. For everyone else, it was happy. After I left, that is.” My behavior still weighs heavily on me.
“Hey, you’re doing your best to make amends. That says a lot about you. You get major kudos from me.”
