Page 102 of Fresh Canvas
My body was sheathed in sweat.
“My dress. I-I’ll ruin my dress.” For whatever reason, the thought panicked me.
“No, you won’t. I won’t let that happen to you.” A velvet voice coaxed my hands away from my face. Chestnut eyes smoldered down at me, flecked with liquid gold and brimming with affection. Val wore a tux and my favorite lopsided smile.
A pang of longing speared the terror in my chest. Not believing, I dared to trace the crinkles edging his eyes. He caught my palm and kissed it, the feeling of his lips entirely real.
Relief flooded through me.
“Oh, Val. He’s here.Ryan’s here and he thinks I’m going to marry him.” I shook my head, pleading through my tears. “I don’t want to marry him again. Don’t make me marry him.”
Val pressed his mouth to mine, familiar and safe. His hands cupped my cheeks, swiping my tears away with his thumb like my Dad always did.
“Take a breath. It’s just the stress of the wedding.”Val’s muscular arms enveloped my waist as he stepped behind me. There was such calm reassurance in that embrace. Of course Val would protect me.
I let my body sag against his chest. “Oh Val, I’ve missed you so much. You don’t even know how hard this has been for me.”
Val’s soothing kisses brushed my neck, his curls tickling the skin under my jaw. The familiar sensation made relief brim in my eyes. I ducked my head, letting him closer to my neck.
“Val, I—” I frowned, confused. “Wait, this isn’t my dress. I didn’t?—”
“Look up, sweets. You’re the most beautiful bride.”
Sweets?
A full-length mirror materialized in front of us. I trailed up the candlelit satin puddled at my feet and flaring from my hips. Val beamed back at me before he planted another kiss on my neck.
My eyes—no,Stella’s—blue eyes grew with abject horror.
“What’s wrong, sweets?” Val towered above me, his concerned words contrasting the cruel smile now curling his lip. “Not what you expected?”
His face flickered impossibly as his dark curls morphed into Ryan’s sandy waves. Blue eyes pierced mine as now-Ryan advanced toward me.
“Ugly thing to wear to a wedding,” Ryan sneered.
My silk gown had vanished from my grasp, my fists now filled with my favorite bathrobe. An oversized graphic t-shirt peeked out from beneath.
“I-I’m not… I just—” Humiliation prickled in my eyes as I tried to sweep an escaped strand into my now messy bun.
“You're what? NotVanessa?” Ryan morphed back into Val, his cold, fathomless glare boring into my terrified eyes.
“Or, you’re notStella?” Val’s harsh laugh sliced right through me. Their double voices echoed in a mutation of the only two men I had ever fallen in love with.
“Of course you’re not. You never will be.” The still-morphing combination strode away, leaving me stranded.
“Wait!” I sobbed. “Come back. I’ll… I can?—”
Life surged through my legs as I crumpled face-down onto the floor. The chapel's multicolored sunlight dappled my unkempt bathrobe as my tears soaked into the carpet.
Iwasn’tVanessa.
Iwasn’tStella.
I was Amantha, who was clearly not enough.
The church bells fell silent as I wept.
Iwoke from the nightmare to a tear-stained pillow and throbbing heart.
