Page 35 of Queen of Diamonds
“Is that who I see is none of your business,” Kinsey said from behind him.
Rand glanced over his shoulder to see Kinsey leaning in the doorway. Christ, she was as stealthy as her brothers.
She slipped her arm through Nate’s. “Now leave him alone and come inside. And both of you play nice.”
As she led her brother away, she glanced over her shoulder and winked. Rand smirked at Nate’s retreating back. The man was already wrapped around his sister’s little finger and was clueless. He followed them to the backyard, missing a step when he saw all the Gentry children. How had he not thought about them being here? He avoided children. It hurt too much to hear their laughter, to look into their bright eyes and know he’d never again see his daughter’s blue ones, or to be graced with one of her sweet smiles.
His heart jumped into a panic beat—as if it was too broken to stay in his chest—the way it had started doing every time he saw a child after Zoe died. He turned to leave, needing to get out of here before he lost his shit in front of everyone.
“Hey. You okay?” Kinsey said, coming up next to him and slipping her arm around his. “You’re trembling.”
“I have to go.”
A giggling shriek filled the air, startling him. He swung his gaze toward the sound to see Annie on her back, her little legs kicking as Alex tickled her. Zoe loved it…hadloved it when he tickled her.
“More, Daddy,” she’d cry when he stopped.
“I have to go,” he said again, hating the desperation he heard in his voice. He turned back in time to see understanding settle in Kinsey’s eyes as she looked from Annie to him. She slid her hand down to his, tangling their fingers. The touch of her palm against his, her warmth seeping into his skin, was so soothing that he fought the urge to drag her out with him. All he wanted to do was take her home and lose himself in her body until the only thing in his head was her.
“You can go if you need to, but maybe it’s time to learn how to be around children. If it helps, I won’t leave your side.”
He tightened his hand around hers. “Your brother’s right. I’m not good for you right now.” So why wasn’t he letting go of her?
Kinsey held tight to Rand’s hand when he tried to pull away. “My brother needs to mind his own business.” She glanced over to the patio where Court was putting hamburgers and hot dogs on the grill. “Come with me.”
Clutching her hand as if she were his lifeline, he let her take him to Court. She’d seen the pain in his eyes when he’d looked at Annie, and her heart hurt for him. Even missing her mother with a bone-deep ache, she knew it couldn’t possibly compare to losing a child. Maybe she should have let him leave, but he couldn’t hide from children forever. Well, she supposed he could, but what kind of life was that?
As they passed the cooler, she stopped long enough to grab a beer and a water. When they reached Court, she said, “Go away. We’re taking over.”
“What? You afraid I’ll put a laxative or something in his?”
“Yep. So bye.” He’d said it with a smirk, but she’d caught the concern in his eyes when he’d glanced at Rand. She’d already noticed that her brothers were observant, and she supposed they were trained to notice even the small things.
“I’m sorry,” Rand said after Court joined the others.
“For?” She handed him both bottles. “Open the beer for me, will you?”
His gaze dropped to the bottles he held, and she saw shame on his face, saw the unshed tears in his eyes. He was embarrassed that he’d almost lost it in front of her. She hated that he felt like he had to hide his love for his daughter from her, from anyone. It didn’t make him weak. It made him a beautiful man who’d loved a little girl and didn’t know how to come back from losing her.
“For ruining your day. Sometimes…” He twisted off the bottle cap with his fingers.
She put her hand on his arm. “I know. A few days ago a woman came into the store wearing a blouse just like my mother’s. It was her favorite one. I had to leave the sales floor before I lost it.” She took the opened beer from him. “There will always be times when something reminds you of her, especially other children. Don’t feel embarrassed because you loved her so much it hurts. She was a lucky little girl to have you as her daddy.”
“I was the lucky one,” he murmured. He picked up the spatula and flipped over the burgers.
“Without a doubt.” She smiled at the sight of her brothers on their backs on the grass as Nate’s daughters climbed over them. “From what I understand, Nate and Taylor’s girls had a rough start in life. All the children in the world should have daddies like you or my brothers.”
As she’d hoped, his gaze shifted to the laughing children. He watched them for a few seconds, and the ghost of a smile appeared on his face before he looked away. He didn’t seem to be trembling the way he had at seeing them earlier.
She wasn’t a doctor, but she thought he might be suffering from something similar to PTSD and should probably talk to a professional. She thought it would be good for him to try to acclimate to being around children again, and maybe she could help with that.
“Thank you,” he said, lifting beautiful blue eyes that were a little brighter to hers.
Not wanting to put too much emphasis on his reaction to the kids, before or now when he’d almost smiled, and in an attempt to lighten the mood, she tapped a finger on her lips. “You can show your appreciation by kissing me.”
His gaze fell to said lips. “Your brothers are probably going to shoot me right where I stand for this, but I don’t care.”
He lowered his face, and the moment their mouths touched, she vaguely wondered when her knees had turned to limp noodles. She moaned when his tongue skimmed over the seam of her lips. He answered with a groan that she felt in places no other man had touched.
