Page 4 of Seduction
Penina Ross
My apartment was cute. It had red brick walls, light hardwood floors, and an island in the kitchen with a wood block top, which would’ve been great for cooking if I’d had the time for it. My office was a little alcove that was adjoined to my living room. It had a view of the building right behind mine and the small courtyard between us. It also had a modern bathroom with no tub, only a shower, and my bedroom had the same view the alcove had. The common area never got loud since most of us worked at the hospital and knew how precious silence was. The problem was that I rarely had time to enjoy living in my cute little abode.
The first things I did when I walked inside was take my clothes off, shove them into the laundry basket, and get into the shower.
As the warm water trickled down my face, I squeezed the sides of my head, trying to expunge memories of my ex, his new girlfriend, and the stranger from my head.What’s happening to me?I suddenly felt as if my life was about to change in ways I never imagined.Maybe Court and Rich’s relationship would work, and their success would reveal that I was the one who pushed him into cheating. I was too cold, not available and when the rubber met the road, not truly in love with him.
I turned off the water, determined to keep it together and not fall apart. The shower had given me enough energy to make a quick cup of chamomile, echinacea, and ginger root tea with lemon and honey and drink it while checking my email to see if my fellowship had been approved.
As I waited for my screen to go through its motions, I thought about how bleak my life was. I lived in gray. Courtney and Rich, well, they lived in red, vibrant blue, and hot pink. That was why Rich cheated on me. He used to say it all the time. “Pen, you’re sexy as hell but boring as fuck.” Then he would laugh as if he were joking. I would laugh, too, because I felt boring, even though I knew I wasn’t. Work, work, work… that was all I did. I loved my job, but still, I felt trapped in a universe where it was the only thing I had going on.
When my computer booted, I went straight to my email. I’d applied for a fellowship in Boston to be closer to my aunt Christine, who lived in Cambridge, Massachusetts, and was a licensed marriage and family therapist. She wasn’t the type of person who hosted family get-togethers. As a matter of fact, I’d never been to her house. When I was in medical school in Boston, we’d met for coffee or lunch occasionally, but though I wasn’t that far away from her, we only met up a handful of times. The last time I’d seen her, she kept repeating how much I looked like my mom. Whenever she said it, the skin between her eyes would pucker, which made me nervous.
“If you’re worried that I’m going to drop off the face of the earth like her, don’t. I’m entering my residency, so…” I said, picking at my muffin on my plate.
Though I’d thought what I said would make her stop frowning, she intensified it after asking me more questions. I couldn’t remember what she had asked me exactly. Perhaps it was a question about my dorm life or subjects I found more interesting. I felt as if we used to struggle to keep a conversation going. Then after one hour on the dot, Christine announced that she had to leave for one reason or another, and that would be the end of our visit.
Those sit-downs with her felt as though they had happened many moons ago, but she and I had been in touch since. Each month, she put ten thousand dollars into my account. She said it was an inheritance from my grandparents.
“An inheritance?” I asked. “I thought they came from nothing.”
“No. They didn’t,” Christine said in her usual cool tone.
“But why now, when they’ve been dead since before I was born?”
“Well, that’s how it goes sometimes. These things can take forever to get resolved,” she said.
I hadn’t needed to touch a dime of the money. I kept it in a high-interest-yielding savings account. One day, I would use the cash to buy a house. As long as my life was the way it was, I didn’t need much money. Sleep was worth more than all the money in the world.
I yawned as I scanned my new emails from top to bottom—no message from Boston Medical Center. I could finally relax until I checked again the next day.
Suddenly, it was as if exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks. I yawned yet again and dragged myself to my bedroom, crawled into bed, and went straight to sleep.
* * *
My alarm blared,fusing with my dream of the sexy stranger. We had just kissed, and he told me that Rich was his teammate. I was heartbroken about that since I didn’t want anything to do with Rich or his team and tried to yell at him to stay away from me, but my mouth couldn’t work.
Finally, my eyes opened, and it no longer mattered that I couldn’t speak in my dream. It was over, and I had no time to explore its meaning. The rat race called my life had officially resumed.
* * *
After rakingmy toothbrush across my teeth as fast as I could and dousing my face with cold water, I took a moment to study my reflection in the mirror. My skin was pallid, and darkness had settled beneath my light-brown eyes. I’d looked like that for a long time, and it wouldn’t get any better for a while. Soon my residency would be over, but being a fellow or an attending was just as draining.
I turned off the faucet. It was not the time to get bogged down by thinking about my future. Plus, doom and gloom might not have been in the forecast. My next shift loomed. So I rushed into the kitchen and grabbed the Ziploc bags I’d already prepped with my favorite snacks like beet chips, raw almonds, and apple slices covered with peanut butter and stuffed them into my oversized tote bag, which already contained a toothbrush, toothpaste, mouthwash, face cleanser, a face towel, two changes of underwear, two pairs of socks, and a host of other knickknacks I’d forgotten about.
Two minutes left. I gulped down a glass of orange juice, set the glass in the sink, grabbed my bag, and rushed out the front door, barely remembering to lock it.
“Morning, Kit Kat,” someone with a familiar voice called.
I stopped at the elevator and turned to see Zara Agate, one of my team members, power walking in my direction as she put on her jacket.Shit, I forgot my jacket.Then I remembered I had an extra one stored in my locker and relaxed. Even though it was hot outside, it was often freezing cold in the hospital.
“Morning, Reese’s Pieces,” I said as I jabbed the elevator button.
When we’d begun our neurosurgery residency together, we spent most of our shift hungry and scarfing down packaged and chemical-laden junk food. We started calling each other by the names of our favorite snacks to make not eating any of it easier. Seven years later, we no longer craved the junk. It probably had nothing to do with the nicknames. We’d both learned that if we wanted to pull off a thirty-hour shift, which entailed at least three surgeries, then we’d better be powered by more nutritious food.
She stopped beside me and rubbed her eyes. “Another day, another shitty day.”
I cracked an empathetic smile.
