Page 17 of Ocean's Lost Octopus
“She did have questions,” he admitted. “Tried to get me to give her some guidance, but all I wanted to do was get it furnished and get in here where I could hunker down and feel sorry for myself.”
Well that confirmed my impressions. “But you did the playroom yourself.” It wasn’t a question. Nobody else could have made it so perfect for him. The only person besides a little themself who could set up their nursery or playroom would be their daddy or mommy. “Thank you for inviting me here today.”
We’d put this off for so long, what might have been more spontaneous had we just scened at the club felt a little awkward. It mattered more now. Not just let’s meet someone at a club and have fun for a couple of hours, maybe read a book or build with blocks. No, in this case, we were already close, already cared for one another deeply. We’d talked through what it meant to be a daddy, to be a little, and on paper, we were meant to be. But until we actually spent some time together as daddy and little, how would we know if we were right or wrong for one another as daddy and little?
“I thought it was time.”
It was eight a.m., and we were sitting in Ocean’s kitchen having pastries and coffee. It was the first meal we’d eaten there, since he preferred to come to my place. Normally, we’d be all over each other, but today, we were going to try playing together. In his adorable playroom. I’d had a look at it a couple of times. Once when he first showed me his place and the second time when he wanted to get something he’d left in there when cleaning. But I hadn’t had a chance to look at it closely at all.
And, I couldn’t lie. I wanted to get in there and see everything. Learn what was important to him and what he liked as a little. It would help me know what he expected from me as a daddy. Sometimes it was hard to explain in words. Being little had so many nuances, and, as a daddy, I wanted to be what he needed. Meeting his needs would meet mine, as well. Caring for him, was what I craved.
Silence built between us. The weight of the moment was like a rock I was trying to hold over both out heads, not to let it crush us. And then…I knew what was wrong.
“Ocean, what shall we play today?”
I watched the tension slide off his shoulders, his jaw sag, and he let out a breath he might have been holding for a while.
“Daddy, I want to play trucks.”
“That sounds like a great idea. Would you like to get changed first, so you’ll be comfortable while we play?”
He bobbed his head. “Yes, please.”
I stood up and held out my hand, and he slipped his into it, smiling up at me. There were only a couple of inches difference in our heights, but with him fully into little space, he seemed smaller. “Let’s take a sippy cup with us in case we get thirsty. What would you like to drink?” I knew he chose them over bottles because I’d seen one in the back of his cabinet behind all the coffee mugs an hour before. “What would you like to drink?”
“Appie juice.” He pointed to the refrigerator. “And then we play?”
“Just let Daddy fill your cup for you and we’ll go change.”
Ocean and I went to his playroom where I went through the dresser and found thick training pants. He also had some plain white cotton diapers, and I wondered if he’d like some of the fancy ones a local company made. For now, I held up one of each and he pointed to the diaper. Together, we chose a pair of short shorts, a fitted tee with a cartoon dolphin on the front, and a pair of knee socks printed with a whole school of blue-green fish. Helping him onto the changing table, I admired the beautiful blond wood all of the furniture was made from. The walls were pale green, and a rainbow arched over the windows on the front wall. The crib lay right underneath.
“Such a good boy to tell Daddy what you need. Now lift your arms so Daddy can change your shirt.” I eased the shirt off, playing “Where’s Ocean” when his head disappeared, rewarded with giggles. Laying him down, I took off his slippers then his lounge pants and underwear. “Lift your hips so we can get your diaper on, Ocean.”
He wriggled and giggled and generally made it take about five times as long as necessary, but that was part of the fun. My little was maybe just a little naughty. And a lot adorable. When I finally got him dressed, I kissed his forehead and helped him to his feet. “Now, let’s get out the trucks.”
My little also had the attention span of a toddler, and after we pushed trucks around on the floor for about ten minutes, he wanted to color then have a drink from his cup. Every piece of furniture, every decoration on the wall, had clearly been chosen with great thought. It all suited him, and once we put away the trucks on their shelves and the coloring things in the box we’d pulled them from, I looked around for another activity to suggest.
Then I heard him yawning, and I turned to find my little rubbing his eyes. “I think someone might need a nap.”
He shook his head vigorously. “Not tired. No nap.”
“What can we do to make you ready for your nap?”
Ocean stared down at his lap. “It’s stiffy.”
“Let me look. Lie down on the changing table, okay?” I assisted him up and unfastened his diaper. “Oh dear, that is a problem. Would you like me to help you with that so you can nap?”
“Yes please.” He was staring down at the problem with a little wrinkle between his brows, as if totally confounded by the situation. “Rubbies, Daddy.”
“Of course, Ocean. You close your eyes and rest and Daddy will fix it so you can go to sleep.” I did better than that. Thirty seconds after he spurted all over my hand and I cleaned us both up, his eyes were leaden, mostly closed. I grabbed some wipes and cleaned him and my hand then refastened the diaper and pulled up his shorts.
My little was adorable in his bed with the comforter pulled up to his waist. I sat down in the chair next to him and picked up a book there. “Shall I read to you?” It was one of the books where you can ask them to put your own names in there.
“Yes…”
He was nearly gone, but I read anyway, enjoying the adventures of the octopus and his orca friend as they explored the oceans and made new friends. Especially a little boy named Ocean who was so tired, he needed to take a nap before his next adventure.
My boy fell asleep, and I did too, relaxed more than I could remember being ever before. No more worries about how we’d do as daddy and little.
