Page 77 of Troublemaker
And I knew he was telling the truth. As someone who was always forgotten, having someone remember not just me but the little details felt amazing.
It felt like love.
And when he bent me over in the shower and fucked me again, “just for me this time,” I held that thought close to my chest, the sweetest burn I’d ever felt.
After, he held me in bed, face to face, playing with my hair, lost in thought.
But I wanted to talk. So I nudged him.
“Why did you send me away after my parents’ funeral?” I asked.
He sighed. “How much do you know about my past?”
“Nothing,” I said, pushing at his shoulder. “You’re an annoyingly closed book.”
“Yeah, okay. See, I never knew my parents. My earliest memories are in foster care. I had no positive parental figures in my life…the closest I came was your dad when I was a teenager. So with no role models, I had no idea how to be a parent to you.” He rubbed his forehead. “And just saying that makes me feel really gross, to be clear.”
“You aren’t my parent,” I reminded him gently. “You never even spent time with me during my formative years. But I want to know why.”
“Yeah.” He sighed again. “I really thought you’d be better off far away from a man like me. I’d been violent when I was younger, used my fists first to protect myself and then as a fucked-up attempt at emotional regulation. The idea of not being in control of that and then having a young kid to care for…what if I screwed up? What if I hurt you? I couldn’t risk it, so I sent you away. It didn’t occur to me that by abandoning you in your grief, I’d only hurt you more.”
I shut my eyes, my heart squeezing in sympathy for this kind, gruff man who was so obsessed with doing the right thing that he always overshot.
“Coach—Blake—listen to me. You could never hurt me physically. All you’ve done since I came back into your life is protect me. Maybe you didn’t always use the most ethical or legal means,” I teased. “But you’ve looked out for me and kept me safe. And it’s probably better that I hadn’t spent time with you back then, because otherwise we wouldn’t be here now.”
He shook his head. “No, we’d still be here now. I wouldn’t have noticed until you were grown, but there’s no alternative reality, no universe exists where I could see you as an adult and not want you as mine. You’re it for me, Lucy, I hope you know that.” He swallowed. “How the fuck we’re going to make this work, I have no idea, but we are.”
“Oh, we are,” I told him. “Now that I have you, I’m not letting you go. You’re mine, Coach Samson, I hope you know that.”
“Oh?” he rumbled. “And what are you going to do with me, now that you have me?”
Love you, I thought, but didn’t say. I refused to be the one to say it first.
“Oh, I can think of a few things,” I teased. “That Vice still working?”
I slid my hand down his chest, his abs, reaching for his hard cock.
And then I slid down after it, taking him in my mouth, showing him how I felt with pleasure since I was too afraid to do it with words.
But when he finished in my mouth and called out my name like the holiest of prayers, I was almost positive he felt the same way, too.
Almost.
30
BLAKE
Icould have stayed at that cabin with her forever. Unfortunately, I’d already blown off two days of practice, and Lucy had an organic chemistry exam. So with great reluctance and growing dread at what our life together might look like when we were back in the real world, Lucy and I set the house back to rights—as much as we could. I left a note for our hosts, apologizing for the hole in the wall without explanation, promising to pay for the repairs.
“Ready?” Lucy asked me.
“No,” I said truthfully.
“Well, suck it up, buttercup,” she told me. “And put your game face on, because we need to go back.”
We hadn’t discussed what “back” looked like.
We went out to the car and I buckled Lucy in. Maybe it made her feel like a child, but the control it gave me over her safety, knowing she was secure, helped ease some of my anxiety. And she wasn’t complaining, especially when I leaned in to kiss her.
