Page 42 of Petals of Blue: Part Two
Jesus.
Someone must approach behind me because Declan's eyes widen over my shoulder just before a deep voice joins our conversation. "Wow, Felix, I never thought I'd hear you say something so gruesome."
Felix chokes and jumps up. "Uncle Jim?!"
"Hey, son," the older man greets, sounding a bit emotional as they collide with a hug. "It's good to see you. I'm sorry it's here, though."
To my shock, Felix doesn't release the doctor. I'm assumingUncle Jimis a doctor based on his long white coat. His hair is more gray than brown, but I haven't gotten a good look at his face since it's buried in Felix's shoulder.
The silence is tense once again as we wait for them to separate, and when they do, my heart clenches at the tears drenching Felix's cheeks. What is it about this guy that makes my friend the most vulnerable I have ever witnessed?
"Guys, this is my uncle Jim. My dad's older brother," Felix introduces, stepping to the side so the rest of us are included. "This is Jared. And Roman, whom you might remember. He was my best friend throughout most of my childhood, and still is. Declan, his younger brother and now my partner," he explains, and I'm pretty sure it's the first time he's introduced Dec that way. I'm proud and happy for them.
"Nice to meet you. I'm Jim. A doctor here," Felix's uncle greets with a nod. They look similar standing sideby side, and it's like having a visual of what Felix will look like when he's older. I hope he has the same laugh lines because that would mean I'd done my job as the comedic relief. I'd even give Declan some credit.
Declan and I say hi and shake the man's hand. The mixture of angst and reverence is strange, so I stay quiet.
"Mr. Morel," Roman says, standing and shaking Jim's hand. "It's been a long time." His tone sounds accusatory, which makes me itch to hear the story behind Uncle Jim.
"Roman, you've grown up."
Rome crosses his arms, almost squaring off with Jim. "That's what happens when you disappear for fifteen years."
Oh shit.
The plot thickens.
Thirty-One
FELIX
Seeing Uncle Jim was the last thing I expected today, and I was prepared for a lot of shit. At least that's what I'm telling myself. Truth be told, I feel like a missile that’s out of control and ready to aim my feelings at anyone.
I was harsh with the staff in the waiting room, even knowing they were just doing their jobs. Most of them have thick skin, which is a relief, but I still feel like an ass.
As I was drowning in the guilt of my failures and behavior while trying to manage this overwhelming terror, theoneperson I looked up to as a child was standing right in front of me.
Emotion choked me and drew me to my uncle. He was the man who showed me what love actually meant. It was hard growing up in a household where my parents didn't care about me beyond what I could do for them.
Uncle Jim showed me kindness and care. He askedme how I was doing every time he would visit, even when my dad accused him of trying to turn me into a wimp. He called me a pussy on multiple occasions, especially when he would catch me hugging my uncle. Dad would say,"Pussies don't pay the bills."I tried to brush him off and ignore him, but it was hard because the only times I received a hug were when Uncle Jim came over.
Years after Uncle Jim taught me how to tie my shoes, he taught me how to drive. I was fourteen and begging him to show me how to escape the cold, harsh realities of my home.
"First step is independence, Felix. Learn to meet your needs on your own,"Jim once told me. Those are words I've always lived by.
Jim taught me how to be a man, but most importantly, how to be a man I am proud of. There have been mistakes, letting Erica go being the biggest one, but I believe Jim would tell me he understands.
Because if I had to guess, I'd say Uncle Jim made a few mistakes in his life, too. One was the way he disappeared when I was fifteen. He never contacted me or sent cards on birthdays. Nothing.
So yeah, seeing him after over fifteen years on the hardest night of my life, I flung myself into his broad chest and cried like I was a kid again. He was the only parent I had, and I needed that feeling of safety for just a damn second.
Then reality trickled in as the tears trickled out. Jim left me, and Roman wasn't afraid to call it like he saw it.
And Rome saw everything. He witnessed all of myattempts to make my uncle proud, only to never hear back from him. Roman encouraged me to focus on the lessons Jim taught me rather than the desolate anger he left behind. I was abandoned.
I made a mistake when I buried the devastation of having my safe person disappear on me without an explanation. Because of my ignorance to grow from my pain, I did the same thing to Erica. And lost her. Just like I lost my uncle. Is he a different man now like I am?
I fucking hope so because I don't have the energy to be mad at him. Roman does, but we don't have the time to hash this out right now.
