Page 44 of Keeping Guard
They stepped inside the elevator to her loft. “I think a part of you blames yourself, thinking you should have protected her. But you were just a boy, no match against a grown man. Did he ever hit you?”
“Shut up, Peyton.” His mouth landed on hers and stayed there until the door opened on her floor. He lifted his head and stared down at her, turbulence in his eyes. “You drive me crazy, woman.”
“Well, anytime I do, feel free to kiss me.” The man was holding a lot of heavy stuff inside him, and that wasn’t healthy. He’d never be happy if he didn’t forgive himself for his imagined sins.
It wasn’t only the death of his mother weighing him down—she didn’t think so, anyway. He was on leave from the navy for something, and that was the thing she thought was keeping him from sleeping at night. If he kept everything bottled up, eventually he was going to explode. She decided it was her job to keep that from happening.
How could she get him to talk to her?
Chapter Fifteen
Damn woman. She was like a pesky little termite, burrowing into the wood until it was dust, exposing the secrets hidden behind the walls. He’d already told her too much, and for a moment, when she’d slipped her hand in his, he’d wanted to tell her everything. To just let it all out, to trust that maybe in all her words there would be ones that would show him the way out of his personal hell. But he hadn’t, thankfully.
Admit the real reason, dickhead.
Okay, so there was that. He couldn’t bear the thought of seeing her look at him with disappointment in her eyes, or worse, disgust. Jack didn’t even know the full story, and he, more than anyone, would understand that things had a way of going south in the sandbox. If he couldn’t admit his failure to Jack, he sure couldn’t bare himself to Peyton.
He should move out, go back to his little box of an apartment. And he would if her ex wasn’t hanging around. He’d seen the man tonight trying to hide in the shadows across the street from her building. Noah hadn’t told her, not wanting to upset her. That was wrong, though. She needed to know so she’d keep a vigilant eye out, and he’d do that in the morning.
They returned to her loft and he closed himself up in his room before she started talking again and he’d have to kiss her to silence her. It wasn’t that he didn’t like to hear her talk. He did...too much. He could listen to her for hours on end, not that he’d ever tell her. And kissing her? That could become an addiction if he let it.
After holing up for a few hours, the ants were biting. He had to get out of this room. By now, Peyton would be asleep, so it would be safe to come out. Lucky got up from his dog bed as soon as Noah opened the door.
“You don’t have to follow me around, you know.” Apparently, the dog didn’t know that since he trailed along. That was another thing he didn’t want to admit. He was beginning to like having Lucky around, and the dog didn’t talk a mile a minute like a certain other person.
Funny thing, though. All her talking kept his mind from wallowing in regrets and wishing he could turn back the clock. He’d thought he wanted silence, but she was proving him wrong.
What he really wanted was to slip into her room, crawl into bed with her, and lose himself in her sweet body. Being near her and trying to keep his hands off her was a new kind of torture. Not that he’d succeeded in the hands-off part since he kept kissing her. But that had to end, because another time or two and he wouldn’t stop with just kissing. The willpower to resist her was close to nonexistent as it was.
“Would you like a cup of tea?” the woman filling his head said as she walked out of the kitchen, a cup in each hand.
He was slipping. He should have been aware she was nearby. That lack of awareness was how one got a knife in the back or a bullet between the eyes. Or how a woman he couldn’t get out of his head could sneak up on him.
“I don’t drink tea.”
“This is special tea. It’s got a splash of whiskey in it. Maybe it will help you sleep better.”
Nothing was capable of that. “Why are you up?”
She gave him a shy smile. “Because I knew you would be.”
Definitely a burrowing termite. Maybe not a flattering image, but it was how he was beginning to think of her. He should hate it—her worming her way into his heart—but he didn’t. His SEAL brothers loved him and had his back, but when was the last time someone actually took care of him? That question had an easy answer. His mother, a long time ago.
She held out the cup. “Drink the tea, Noah.”
“Yes, ma’am.” And that pleased smile of hers...he wished he could take a picture so when he returned to his team, he could look at it and remember the night she’d stayed up with him because she knew he couldn’t sleep.
“Come sit.” She sat on one end of the sofa, curling her feet under her.
He took the opposite end. “You should be in bed.”With me.Not that he’d ever allow that to happen, but a man could dream.
“Not really sleepy. I can’t stop thinking about that woman. Why does she stay with a man like that?”
“Could be she has no place else to go.” His mother hadn’t. His father had made sure of that. “Or she doesn’t have any money. Or he’s made her afraid to leave him.”
“Were those the reasons your mother stayed?”
“All of them.” He sipped the tea, welcoming the burn of the whiskey as it flowed down his throat. She’d been generous in the pour.
