Page 52 of Glass & Groundwork
“Whenever my head gets too loud, I come here. I used to do this a lot when I was younger. Close your eyes and focus on breathing. I’m right here with you, Jasper. You are safe.”
The buzzing droned in my ears, a sound that brought me peace where it should bring panic. It forced me to stay calm no matter how turbulent my thoughts. Jasper clutched my hand as tightly as he could through the layers of material, but I could sense him breathe low and slow. The bees grew more active, as they prepared to leave the hive for their day’s work.
Jasper whispered quietly. “What was your head loud about as a kid?”
Speaking in a hushed tone to help him stay calm, I said, “The usual.”
“Parents?” He asked.
“Yeah.” It had been a while since I talked about them. I’d worked so hard not to let them take up space in my head, but I owed it to Jasper. “They cared more about partying than parenting.”
“How so?”
“Drugs, alcohol. Anything they could get their hands on, and they weren’t above trading favors for it, too. Luckily, I was never on their radar enough to barter with, they barely seemed to know I existed half the time. Honestly, it was better when they forgot about me, because the attention that came when the high wore off was worse. They would get angry and mean, like it was my fault they had to face reality.”
“Oh, Gio,” Jasper whispered as he scooted closer to me, his suit crinkling with the movement.
“It is what it is. I can’t change it. But I found a way out. I saw an ad for farmhands, and while I was too young to get an above-the-table job, I was eager for anything to get me out of that house. I thought if I could start saving money, maybe I could figure out how to live on my own. What I didn’t expect was Papa Tom.”
“Tell me about him.”
“He must have seen something in me. Tom took me under his wing. He was patient, and gentle, nothing like I’d seen at home. He spent endless hours showing me every aspect of the farm, and I hung on every word, craving the stability and calm he offered. I was vulnerable and anyone could have taken advantage of that, but he wasn’t that kind of a person. The farm became a safe haven, and I spent more time here than I did at home. I would come out here and sit, letting the drone of the bees cover the noise in my head.
“Eventually, the anger subsided, and I learned to trust that Tom wasn’t going to turn on me when the high wore off. He was constant. Calm. Unconditionally kind. Coming here changed mylife. Feeling seen by someone was powerful. Feeling seen by someone who genuinely seemed to care for the first time in my life, well, I practically idolized Tom.”
“If he was anything like you, I can imagine why.”
I tilted my veiled head and leaned it against his. “I wanted to be a McNeely so badly. The legal process would have been too difficult and too ugly, but Tom told me I was his no matter if I had paperwork that said so or not. He became my papa. Not a mom or a dad, which I had, and whose titles were tainted for me. My relationship with Tom was so much bigger and better than any other familial ones I had. For the first time, I had this parental figure who didn’t seem bothered by my existence but instead found joy in it. I didn’t see it when I was younger, I thought it was all one-sided. But now, as a papa myself, I realize he probably needed me as much as I needed him.”
Jasper whispered, “He absolutely did. I have no doubt you made a difference in his life. He wouldn’t have left you the farm and his namesake if you didn’t. And now, you’ve done that for your kids.”
“You have, too, Jasper. Already, I’ve seen positive changes. You play an important role in this family and that’s not going to change no matter what happens with yours.”
He nodded and sat quietly for a moment. “As much as I’d like to just handle everything with the bank, I think I owe them a conversation. I don’t want the fallout of them hearing about my being married from their friends at the bank. It needs to come from me.”
I patted his leg. “Whatever you decide, you don’t have to do it alone. I’m with you, beautiful. All the way.”
Jasper gave me a soft smile, and leaned over to press a kiss to my cheek, though it was blocked by the two layers of mesh between us. “Thank you.”
“Of course. You’re my husband. That means we’re in this together.”
Our conversation stopped as the bees started leaving the hive, swarming and flying over us. I wrapped an arm around Jasper to help him stay calm and remind him of my promise to keep him safe. The buzz was so loud, it could have been a small airplane soaring over us. It always amazed me the power they had when multiplied by thousands. We could do nothing but sit and watch as they swarmed. It was an incredible thing to experience. Jasper held his breath beside me until the bees had passed by.
After they flew toward the farm’s flower fields, I stood up and helped Jasper to his feet. He stared up at me, with a look of wonder, looking unbelievably cute in the beekeeping suit. “This was actually really nice. It’s hard to think about anything else when you’re surrounded by lethal insects.”
“See? I thought you’d like it,” I said with a smirk.
“You have a twisted side, don’t you, Daddy?” Jasper teased.
I shrugged. “It’s this or Rage Against the Machine.”
He barked out a laugh. “Who knew you were so punk rock under that calm exterior?”
“I went through a bit of an emo stage.”
“Fuck, what I wouldn’t give to see that. I am totally putting eyeliner on you some time. I can just imagine how hot it’ll look with your glasses.Mmhmm.”
Jasper’s eyes twinkled and I had to laugh. Only he could manage to be this flirty and sexy while wearing a puffy, white bee suit. I nudged his shoulder with mine. “Come on, let’s go meet the queen.”
