Page 1 of Desire
Chapter One
My legs went weak, but I managed to remain standing. I couldn’t remember if I’d already asked Jasper Christmas what he was doing there. I wanted to yell at him until my lungs ached and ask why he let me go. Why didn’t he chase me and halt my escape? I wanted to ask himif I was trash to him, someone he could discard, an invisible soul. Maybe I was to him what I was to my father—a ghost who his gaze passed through unless he needed me for something. I opened my mouth as I searched for the courage to ask at least one of those questions, but he pressed a finger over his lips and slipped into my office before gently closing the door and locking it. There was no needto signal me to be quiet. No sound could rise past my constricted throat anyway.
“How are you?” he whispered.
I was still lost for words, but I swallowed hard, and that helped me find them. For the past two weeks, I had been so angry at him that I’d maintained a constant headache during my waking hours. I had spent days crying on my pillow. Then that morning, I’d suddenly had nomore tears to give Jasper Christmas. Rising from the ashes of my despair, I’d gotten out of bed, dressed, and dragged myself to the office. On the drive over, I had convinced myself to never think of Jasper again. I never again wanted to kiss him, touch him, or gaze into his striking blue-green eyes. I wanted him to disappear from the face of my universe. I wanted to wipe the memory of him from myexperience. But now… even while the darkness under his eyes and his placid skin made him appear unhealthy, my heart pitter-pattered at the sight of him and because of his nearness.
“What are you doing here?” I strained to say.
He took a small step in my direction, and I shot both hands up, motioning him to keep away. Jasper stopped in his tracks. His beautiful and tired eyes wereglossed over with what appeared to be confusion and a touch of sadness.
“You don’t look well,” he said.
I sniffed bitterly. That was the pot calling the kettle black. “You never told me what you’re doing here,” I hissed, allowing anger to be my superpower against the handsome yet heart-destroying angel.
His frown intensified. “I hurt you.”
I was not going to confirmthe truth. Not while standing there defenseless and still in need of him.
“I’m sorry,” he said.
I shook my head defiantly. I could not let Jasper Christmas trap me again. His sister had tried to warn me about him. I’d believed her but hadn’t listened. I had thought my heart was made of steel, but alas, it was flesh and blood, so easily smashed and ripped to shreds.
“I don’tsee how we could have anything else to say to each other,” I said, hoping that sounded convincing.
He studied me as though he were reading my resolve. The longer his gaze lingered on my face, the more uncomfortable I became. The silence and the heaviness of my discomfort continued. I folded my arms, hugging myself.
“You’ve heard about Bryn?” he finally asked.
I was happy oneof us had finally said something.
“Yes,” I said past the frog in my throat. “Do you have any ideas where she may be?”
Jasper’s eyebrows furrowed then released. “Did I do that to you?”
I jerked my head back slightly. “Do what to me?”
He kept looking at me as though he could see past flesh and bone and into my soul. His scrutiny made me feel so uncomfortable that I wantedto hide under my desk to make him stop. But then that desire passed, and suddenly I was able to really get a good look at him. The features of his face showed his stress, and so did his body. His shoulders were hunched as though he were carrying some heavy, invisible weight. However, I could smell his freshly laundered clothes, his sweet and tangy citrus-scented cologne, and the natural fragranceof his skin. The aroma had already saturated my office, and it made me want to throw my arms around him and comfort him despite what he had done to me. I was someone who prided herself on having strict control of her emotions. The variations of how I was feeling inside troubled me.
“When was the last time you slept?” I asked.
He shook his head, holding his pinched expression. “Idon’t know. But I had to see you. I had to know if…”
One beat passed then two. He was not going to tell me what he had to know. However, I had an idea of what that might’ve been. Over the past two weeks, I’d also continuously asked myself if what had occurred between us during those four days at the Christmas mansion was greater and more lasting than what either of us was ready for. Perhapshe had the same question, or maybe not.
As usual, we let what should’ve been said go unsaid.
The stillness of the moment was getting to me. “So how’s married life?” I asked, squeezing my forearms as I held myself tighter. Shockwaves raced through me as I waited for his reply.
“I’m not married,” he muttered.
The knot at the back of my throat expanded, and I closed mymouth and swallowed to get rid of it. “But…” I wanted to ask what had happened after I packed my things and left his house like a tornado racing across the prairie. “What about Arthur Valentine?”
Jasper’s sexy lips tightened then released as he looked away. “What about him?”
“He was insistent on you marrying”—I didn’t know her name—“his daughter.” I was a journalist, and Arthur Valentinewas a very infamous man. I should’ve known her name.
“I know what Arthur wants, and I know what I want.”
