Page 117 of A Me and You Thing
And I am alive—and thankful for it.
With that thought, I rest my head on the chair, and fall into a deep sleep.
I awaken abruptly, unsure why. Silence surrounds me. The cabin is dark, only lit by the glowing fire. It takes me a few minutes to remember where I am.
The cabin.
The cozy atmosphere, the warm fireplace, all make me yearn for Sawyer. This was our place for romantic interludes, the place that added spice to our marriage.
Maybe this wasn’t the best place to go to hide out for a few days and pull myself together. The memories are haunting me, torturing me.
I shuffle to the kitchen and make myself a cup of herb tea. I sit down at the oak table and warm my hands around the hot mug. The tears are going to come, I know they are. Maybe that’s why I came up here. For a cry fest. A three-day bender of blubbering. If I let it happen, maybe I can expunge Sawyer Denali from my soul.
No, not possible. He’ll always be a part of me.
A loud banging shocks the stillness of the night, making me jump. Then I hear a key rattling the lock and the door flies open, hitting the wall behind it.
Sawyer stands there looking like a distraught crazy man, his eyes narrowed on me. His hair looks as though he’s been running his hands through it repeatedly. One tail of his button-down shirt is tucked in and the other isn’t.
And he brought his Fletcher Christian gaze with him.
At the sight of me, he runs one hand over his face and lets out his breath as though he’s relieved.
Slowly, I stand, and we face each other from across the room.
“Jordyn?” Maybe with how things stand between us that shouldn’t be my first thought. But it is. I’m a mother and I can’t turn it off.
“They put a splint on her arm. It’s a clean break. They’ll cast it after the swelling goes down. She’s fine—sleeping peacefully from the pain medicine they gave her.”
“Okay.” Mom guilt makes me feel like a mom again, and I embrace it.
Silence descends upon us as his brooding eyes don’t leave mine. He’s clearly upset... very upset. I feel uncomfortable, a little like I want to squirm under his heated gaze.
“How could you leave me?” he says, his voice rough and louder than usual. He doesn’t sound mad, he sounds stunned, as though he can hardly believe this is happening. “Do you have any idea how much it means to me to have you home? In our room? In our bed? Do you? I want to keep you there and never let you leave the house. I don’t want anything to happen to you, to harm you or hurt you. I don’t apologize for it either. I can’t stand the idea of losing you again. I barely survived it the first time. If it happens a second time, I’ll lay down and die. Of nothing. Cause of death will beloss of Quinn.”
I stand there astonished, not knowing what to say. His emotions are bubbling to the surface, begging for release. His normally quiet voice is raging and filled with sentiment.
“Don’t you know what you mean to me? You are my life... everything. Haven’t I said it enough? Didn’t I make that clear?”
I shake my head in the negative, not even trying to hide my tears. “Your heart is divided.”
“No,” he says, his voice fervent and raspy. “My heart is in hell! I’m living in hell! The past few days have been the happiestandthe most miserable days of my life. Do you know why? Do you?!”
The intensity of his words takes me back. He’s on fire, filled with fierce indignation. “Why?”
“Because my wife ishoooome! My wife isaliiiive! The woman I love with every single part of me, the woman who is everything to me, the woman I ache for, the woman I long for. All I want to do is hold her every second of the day—and make love to her like I’ve never made love in my entire life—and instead I have to spend all of my time consoling the woman who’s stood at my side faithfully for the last two years—taking care of our daughters—while I break her heart into a million pieces because I don’t love her the way I love you, and I never will. It’s not gonna happen. And I’m so torn up inside, I can’t concentrate on a damn thing because I just want you! Bree has been crying in my arms and telling me she loves me, and all the while I’m dying, no aching, to make love to my wife who is in the other room waiting for me, looking like she’s about to break down and cry every time I glance at her, and I can’t take it anymore! All day it has felt like the world is conspiring to keep us apart, and it’s making me crazy. Then I find out you up and left. You left! How could you do that?” He takes a step toward me, and instinctively, I take a step back. “After everything we’ve been through and now we’re finally together, how could you leave me? How could you?”
I release a shaky breath, hearing every little hitch as it wheezes through my throat.
“I thought... I thought...”
“You thought wrong. About everything. I don’t want Bree. It’s me and you, it’s always been me and you. And I didn’t leave Josie with you today because I didn’t want you to overdo it and do too much. I need you to be well, to be my Quinn. I’m sorry if I gave you the wrong impression. You’re a good mother, and I love you.I love you!I’m sorry I didn’t say it enough. I thought you knew I loved you. I thought you knew there was no choice to be made. That it was you, only you. Done deal. But I’m telling you now, just so we’re clear and there’s no mistaking what I want or what my intentions are. I want you, Quinn Denali. I’ve always wanted you since the moment my eyes fell on you. I knew I wanted you right then and nothing has changed for me even when I thought I’d lost you in the most permanent, over and done way you can lose another person. I have a second chance with the woman I love more than I ever knew I had the capacity to love another person, and it’s killing me—killing me—to be apart from you. I can’t live like this. I don’t care about right and wrong anymore, I want my wife, and I’m not letting anything stand between us again. Do you hear what I’m saying?” He finally stops, breathing hard and fast, his eyes wide as though he can’t believe he just said all of those things out loud.
I release the breath I’ve been holding all this time without realizing it. I’m utterly speechless at his words. I think I just heard a Sawyer Speech—and I loved it. Tears trickle down my cheeks, but they’re happy tears, because I have Sawyer. I never lost him in the first place. I just didn’t know it. I’ll never doubt him again.
How do I respond? Am I Melanie? Do I apologize and beg for his forgiveness?
No. For once, I’m going to be Scarlett. “Stop yelling at me and do something about it.”
