Page 19 of If the Suit Fits
“Just admit the kiss felt good,” she presses. “Admit you liked it. It’s alright: I won’t tell anyone.”
“I liked it.” I settle back in my chair and lift my feet to the cushion. “I liked it a lot because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex, and literally my whole life that I’ve gone without feeling desired the way he does it. His is an act, and even knowing I’m paying him at the end of the weekend, there’s a part of my soul trying to convince the rest of me that I’m worthy ofactualaffection.”
“You are.” Finally, she drops her smile and wanders closer. “Just because your parents and Drew mishandled you, doesn’tmean you’re not worthy. It just meanstheydon’t deserve you. You seem to think hyper-independence and perpetual aloneness mean control, and control means no one can hurt your feelings. But all you’veactuallyachieved is hyper-independence and perpetual aloneness, and while you’re busy doing that, you’ve forgotten that you’re worthy of big, grand, sweeping love.”
“I’vehireda man to be my date, Anna.” I curl into the chair and hug my legs to my chest. “It’s clear that for me to receive this kind of treatment, I have to pay for it.”
“Or!” She moves onto the bottom step and scowls. “You should open your damn eyes and heart and embrace the things being offered to you. That doesn’t mean you accept whatever scraps a man is willing to toss your way. No chance. But it means putting yourself in situations where youcouldmeet someone. Working sixteen-hour days, obsessing over deadlines, and spending all your downtime in your bedroomaloneis hardly conducive to meeting someone special. And if you do, that means he was probably a home intruder who came with ulterior motives.”
I rock on my chair and stare up at my rotting porch roof since looking into my friend’s eyes while she tosses uncomfortable truths in my lap is… uncomfortable.
“You’re accustomed to how Drew and all those other jerkwads treat you, so you think that’s actually how it’s supposed to be. And since you don’t like how that feels, you choose isolation instead. Those are two extreme examples of human interaction, Mel, and you’ve forgotten life can exist in the middle. There are good, decent human beings out there who treat others nicely. But you’re wearing blinders and refuse to see them.”
“I don’t have time to date and cull through the trash.”Swallowing, I bring my eyes down again and find my best friend back on the top step. “I’m already busy, Anna. Already clinging to my career by the tips of my fingernails. I’m open to finding the real love you swear exists, but to find it means to date. It means to invest time I don’t have into weeding through the muck. There are probably diamonds out there,” I admit. “I’m certain there is. But I don’t have the time or energy for the rough. So I’ll stick to this current agreement I have with Nick, and when the weekend is over, I’ll have saved face and regained a shred of the dignity I left at the wedding I never had. And a bit like Earl, once I find paid help I like, I’ll continue to come back. Next time I need a date, I’ll check Nick’s schedule and won’t have to go through the getting-to-know-you stuff all over again.”
“You want to find the love of your life,” she grumbles, “but you’re unwilling to do any of the work.”
“Yeah. I’m a monster, I know. But if I ever have a home intruder…”
“Mel?” Nick’s voice echoes through the house, startling me straight and sending Anna’s eyes impossibly wide. She slams her hands to her mouth while I set my feet on the porch floor and turn to watch the door.
“Princess? Where are you?”
“Out back.” I swallow the building lump clogging my throat and stealing my ability to breathe, then I shove to my feet, only to sit again.Stand? Sit? Why does it matter? Which looks more nonchalant? Godddddd, why do I care?I paste on a sweet smile and glance over my shoulder, all casual and whatnot, and look him up and down when all six-feet, two inches of muscled deliciousness steps through the door, and his eyes are for me.
Only me.
Completely and totallyon characterfor this role he’s playing.
“Hey.”I’m as cool as a cucumber.Chillin’ like a villain.“You’re back. That didn’t take as long as I expected.”
“Yeah.” He leans against the doorframe and casts a look Anna’s way, lifting his chin in greeting, though his dark stare swings back to me in under a second. “They weren’t really my crowd, so once the measurements were done and the gentlemen were retiring to the cigar room for whiskey and gossip, I dipped out.”
“Are you serious?” My stomach rolls with disgust. Anger. Nerves. “Cigars and whiskey? And they didn’t insist you join them?”
“Shoe shopping, actually,” he snickers. “But I already have shoes. They extended the obligatory invitation since that’s what fake ass bitches do,but they for sure breathed easier when I declined. I told them I had work, which, in their eyes, was an appropriate excuse to leave.”
“Was Drew nervous?” Anna giggles when she says his name, her chest bouncing when Nick peeks her way. “Did he pee his pants when you met?”
“Looked like he needed to pee,” he plays along. “Tried the old hand-squeeze thing to establish dominance.”
“Oh God.” I drop my head into my hands and groan. “Of course he did.”
“But he settled down when I didn’t snap his wrist for it.” Nick wanders my way and brushes the tips of his fingers over the back of my neck. “Met your dad. Though I gotta say… I feel blindsided, Princess. You could’ve told me he knew the eleven secret herbs and spices.”
“Right?!” Anna explodes. “You see it too? I’ve been saying thatsince we were kids! He looks like Colonel Sanders’ long-lost twin brother but with brown hair instead of white.”
“Cheer up, babe.” Squeezing the column of my neck, his touch sends bolts of electricity through my veins and down to tickle my toes. But then he pulls me back, prying my face from my hands and forcing me to meet his eyes. “It went well. I met the circus, taunted the monkeys, and left again without catching fleas. Now they know what they’re getting on Saturday, and they’re insanely jealous of how adored you are.”
“What?” I pull out of his grasp, but only to twist in my chair and stare up at him. “Jealous?”
“Oh, yeah.” He lowers into a crouch and rests his arms on the side of my chair. “I bigged us up so much, they’re expecting a wedding date soon.”
Oh, good. Great!
He’s so good at his job, I now have to hire a husband or admit our relationship didn’t work out. Awesome.
“I told them how in love with you I am. How I worship the way your nose wrinkles when you’re cranky. And how you have a single deep line between your brows when you’re angry.” Grinning, he reaches across to smooth the offending line. “I talked about how we met—at The Coffee Bean, but I said it was a chance encounter and a coffee date that never ended—and how we’re already staying over at each other’s places a lot. So much so that I’m thinking of asking to move in together officially over the summer.” He licks his plump bottom lip and searches my eyes. “I said how you and my mom get along so well and how my sisters love you. I mentioned wedding ring shopping but told them it was a secret, so they’re not allowed to tell you I said so.”
