Page 51 of Troublemaker
I ignored the fucker and texted her.
Please tell me you at least got home safely after you snuck out of my house like a bad dream.
She replied immediately.
are u calling me a nightmare?
Of course I wasn’t. She had to know I wasn’t.
The nightmare was waking up and not knowing where you were, or if you were safe.
didn’t u think to check your cameras to see where I was
Well, she had me there.
… … …
I did. And you weren’t there.
that’s because I went to emorys
The entire kitchen turned red. Redder still, as I fantasized driving over to Emory’s and stabbing him to death before fucking Lucy on top of his still-bleeding corpse.
I forced myself to slow my breathing, tossing my keys across the kitchen before I could act on my worst impulses. I’d hurt her, and so she’d acted out. I was still pissed at her for that, but at least she was safe. And as angry as Emory made me, I knew the kid wouldn’t hurt her.
So you’re safe.
Okay.
That’s it? No explanation or apology?
You want an explanation? An apology? You can have both when you come back. But I’m not doing this over text like I’m one of your friends.
Ellipses appeared and disappeared on the screen. Even though I hoped it was because she was considering coming back, facing me, and talking this out, I knew Lucy too well for that. She was probably coming up with the most cutting retort possible.
I was wrong. It was worse.
Why won’t you kiss me?
Fuck.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
I swallowed painfully. It felt like I’d swallowed the blade of a hockey skate.
I couldn’t tell her that, especially not over text. I could barely talk about it at all. How could I explain the way my foster father had fucked with my head? How undeserving I felt, of kissing, and what it would mean? It was a level of intimacy I wasn’t worthy of. Kissing felt like responsibility, like care, like making a statement.
Kissing felt like love.
And love wasn’t for me.
I stared at my phone, trying to come up with a response. All I had was:
Lucy…
We’ll talk about it after the game, I promise. Just don’t do anything stupid or that we’ll regret, please.
More appearing and disappearing ellipses, and then came the cutting retort I’d expected.
