Page 84 of Escape Velocity
He met Jenna during that year, but he always thinks of that year as him getting home and spending his afternoons crying on his bed listening to sad music and his lunch periods sitting alone in the library because he was too scared to eat alone. He’d go hungry, but it was less painful thanhaving everyone watch and whisper about how he was eating alone and make fun of him for it.
He knows it was all imagined worst-case scenarios, but he was so terrified of anyone seeing him that he’d just hide in between the bookcases or in corner tables of the library and carefully snack on small things just so no one had a chance to make fun of him or know that Callum had tossed him aside for something better.
“Yeah?” Mason says, but his voice betrays him and shakes as he says it.
Callum notices and nods solemnly but breathes and takes his time.
“I know I mention my dad as the main reason for it… and I would say he is. I know at the end of the day it was my fault, but—I didn’t tell you everything, Mase.”
Mason shifts in his seat, trying to angle himself to face Callum more.
“I—I was scared to t-tell you. But I think I have to.”
Callum’s voice shakes like it never has and he looks like he’s on the verge of breaking down and Mason has never seen him like this. It seemingly comes out of nowhere, given how playful he had just been.
He’s not sure if Callum had been drinking at the frat party he was at, but maybe it’s only hitting him now if he did.
Mason grabs Callum’s hand softly. “I’m here to listen, Cal. I’m not going anywhere.”
Mason notices Callum’s hands are shaking too, and he’s sure it’s not because of the cold.
“I—I’m not s-sure how… I can’t say it out l-loud. I’ve never told a-anyone—” Callum sniffs and looks away.
“Take your time. I’m right here,” Mason says, his voice quiet like he’s talking to a wounded alley cat.
Callum rubs his face with both his hands, hiding it. “I’m justsostressed about the team. And my parents. And the scouts. Just everything. Everyone’s alwayswatchingme and now there’s Joel and you, and?—”
Mason’s stomach drops. “Me?”
He’s causing Callum stress. He’s only made Callum hide even more, and it means more on his plate.
Callum immediately takes his hands off his face. “I’m not stressed about you, Mason.Never. You’re one of the only things keeping me sane.”
Mason breathes a sigh of relief, nodding his head as Callum starts grabbing his hand tighter.
“And I’ve been avoiding this for so long. Everyone thinks they know all this stuff about me. Make assumptions. Say I’m this thing or person when I’m not. They think I’m this—Godand that I come from a great and supportive family. But I don’t. Idon’t.”
Callum sniffs again and shakes his head as his voice cracks as he says “don’t.”
Something stutters in Mason’s chest hearing it, and it sounds like that young boy again, who wouldn’t stop crying by his mom’s hospital bed and sobbing next to Mason at her funeral.
“My dad just—nothing’severenough for him. If I do something good, he’ll take credit or even discredit it and make it seem like it’s because of him that I succeed. And I have a really hard time believing I actually do anything great on my own sometimes…”
Mason grabs Callum’s hand harder. He feels like he knows what Callum is saying without saying it. He’s reading between the lines, but he refuses to say anything until Callum says it out loud.
“And when I fail at something… it’s like the end of the world.”
Callum goes silent for what feels like an hour. Mason just sits there, waiting. He knows there’s more.
Callum’s generalizing, picking up different parts from his memories and telling a story.
Callum sniffs. “When I, uh—I lost my first—my first football game…”
Mason sits completely still, like moving will scare Callum into silence.
“He was calm. He drove me home in silence. I knew I fucked up.”
Callum’s suddenly calm now, like he’s transported back into his memory and remembers every detail.
