Page 95 of A Me and You Thing
It means something. I just don’t know what.
I survived the bus accident andTíaandTío.I can survive this. Time to dig deep.
IT’S ONLY THIRTY minutes later that I’m downstairs, dressed in jeans and a blouse. Claire nailed my sizes and the new clothes fit perfectly. Regardless, I’m looking forward to increasing my wardrobe choices today.
Sawyer is at the stove, cooking his amazing pancakes. The girls are at the table, having more syrup than pancake. I swear, something inside of me springs to life at the sight of them.
But, I’m distracted. Bree is standing next to Sawyer, her hand resting on his shoulder with familiarity. Their backs are to me and they appear to be deep in conversation.
Bree is not trying to speak quietly. “Look, I get it, okay? Let’s just see how it goes. When it comes down to it, you don’t really know what’s going to happen, do you?”
“Yes, Bree, I do. Let’s not make this harder than it has to be.”
“She could be damaged for life. You do realize that, right?”
“I’m well aware, but...”
I can’t do this. I just can’t. I know Sawyer loves me, that he’s choosing me, but I feel so apprehensive. I turn to my girls and make my presence known. “Hi, Josie. Hi, Jordyn.” That puts a halt to the conversation at the stovetop. Sawyer turns, his eyes seeking out mine, probably wondering what I just heard. I hate that I feel so unsure about him when he’s reassured me repeatedly. I wish I knew exactly what was going through his mind. He’s not telling me everything like he used to.
I sit down at the table with my daughters, and I’m greeted with huge smiles that heal my aching heart.
“Are your pancakes good?”
“Yummy!” Josie says.
“So yummy. My favo-it,” Jordyn tells me.
“Daddy is the best pancake maker ever,” I say, laughing at their enthusiasm. I need some of Sawyer’s pancakes. They have secret healing powers that I’m in need of right about now.
“Hey, Mommy. How about a plate of pancakes?” Sawyer says from the stove. I love that he called me Mommy. I long for the title to be mine again.
“I would love some, Daddy. Thank you.” Just a few moments later, he sets a huge stack in front of me. I’m pretty sure I can’t eat it all, but I’m going to try.
“Pancakes for Mommy,” he says to the girls.
“Mommy,” Josie says quietly, looking at me with curious eyes.
“Yes, Josie, this is your Mommy,” Sawyer tells her. He’s pushing it, and I love him for it.
“My Mommy too?” Jordyn asks.
“Yes, Jordyn, I’m your Mommy too.”
They both smile and giggle. Then Jordyn says, “Lello hair.”
“Yes, we both have yellow hair.” Therefore, Imustbe their mother. That’s the reasoning of a two-and-a-half year old for you. Good deductive skills, though. I know there must be something inside of them that recognizes me. I spent eight months with them. Plus nine months carrying them inside of me. They don’t remember it, but their hearts do. I hold up a strand of my hair. They do the same, getting sticky syrup in their glossy locks.
“Great, now they need another bath,” Bree mumbles behind me.
I don’t acknowledge her. Other than a few hugs, she hasn’t really spoken to me. I can’t figure out if she’s friend or foe. Maybe best friend turned best foe.
She sits down at the table, a yogurt and a banana in front of her. No pancakes.
“I’ll bathe them. I don’t mind,” I say quietly.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea. What if you faint while they’re in the water?”
Foe. She’s a foe. I wasn’t expecting that.
