Page 33 of A Me and Him Thing
She wasn’t upset to see me. She has Sawyer, Josie, and Jordyn—her family. Her home. She’s content. I’m not a threat to her security. Confidence oozes from every pore of her beautiful skin. She knows with certainty that Sawyer loves her and only her.
Visiting with her and seeing Josie and Jordyn was tougher than I thought it would be—and easier than I thought it would be.
We had a nice talk. Emotional. But it was good, really good.
It was the right thing to do. I’m glad Ren encouraged me to do it without pushing too hard. It needed to be my decision.
I’ve been seeing Ren for one glorious month. Our first week together set the tone for our relationship. He takes me to lunch on Wednesdays. On Thursdays I join him for taste testing. On Fridays I dine at Exodus and allow my eyes to soak him in. I love watching him, as creepy as that sounds. I love when he glances my way and winks at me. I love when he stops at my table and pretends we don’t know each other, bombarding me with sillyjokes. I now have a table on permanent reserve on Friday nights, even though it’s one of his busiest days. When he’s done for the evening, it has become our habit to eat pancakes together in the middle of the night. We run together on Saturdays in the early afternoon—after which he attempts to teach me to cook. Which is still a lost cause. Then he has to rush off to Exodus.
We are creatures of habit. But he’s a habit I don’t want to break. Besides, it’s the only time he has to give me. His life is very regimented.
I exaggerated the truth while talking to Quinn. I made it sound as though Ren and I were about to marry and adopt next week. I guess I wanted to give the impression I was over Sawyer. I doubt I succeeded.
Several things are weighing on my mind, though, and I need to work through them. I’m a list-maker; I always have been. My business mind needs to plan everything out. I pull the small leather notebook from my purse and continue to stare at the ocean, letting it calm my whirling thoughts.
I can’t change my mistakes. But I can change my mindset. As I think, I jot everything down.
I writeTHE TRUTHat the top of the page and vow to be completely honest with myself.
When I think of Quinn:
Seeing her was hard.
I am okay.
I think Quinn has forgiven me a little bit.
Their home brings back all my emotions, good and bad.
Sawyer and Quinn are having another baby.
I felt jealous, yet happy for them.
I miss Quinn.
I need Quinn.
I wish I could call Quinn. Everyday.
Our friendship will never be the same.
I miss Josie and Jordyn.
I want a family.
I want my own life, not someone else’s.
When I think of Sawyer:
Sawyer has not ruined me for new relationships.
I realized I’m not on the rebound. Not anymore. I’m all about Ren.
Sawyer and I were convenient. Not much more. Ouch.
I am ready to move on.
I doubt he will ever forgive me.
