“Sorry.” I clear my throat. I don’t look at my classmates. I know that they’re getting a kick out of me standing up here, perspiring, flushed, and appearing to be on the verge of failure.
“My mom once said to me that no matter what anyone says, I’ve been on my own since the day I drew my first breath. She said that she and my dad are my guides, but who I am, who I choose to become from now until forever, is actually up to me.”
Finally, I find the courage to look at my classmates. Their expressions are less churlish than before, and that’s a relief.
“High school is in many ways like our parents. Our teachers, our classwork, waking up each morning, the regimen of the day-to-day, makes us ready for the next step. The process itself is our guide. But as of today, at the end of this ceremony, high school will be effectively over. What happens next is up to each of us. Who do you want to become? Where in this great big world do you want to go? It’s up to you. It’s up to me.”
I pause and find my mom. I can hardly believe those words came out of my mouth so clearly and concisely. Heartly’s smile warms me like a hearth brewing on a cold winter’s night.
“My mom also taught me to trust my instincts. Sure, I was only five when she first gave me that lesson, but…” I smile at her, and laughter echoes through the auditorium.
I look at my mom again, afraid I crossed a line with that last joke. I don’t want people laughing at her. But her genuine smile grows wider.
“And my dad…” Oddly, tears rush to my eyes as I take in his small but earnest smile. “No one has faith in me like he does. And…”
I close my eyes to stop the waterworks while figuring out what my point is.Damn, I wish I’d had time to prepare.I feel as if I'm out at sea in a canoe without a paddle.
“I guess what I'm trying to say is that our teachers have been very much like our parents. Twelve years of our primary education, and they have given us lessons that have piqued our interests, lessons that have made us discover our gifts. And according to who we are as individuals, our hearts picked our favorites, whether it's Mr. Dino in orchestra or Miss Kris in drama. Here at Dorsett, my guides were Mrs. Fontaine in economics and Mr. Ekblad in computer science. But there was also Mrs. Pennyworth from third grade, who showed us how to make batteries, and Mr. Chastain from eighth grade, who taught us government with gusto.
“But at the end of today, they will become part of our past, and we will be on the precipice of adulthood. And instead of asking ourselves if we’ll pass tomorrow’s quiz or where we’ll sit in the dining hall, we’ll wonder who we’ll become in five, ten, or even twenty years. There are 493 of us graduating today. That means there are 493 possibilities. And so today, we say goodbye to our high school teachers and guides and cling to the lives we make for ourselves!”
My fist soars into the air as a hypnotic feeling of pure freedom courses through me. “Congratulations, graduates. We did it!”
To my surprise, the auditorium explodes with applause, and even my classmates are on their feet, clapping. Pressing my palm against my breastbone, I take in their adulation. So this is what it feels like—pure acceptance from those who rejected me before today.
* * *
The restof graduation day made me feel like I was riding a unicorn across the New York City skyline. All the graduates met our parents in the quad. So many of my classmates came up to me and thanked me for my speech. I hugged people who had never said one word to me and signed their yearbooks. I never bought one because Dorset never felt like my school, and truth be told, it still doesn’t.
“Good job,” Greenly said, hugging me like we’d been good friends all year long.
I hadn’t asked anyone yet, but if I wanted a true answer, then she was the person to pose my question to. “So, what happened to Hercules?”
Greenly eyes enlarged. “Oh, you haven’t heard?”
A knot formed in my chest as I shook my head, thinking Max better not have gotten Hercules arrested or anything.
“Everybody’s been talking about it. His father is in the hospital. I think it’s a heart attack. We don’t know for sure because the Valentines are so hush-hush. But it’s bad.”
Knowing that nothing bad happened to Hercules was a relief, although I felt sorry for his father. “Oh no. I’m sorry to hear it,” I said.
Greenly’s eyes grew wide again as she gripped my wrists, touching me with an ease reserved for people who were real friends. She told me about how last night’s party was shut down by the police. She heard it was because of the noise, but she thought that was a lie. The real reason was because Darby and his friends were drugging girls and taking them downstairs. They got caught.
“I thought they violated you,” she said, her eyes still bugged. “But then I was told Hercules walked you home. I’m surprised you don’t know about his dad. Are you guys together or something?”
It was then I realized why she was talking to me. Or maybe she was just the kind of girl who didn’t know how to be a good friend and couldn’t be trusted. Regardless, I said Hercules and I weren’t together and wished her good luck before walking away. I knew I’d never see her again—thank goodness. I didn’t think I’d ever see Hercules again, either, and that was okay too.
When my family and I walked into Nobu for my post-ceremony dinner, I felt in my soul that high school was over, and so was my crush on Hercules Valentine. And I was okay with that. God had given us last night. He saved me, and then my brother made sure others were saved.
The waiter showed us to the private glass room upstairs. I thought it was a bit much for just four of us, but to my surprise, when we walked in the immaculately decorated room, I saw more family members. They tossed confetti in the air and shouted, “Congratulations, Paisley Grove!”
Grandma Leslie, my father’s mother, was there, as well as Treasure, her brother and my cousin, Lynx, his girlfriend, Natalia, and their parents, Leo and Londyn. We hugged, kissed, and ate, and of course, a gathering wouldn’t be a gathering if the Groves didn’t dance.
Now that I’m in bed, grinning at the ceiling, I conclude that my day has been a blast. It was probably the best day I’ve had since moving to the city. Treasure has even convinced me to go on a trip with her this summer to the Greek Isles. She said there are people she wants me to meet, and they will be her graduation gift to me.
“I’m not losing my virginity to some random guy, if that’s your plan,” I said.
“Oh, yes, you will—most of us do—but that’s not the plan.”
