Page 16 of Glass & Groundwork
“I have a trust fund. It’s not something I usually talk about, because I know how it sounds, but I was hoping this would be the last thing I would need from it. That once I got my business going, I would be able to rely on myself and myownmoney.”
Atrust fund? It was an incomprehensible concept to me, but then I’d inherited the fruit of someone else’s labor, too, so what was the difference? I mean… money versus farm, but still. Several questions fluttered around in my head, but I stayed quiet, keeping them to myself, letting Jasper work through the thoughts I could see him wrestling with.
“I thought if I could show them how hard I was working and that I had a thorough plan, they would understand.”
“Who?” I asked carefully.
Jasper scooted close enough to rest his head against me. Instinctually, I slid my arm over his waist and held him to me. A long moment passed before he said in a hushed tone, “My parents.”
“Ah… parents.” I knew a thing or two about rough relationships with parents; my own and those of the kids who had found their way to me.
“They're refusing to sign off on the funds I need to finish paying for the construction. They think I'm wasting my time on thishobby.”
I pulled Jasper closer, until his head was nestled under my chin and I squeezed my arms tighter around him. “I've seen theway you light up when you talk about your work. It's important to you, and you are wonderfully passionate about it. Pursuing your passion isnevera waste. I'm sorry they don't see it that way.”
Jasper rubbed his cheek against my chest as he sniffled. “Thank you for saying that.”
I began rubbing circles on his back to comfort him, an action I found more pleasing than I should, given the gravity of the situation.
“What do you need right now, Jasper? Do you want advice, action, or affection?” It was a question I'd learned to ask over time. The protector in me wanted to jump into immediate action when someone I cared about was hurting, but reacting wasn't always what was best for the one who was hurt. Each person and each scenario required a different response.
Jasper lifted his head to look at me and offered a sad but grateful smile. “Would I love it if you burned down the seafood restaurant so I never have to look at their scallops again? Yes. But, right now… this is pretty nice. Can you just keep holding me?”
My chest tightened and I felt a lump crawl up my throat. “Absolutely. For as long as you need.”
My feet still hung over the side of the bed as I lay on my back with Jasper's head on my chest. It wasn't the most comfortable position, but I wouldn't change it for anything. Not with the way his arm draped over me, or the way he felt in my arms, or the citrusy scent of his hair.
He was quiet for a while; the only sound was us breathing, and the distant voices from the TV in the living room. Eventually, Jasper pushed away from me and sat up.
“I was so close. I really thought it was going to happen,” he muttered as he shook his head.
Sitting up and shifting to bring one leg up on the bed and tuck it under me, I said, “It can still happen, Jasper.”
“Sure. Only, it will take years instead of a couple of months. By then, who knows? My parents will probably get their way and force me into the family business. I'll have the means, but not the time or the soul to do it, because itwilleat my soul, one board meeting at a time.”
The devastation on his face hit me in the gut. I hated to think of him so unbearably miserable working for his family. Jasper shone too bright to be forced into a role that would smother his light.
“Wewon'tlet that happen.” The statement came out with more of a bite than I intended. Not the kind of response of the nonreactive, supportive person I was trying to be.
“Thanks, that's nice of you to say.” Jasper met my gaze before looking away. “I wish I wasn't so fucking dependent on them and their control of my trust. It's pathetic and I should have been working harder to tuck money away, so I could just say fuck it all.”
“Would you? Walk away from the money, I mean?”
Jasper yanked the elastic headband that had been holding his hair back, and he twisted it around, tying his hair into a bun on the top of his head. I watched with fascination at his ease in doing so. I tried to do Nicky's hair a few times when she was feeling low, and we both decided that wasn't one of my gifts. Jasper's wavy hair wasn't all contained in the bun, with strands hanging down in the back. He looked great with it up or down. It surprised me how strong of an urge there was to play in the loose locks. Not that this was,at all, an appropriate time to be thinking such inappropriate thoughts.
With his hands no longer occupied from the action of putting his hair up, he swiped them along his navy suit pants, and quirked his mouth to the side “Shit, I would love to say that Iwould. My idealistic side wants to say ‘Fuck money, who needs it?’ I've seen it bring out the worst in people. I've often wondered what my life would have been like if it hadn't been at the center of our family dynamics. But at the same time, I've had experiences that I wouldn't have had without it. I don't know if I would have ever discovered glassblowing if I hadn't traveled to Venice and seen it done first-hand.”
Jasper looked pensive for a moment and pointed a finger at me. “What I know, though, is not feeling like I can make independent choices because of the strings I'm tied to, that's what I hate. I want to have control over my own finances, whether big or small. I want control over my ownlife, and not feel like it can be taken away from me because my desires don't line up with the interests of my parents.”
“Nobody else should get to dictate what you do with your life. In my experience, when you find something that makes you happy, you don't let it go.”
Jasper met my gaze, a soft light returning to his golden brown eyes, and he offered me a tentative smile “You are really good at this, you know?”
I shrugged and felt my cheeks warm slightly at the praise. I pushed my glasses up my nose and said, “It's just words. I wish there was more I could do to help.”
“They're good words, though. Besides, you've already helped me more than anyone in my life. I'm sorry for bringing all this drama to your doorstep. You were so generous, and now the barn is going to be stuck in this half-done state. If I had started with a smaller package with the contractor, I might have at least been able to get my business off the ground. It would have been slow-going, but I could have done…something. Instead, I aimed for the stars, only to fall on my ass and be stuck in the dirt.”
“Keep aiming for the stars, Jasper. I like the way they twinkle in your eyes.” I bit my lip as soon as the words came out,realizing how they sounded. Luckily, Jasper didn't seem put off by the forwardness of it.
